


Connections

by somebodyloving



Series: Connections [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abaddon means trouble, Angelic Grace, Angst, Events until Season/Series 8, FIx It, Feelings, Getting to Know Each Other, Life in the bunker, Light descriptions of violence, M/M, Miscommunication, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Sam's soul, Self-Doubt, Some little/not prominent glimpses of Destiel, based on a prompt on tumblr, comfort/hurt, gabriel is alive, some of the events might be changed due to Gabriel being alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-06 12:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8752411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somebodyloving/pseuds/somebodyloving
Summary: Gabriel was sitting alone somewhere, he didn't even know where he landed. He was staring at the horizon and not even noticing that it started raining. Forming a friendship with another human had never been as difficult as attempting it with Sam.He was sad that he would never have more with Sam, that he wouldn't be enough for Sam, that his personality and his methods of showing the younger hunter what he felt for him would always stay in the way. Sam couldn't possibly end up with someTHING like him, mentally telling himself that he should just go away, but at the same time hating to not be around Sam for long. Gabriel would rather "play through the pain" so to speak so he could cherish the times Sam smiled, even though it hadn't been because of him, or laughed at something Dean said.***"Gabriel!!! I'll kill you!" Sam shouted into the empty room in rage.  Based on the prompt from Sabrielotp





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> This one came to me right after I finished my other Sabriel fic What Is It Like To Feel. My friend sent me a prompt from Tumblr she had found and I just couldn't resist the calling and had to do something about it. You can find the prompt here: [Sabriel prompt](http://sabriel-otp.tumblr.com/post/152620806549/gabriel-being-constantly-flirty-with-sam-winking#notes)
> 
> Anyway, I asked for the permission to write something based on the post, which was granted to me, and now I've got time to write this. This is just a beginning and I would love some feedback from you, lovely readers, since it would help me to improve my writing :). I'm not a native English speaker and I make mistakes, so if you find something weird or wrong, please, let me know :). I will change POVs every other chapter but the first one is mixed a bit. The change of POV is marked with -----. I'm incapable of writing a fic from POV of just one character :D. I'll confess to that, gladly!
> 
> Updates: probably one chapter a week
> 
> I appreciate all hits/kudos/comments you send my way!

# Chapter 1

Gabriel was sitting on the couch, or more like sprawling over it, sucking on a lollipop he was holding in his right hand, and with the other he supported his head. That meant that no one else could sit on it as well. Oh, there was a little space there on the other side of the couch, but when Sam had tried to sit there once, Gabriel had lazily but without hesitation raised his feet and laid them into Sam's lap. Since then, Sam just would never sit there again. If it had been just putting his feet on Sam's thighs, the hunter would have let it go, because he had been used to it from Dean. But this motion had been accompanied by a flirty wink at Sam and a weird remark about his height and "beefy" legs. Sam had just snorted and pushed Gabriel's legs away so they had slid down on the floor as he had stood up and left. He would rather spent his free time by reading some lore than watching stupid television and being subjected to Gabriel's inappropriate jokes. And it was getting annoying every passing day.

Gabriel had just appeared from the thin air one day, saying that he would stay just for a while because he was bored and the hunters were always quite funny to watch. Dean's reaction had been priceless to be sure, but there hadn't been any other way than just go with it. They both had known that it had been impossible to get rid of the Trickster and it would be quite futile to even try. Sam had been really 'ecstatic' about Gabriel being there, since he had been the object of his idiotic jokes and the hunter didn't really want to go through that again. But what could he do? Nothing much.

When Castiel had showed up after a couple of days, he hadn't been happy either to see his big brother hanging around, too close to the brothers. But there had been nothing to stop him following them, so he just grunted, glowered at Gabriel, there might have occurred some kind of a conversation between them, impossible to perceive with human senses, and that had been it.

Sam was scowling at Gabriel who was still lying on the couch, not even trying to make a space in there for anyone else and it was the only place to sit on when someone wanted to watch television. The hunter crossed his arms over his chest and was seething inside, trying to put down the annoyance Gabriel's behaviour was eliciting within him.

"Sammich!" Gabriel exclaimed, finally noticing, or more like he got bored, that Sam was standing in the doorway and was staring holes into him. "Did you need anything?" Gabriel asked casually, not even looking at Sam when he talked to him as he was reading one of those stupid porn magazines he had surely stolen from Dean's bedside table.

"You know, Gabriel. I don't really get it. Why are you here? I mean, why are you _really_ here?" Sam asked with a serious tone in his voice, getting quickly pissed off at the fate and God and everyone who was responsible for the archangel appearing here and staying. "You aren't helping, you aren't doing anything, just sitting here and eating. What's the point?" Sam was getting really annoyed because he wanted to understand, he wanted to know why Gabriel had decided to spend his 'precious' time to be here, in the bunker. Sam just didn't know what to expect from Gabriel and it was maddening.

"Awww, Samsquatch, it's hot when you get angry." Gabriel smirked at him playfully, and there was that glint in his eyes again that meant nothing good for Sam in the near future.

_Oh, shit, why am I such an idiot, always digging into things that aren't my business._

"Whatever." Sam sighed in resignation and went away, leaving Gabriel alone there doing whatever he had been doing before.

It was pointless to coax the reason why he had been there from Gabriel. Sam hadn't been getting anywhere and it was getting exhausting to even try to talk to the archangel, since Gabriel would always change the subject and talk about anything but what Sam wanted to know. The more he tried, the less he got out of him. Gabriel was an annoying prat whose only job was apparently pissing off everyone else in his close proximity. And unfortunately for him, the archangel had some kind of a twisted grudge on Sam and concentrated his focus on him, or maybe he just thought that Sam was the best human to prank.

Sam sighed in exasperation and went to his room, taking a book he had brought from the library the other day and laid down with it on his bed, trying to relax and enjoy the book at least for a while in peace.

\----

While Sam was reading his book, Gabriel was quietly sitting in the chair at the table on the right side of Sam's room. It might seem to be creepy to watch the hunter when Sam couldn't see him, since Gabriel was invisible, but this was the last thing he thought about.

This thing with feelings and emotions was confusing and Gabriel didn't know what to do with it. He had lived on Earth for so many years, he had tried many things and had sex and a couple of relationships with humans and other beings, but it had never felt like this. As if he was missing something and it was really, really close, but out of reach at the same time.

And Gabriel knew that he had found it the second he had seen Sam's puppy dog eyes that day when the hunter had begged him to bring his brother back. He had just felt something he had never felt in his millennia-long life - remorse.

Gabriel liked joking around, playing with people and punishing human monsters. Pranks were his goal in his life at that time because there had been nothing else since he had run from Heaven. Gabriel had just wanted to show Sam what could have happened if he had continued the path he had chosen for himself. The archangel hadn't known any other way because it had been so long since the day he had left his home and his role of the Messenger of God, defender of innocents and punisher of sinners and demons, that he had forgotten what was his true purpose. Gabriel had just got hurt by his family, his everything, and it had made him bitter and cruel.

And when Sam had come to him, begging him to return his brother back, it had been like something had snapped in him and suddenly there had been memories of Lucifer falling and destroying everything around him swarming his mind. Gabriel had just realized that he had gone through the same thing as Sam would have, and right then he had changed his mind.

Since then, Gabriel just couldn't forget that moment when he had started longing for connection to someone who would understand him. Even though he had made yet another mistake to mess with the Winchesters, attempting to force them to take the roles the destiny had chosen for them. Gabriel himself still didn't understand why he had done it. Well, it could have been him being a coward and wanting to dump the responsibility for his family's actions on someone else who had been unable to defend themselves. Although it hadn't worked out one bit like he had planned, but in the end Gabriel was glad that they had fought together against his big brother and won.

The thing was that Gabriel still craved some contact and understanding from someone else and he couldn't make himself to try and find that someone somewhere else. His heart and brain just got stuck on the one particular human, and it must have been Sam, of course. The one and only Sam Winchester, the hunter and person, whom Gabriel had hurt the most and because he was an idiot without any other means to communicate than pranks and jokes, flirting and innuendos, well, Sam still hated him, or tried to ignore him at best, and was suspicious about him being there with them as he was wondering why the hell Gabriel would stay there if not planning some joke and hurting them in the process again.

Gabriel was incapable, or maybe more like afraid, of telling Sam the truth, unable to say "Sorry, I'm messed up and I know I've done some real shit to you and your brother, but forgive me and stay with me because I like you". _Yeah, like it would work._ Gabriel snorted silently in his small bubble of invisibility but at that Sam jerked his head up and was looking around his room as if he was trying to find something, as if he sensed that someone was there with him. Gabriel's eyes widened in shock and he immediately stood up and disappeared with a snap of his fingers.

The archangel landed back on the couch where he had been spending his free time the whole day, and was a bit shaken by the events happening in Sam's room. Had Sam known that someone was watching him like a creep? Not that it was something new for Gabriel since he had done it several times already and he just wanted to see Sam relaxed without that frown of his between his eyebrows and suspicious look on his face every damn time he had met Gabriel anywhere in the bunker.

Yes, Gabriel had to admit that he had barged in uninvited, but still, it wasn't like he had done something bad to them. He just wanted to spend time with Sam, to get to know him more and find a way to make it better between them, to be friends with him. But nothing he had done or tried so far had got him anywhere and he was getting tired, still being without any real purpose ahead of him. As if anything he did was pointless from the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Here is the second chapter. I hope you'll like it. 
> 
> I'm trying to discuss Sam's personality with a huge fan of his, so I'm getting some advice about his behaviour and nuances. But with Gabriel it's a bit different. It's all me. No one to discuss his character with, no one who would love him as much as my little self. Well, I'm sure there are many Gabriel-lovers on the Internet, but I don't know any. I just want to say that I'm open to suggestions, or opinions on his behaviour and character. If you think that he's out of character in my story, please, tell me.
> 
> Anyway, if you happen to like this, I will appreciate anything you send my way ;). Don't be shy.

# Chapter 2

 

Gabriel didn't have to see Sam with human eyes in order to know that he had fucked up big time, feeling the anger seeping from the younger hunter through walls. Not that it had been for the first time he had done something to piss off the Winchester brothers, but he thought that he had got along with them quite well, considering their history. But his angelic senses told him otherwise. Sam wasn't even in there with him and Gabriel dreaded the second he would step into the room.

The thing was that Gabriel had tried to come up with something to cheer Sam up so that the hunter would warm up to him somehow. And what was the best thing to form a relationship with someone, who hated your guts and had wanted you gone yesterday? Well, Gabriel thought the best action could be to make them laugh and let them know that he wasn't just the Trickster they had known him for, an unforgiving and absolute supernatural being who had played tricks on them and put them through some real shit that, Gabriel realized, he had never been particularly proud of.

So yeah. Gabriel had tried several times to talk to Sam casually, telling him some stories from his life, how he had punished some people for their 'sins' and what a fun it had been to mess with them. The archangel thought that Sam had understood the reasons why he had done it a long time ago, that it had been just his way to give those human monsters the same treatment they themselves had subjected others to. Maybe he could have left out some too gruesome bits, he might have stop talking about those times all together, since after a while Sam usually stood up and went away to wherever it was he had spent his free time. It had often been the library.

Anyway, Gabriel might have tried to talk to Sam without his lewd remarks about his proportions and sexy, long and silky hair - and that was the truth! - but that wasn't the point. The point was that apparently nothing, absolutely nothing had helped his cause. The more he tried, the less time Sam spent in the same rooms with him. And the hunter also had stopped watching TV completely just so he would avoid him. And Gabriel did spend a lot of time sprawling over the couch in case Sam would change his mind and sit there with him. And they wouldn't have to talk to each other. Gabriel would even stop with the remarks while Sam watched his favourite documentaries.

Maybe he just couldn't change Sam's mind and opinion on him. Maybe there wasn't a way to gain Sam's trust. But Gabriel tried. He tried in his own way to earn the friendship he had longed for for so many years living on Earth among humans. Gabriel wanted to say that fighting alongside the Winchesters had changed him. That their thinking and not giving up, despite all odds being against them, had been the reason why he had stayed and helped them to defeat Lucifer. Gabriel wanted to convince himself that had been just the influence of both brothers. But deep down he knew that Sam was the one whose presence had been drawing him closer to them, so he would stay with them even though they despised him.

Well, for them he was just another monster they hadn't killed yet because he was still useful to them, or they thought he was and that he would help them again if they needed it. Oh, Gabriel would, no-brainer there, but he would always think of Sam and his well-being first, no matter what.

Since Gabriel's mind worked in weird and incomprehensible ways for anyone else, his jokes had usually fell on deaf ears, or the brothers snorted at him and gave him no mind at all, ignoring him at best, growling at him at worst.

It wasn't like the archangel had never been rejected by humans or frowned upon when he attempted to be the Trickster and joke his way around difficult situations. Gabriel knew it was his defence against hurt and vulnerability. Because being the prankster, that he had been for so many years, was an easy thing to distract everyone from his real character. In other words, Gabriel was a fucked-up archangel who had run from Heaven because his brothers had been upon their throats almost every damn day and he just didn't have enough strength to tear them apart and stop the madness. Gabriel had been young, for an archangel at least, cheerful and happy with everything alive and had wished to create things, play and prank others. But that poisonous atmosphere in the family had just taken the liveliness away from him. And Dad? Dad had been gone.

So pranking and joking around, sometimes punishing of assholes as well, had been his life since then, and it was just a way how to avoid anyone else finding out who he really was and how easy it would have been to hurt him and destroy everything.

Anyway, back to the problem at hand.

Gabriel thought that Sam was someone who would understand him and his reasons to do everything he had done. That he had ran when it had been too much to swallow, when his home hadn't been his home anymore but more like a battlefield, and that he had longed for recognition and especially peace. Gabriel had wanted to build up his own world and his own persona without anyone interfering. No Messenger of God, no stupid crap with paradise on Earth, no destiny bullshit. The archangel admired Sam for his bravery to stand up to his fate written into the imaginary stone since the beginning of time. Sam reminded him of himself when he had been young and full of energy and determination. Now he had none and wanted to feel it again through Sam. But Gabriel needed his friendship first, he needed Sam to talk to him and see him as something more than an ancient creature that had messed up with his life more than had been necessary.

And the one thing he really knew how to do was making fun of someone so that everyone would laugh and talk about it in years to come. But apparently, Gabriel's last prank hadn't been received well, or more like it had been one of the stupidest things he had ever done, and now a huge mass of a man was heading his way through the hall, radiating the anger into the air in waves as if a tsunami was approaching to kill him slowly and painfully.

Sam stormed into the room, stopping a few steps in front of the couch where Gabriel had been residing the majority of his time spent in the bunker, and he was fuming like an old locomotive. The archangel knew he had fucked up. And what had he done to cover it up? He leaned back so he could look up into Sam's eyes and smirked with just another remark on his lips.

"Hey Samshine, aren't you sweet candy for my eyes today?" Gabriel chuckled quietly and masked his apprehension wrapped up in a complete douchiness. Joking and pranking, that was something in which he bested the best. However, Sam wasn't laughing. There wasn't even a slight quirk of the corner of his lips, or a snort of annoyance, nothing that could signalize his amusement.

"What the fuck did you do it for?!" Sam shouted at him in irritation. "Why are you doing this?! Why are you even here?!" The hunter continued shouting at Gabriel loudly and angrily. Sam was so mad at him that the emotion sent uncontrollable shivers over his body.

Gabriel sobered up completely, his grin slipped away when he saw the hurt in Sam's eyes. It was a stupid prank to pull out the stick up Sam's ass, since the hunter didn't smile much, didn't talk with him and Gabriel craved for getting some reaction from him, but he hadn't thought about the consequences of his actions. His eyes flicked from Sam's face to the thing the hunter was holding in his arms tightly. Honey was all over it, dripping down from the edges to the floor.

"That was the last straw, you know. I've got everything, everything important and dear to me on this and if I lose it just because of your stupid, attention seeking bullshit, I will find a way to send you to hell, literally. And I don't care you helped us before. I don't give a shit because I had enough of you." Sam finished with determination, not afraid even a little of what Gabriel could do to him or to his brother, as he turned around and stalk off swiftly, leaving behind only smudges and footprints of honey on the floor.

Gabriel didn't know how to react or what to say to appease Sam's anger. He could fix the thing Sam was holding in his arms, but he was worried that Sam would flip out even more and did something that he wouldn't be able to stop. Of course, he would do it unawares to Sam, but still, this wasn't like he had imagined it when he had got the idea. This was the complete opposite and Gabriel felt the painful sting inside his body where the human heart resided, and it was the place where he had stashed his grace.

He was still gaping into the room blankly when Castiel appeared and gave him a stare which could rival even Raphael's and he was a master of angry stares.

"Gabriel, you are my brother and I have always look up to you when I was young, but right now you are being an idiot." Castiel said flatly and walked away, his trenchcoat flapping behind him in his quick movements, probably going to talk to Sam and help him to fix the thing. Gabriel noticed that his mouth had opened on its own, might be in shock, so he sealed his lips together as he sat there on the couch, all alone again, and he realized that the situation between Sam and him was even worse than before.

_I fucked up. Big time._

***

Gabriel was sitting alone somewhere, he didn't even know where he landed. He was staring at the horizon and not even noticing that it started raining. Forming a friendship with another human had never been as difficult as attempting it with Sam. Gabriel didn't know what to do, how to convince the brothers that he wasn't a bad guy anymore, or more like he wasn't going to hurt _them_ , not willingly.

The archangel was hurting and he hated it. It was something Gabriel didn't want to feel again but it was there nevertheless, eating his insides like a worm. He was _sad_ that he would never have more with Sam, that he wouldn't be enough for Sam, that his personality and his methods of showing the younger hunter what he felt for him would always stay in the way. Sam couldn't possibly end up with someTHING like him, mentally telling himself that he should just go away, but at the same time hating to not be around Sam for long. Gabriel would rather "play through the pain" so to speak so he could cherish the times Sam smiled, even though it hadn't been because of him, or laughed at something Dean said. Gabriel didn't know that this could be so painful and difficult to withstand, and his resolve to stay and fight for the recognition from Sam, or maybe something more, was slowly seeping away through his fingers.

Gabriel sighed deeply, though angels didn't breathe, it was just a habit of his, and flew somewhere unknown to pass some time there for a while, and let Sam cool down for a few days. Maybe humiliating some idiots and punishing assholes would take the edge off of him so that he wouldn't feel so empty inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers!
> 
> As I promised (or did I?), a new week means a new chapter. I really hope you enjoy it and know that I appreciate any kind of support from you. Tell me what you think. I'm curious :).
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> Enjoy!

# Chapter 3

 

Sam hadn’t slept well for days. There was that situation with Abaddon and they still didn’t find out a way how to stop her. And then there was that problem with the archangel, or more known as the Trickster, who hadn’t told anyone yet the reason why he was so interested in them and their lives in the bunker.

Sam had suspicions that Gabriel was so bored out of his mind and that he had just decided to jump into their home uninvited – who would ever invite him voluntarily – and surely planned some very ‘amusing’ prank on someone, and Sam would bet he was going to be a victim of the joke, of course. The hunter was pissed off just by the thought of being the ‘chosen one’. As if he hadn’t been messed up by some kind of destiny, if it even existed, and both demons and angels had been eager to ruin his life even more than it had been already.

His life sucked and Sam knew it. And then Gabriel had appeared out of thin air, sprawling over his favourite spot, the couch, in the bunker when he wanted to switch off and just enjoy himself watching some stupid rom-com movies, or his favourite documentaries. His mind sometimes needed rest and this was the best thing he had come up with considering his options right now.

Okay, Sam was ever the person who would give even a monster a chance to redeem themselves, since he himself wasn’t pure, as much as he tried to forget about that particular history of his. He had done some real shit in his short life, sometimes it was more devastating than what other beings had done, and some of them had lived longer on Earth than him. The problem appeared in the moment when he had to decide where the borderline was, when this thinking about monsters and their actions towards others could be considered redeemable or they were beyond salvation.

Sometimes their job wasn’t as easy as it looked. Sam had been through a lot lately and he himself didn’t know if his morality compass was right or not. Who was he to play God in these matters? The hunter realized that the things Gabriel had done or tried to do to people, human monsters as he would call them, was justice served right in his twisted way. And even though Sam didn’t want to admit it, Dean and he had been doing the same thing with only one difference – they had been hunting supernatural monsters.

So Sam had been getting used to the presence of the archangel in the bunker, who did nothing other than being an annoying brat as he had always been. But it was getting better, no deathly accidents in which Dean would die over and over again, or other similar crap. And Sam stopped thinking so hard about the things Gabriel could do to them. If he wanted to play with them some more, he would have done it already.

***

That day sucked ass from the moment he had woken up from a nightmare with a violent jerk up to a sitting position and a sudden twist of his right leg. That had hurt like a bitch. But that wasn't the only thing that had happened.

/\/\/\

It was 4 am, too early in the morning even for him. Sam thought that the nightmare had been it for this day and nothing worse could happen, right? Well, it wasn't his lucky day, apparently, particularly after he burnt his breakfast and spilt coffee all over himself.

After Sam had dressed casually, he headed to the bathroom to wash up. While taking a quick shower, the hunter came up with an idea to search for another case so he would distract himself from other things - his nightmares. It was rather early in the morning so there had been no one up yet and the angels usually stayed elsewhere, in their dimension probably. So Sam went back to his room for his laptop, thinking that he could use the extra time to browse the Internet and enjoy the quiet in the library.

Well, too bad the karma decided to give him some shit as a payback. When Sam opened the door to the library, he was hit by a huge yellow balloon filled with honey. The balloon  burst open, honey flying everywhere, especially on him of course. The sweet concoction was on his clothes, on his face, on his laptop. Pissed off wasn't even close to the emotion he had been feeling right then.

"Gabriel!!! I'll kill you!" Sam shouted into the room in rage.

So, Sam had been annoyed since the early morning and when Gabriel had done the prank on him, he just snapped. And then he just prayed to whomever was listening that the laptop hadn't been damaged by honey. It didn't occur to him that there was a possibility of the archangel fixing it with a snap of his fingers. Of course it didn't.

/\/\/\

Sam was sitting on the bed of his room, holding his laptop in his arms and trying to switch it on and determine the damage. His fingers stuck onto the keys and then he realized he had probably ruined his sheets as well by sitting on them covered with honey. But that wasn't important.

While Sam was trying to get onto the laptop main screen, Castiel appeared in his doorway, staring at him with that intensity of his as usual, saying nothing. The angel came closer to him wordlessly, touching the laptop lightly and after fixing it, he stepped away quickly as if he was afraid of Sam telling him about the personal space Castiel had always had a problem with. Sam sighed in relief and the tension in his whole body was slowly seeping through his skin and out into the air.

There was silence for a bit as Castiel was waiting for Sam to tell him about what had happened, and Sam was waiting for the angel to start the conversation first or rather leave him alone with his damn frustration and exhausted brain. The hunter didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to talk about himself, but Castiel's intense stare and silence was making him nervous and it was forcing him to talk, to say at least something so that the deafening quietness would stop. The only sound in the room was the humming of his completely fixed laptop.

"Sam. I know that my brother could be difficult sometimes but I cannot help to think that your reaction to his prank was too extreme. I happened to be a witness of Dean and you pranking each other and enjoying it. And if your anger had been caused by fear for the state of your laptop, Gabriel would have fixed it for you as well." Castiel said with a placating tone in his voice, which was very unusual for him since, as an angel, he wasn't used to showing emotions in the open. Sam sighed and put the computer on his now clean sheets, his clothes were also without sticky honey. This had been Castiel's work and Sam hadn't even noticed the change when it had happened.

The hunter leaned forward on his knees with his forearms and he was looking at the opposite wall, thinking.

"Cas. I just-. He makes me nervous. And I know he's your brother but you surely understand why I'm so suspicious of him being here, right?" Sam said as he looked up at Castiel, searching for understanding and some answers from him. The angel nodded slightly but didn't say anything in return as if he had known it hadn't been all from Sam. The hunter sighed loudly again.

"I mean. I don't know what you told him that day when you met him here, and you're kinda okay with him staying here, but still-. The prank was uncalled for. We're not buddies to fool around like that. He's not my brother. It's a completely different thing.

"Cas, you've been around for a couple of years now, but these things are not the same when someone else does it to you, you know?" Sam said, seeking understanding from the angel as he was looking into his intense eyes. It had always been too awkward to meet Cas' gaze as he didn't know how weird it looked from an outsider's point of view. His eyes travelled to an object somewhere behind Sam, as if he was thinking the given information through his brain and trying to get it.

"Alright. I am not sure if I understand fully what you mean, but I will not attempt to change your mind about this. It is your choice whom you want to prank and spent your free time with. But please, Sam, consider this. Gabriel is lonely. I do not know my brother so well now, but I know how loneliness looks like." Castiel paused for a few seconds as if remembering something from the past. "He is seeking attention from others. From you. He will not ask you for it openly but he will try in his own way." The angel said and after a while he walked out of the room, closing the door behind himself. It was strange to see him do that since it was such a human thing to do. No vanishing all of a sudden or anything like that. Castiel learned their ways and he was using newly observed habits because of them.

***

So, Sam had mulled over what Castiel had told him about Gabriel for a few hours and realized that his reaction to Gabriel’s prank had really been greatly exaggerated and that it hadn’t been such a catastrophe the hunter had imagined right at that moment. Sam hadn’t realized then that angels could fix things with just a thought how frustrated and out of patience he had been. Of course, Sam and Dean had done pranks on each other countless times so they could make themselves smile and laugh, which was a rare thing to experience in their lives since their childhood. That was one of the reasons why the brothers were so close to each other and they always tried to overcome difficult situations together. They were stronger together, though many beings had wanted to show them otherwise.

That day had just been overkill for Sam's nerves and he wanted it to end as soon as possible. He felt the beginning of painful pulses forming in his head, hearing a slight pounding inside of his skull. Shivers travelled through his body and he rubbed his eyes with his fingers strongly, willing away the exhaustion of the early morning.

It was just a morning still. How was Sam going to get over the rest of the day? He had no idea. But the hunter knew one thing. He should give Gabriel some slack. Sam had gone through the same thing after all and it hadn't been a walk in the park, not at all. The loneliness, bitterness and searching for revenge led him to Ruby. The desperation for some purpose in his life - a way to save Dean from Hell - had made him determined and strong but again too dependent on someone else and their ' good-natured advice'. Ruby had known him too well and she had used it against him. The demon manipulated him into killing Lilith, which they had wanted him to do all along, giving him hope that doing so he would save the world from Lucifer. Instead, it had been a trap and he had got caught in it like a fly in a web. And when he had realized what had been happening, it had been too late to stop it. Killing Ruby had been satisfying, but only for a moment.

Sam didn't forget that time when he had wanted to sink deep in something else before the heartache from losing his brother would have consumed him. And Gabriel had lost many brothers, all of his older brothers. And Castiel, his little brother, had killed many of them. Who knew what Gabriel felt about that? How had he survived the loss? Where had he even been all of that time they had been fighting leviathans? There were so many questions on Sam's mind and he wanted answers.

The decision had been made. Sam would go and try to talk to Gabriel. It didn't matter which topic they would choose to discuss. Loneliness was a bitch and he knew it.

Unfortunately, Gabriel was gone. He was gone the following day and the day after as well. When the archangel hadn't showed up for the whole week, Sam was beginning to think that he was the reason why Gabriel had run away and didn't come back. As if the guilt he had accumulated during the previous years wasn't enough, but apparently, Sam just couldn't live without some more on top of that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> How was the holidays?! I hope you're well rested :). Here is another chapter. 
> 
> Comments and criticisms are always welcome :).
> 
> Thank you.

# Chapter 4

"Hey, yo. What's up, Samsquatch?" Gabriel exclaimed as he appeared in the middle of the room, sitting in a mojo'd and very comfortable leather armchair - if he would say so himself - with a snickers bar in his right hand. He was gazing and smirking at Sam as he bit into the bar and made some interesting noises on purpose. Of course, Gabriel enjoyed the startled look on Sam's face. Who wouldn't. Those puppy-dog eyes were a killer on its own but when they were widened like that in surprise, the archangel could see the mesmerizing colour of them. Sometimes Sam's eyes were hazel, other times with a different lightening in the room they were green and blue. It was a play of shades and colours.

"What the fuck, Gabriel? You scared me to death." Sam squeaked in shock, his cheeks reddened in embarrassment at the change of his voice. But Gabriel didn't care about that. He was caught in a staring contest with Sam. The hunter hadn't ran out of the room immediately upon his arrival, he hadn't got mad at his appearance in the bunker just like that, unannounced again, Sam hadn't even snorted at Gabriel's strange extravagance with the armchair or him using a weird nickname for him. They just met each other's gazes and hadn't looked away for a few long moments, though Gabriel felt like it had been hours.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked to hide his embarrassment, bending down to pick up the book he had dropped after Gabriel's unforeseen arrival. And there it was again. Gabriel's smirk slowly slipped off his face while Sam wasn't looking and a little frown appeared between his brows that he quickly covered up with a fake laugh. Not that he hadn't expected such reaction from Sam, but he might have hoped that the hunter wouldn't be so loud about his displeasure of seeing him again in the bunker. It was disconcerting how that question hit so close to home, and he felt a strange sensation within his vessel, as if the light of his grace dimmed down upon hearing the words from Sam's lips.

"Well~, I couldn't just leave you two chuckleheads all alone with my little bro." Gabriel said nonchalantly, biting into the bar in attempt to cover the weird feelings inside of him with a coat of chocolate heaven. Gabriel winked at Sam once, seeing him squirm a bit under his gaze, which he found quite interesting, and he had to admit that he didn't understand why Sam would act like that.

"Seriously?!" Sam deadpanned incredulously as if he didn't believe that the only reason of Gabriel's coming here was to protect Castiel's virginity. And of course, he was right.

"Okay, you've got me. I'm bo~~red, Sammich! Why don't you get it already so we could move on and live our dandy lives without that venom of yours you're always sending my way. I'm not gonna pull a prank on you again, I promise! Nice and cute little angel." Gabriel said with a grin. Even though he made it sound like he was messing with Sam, in reality he had truly meant it this time. He didn't want to hurt Sam or try something on him so that the hunter would hate him more if it were even possible in their case.

"I-... Um. Okay. Whatever." Sam very 'eloquently' uttered out as he took another of his books he had brought from the bookshelves, opening it afterwards as he continued reading without any other word. Gabriel knew that Sam had been reading in the library for a while now, since he had been watching him the whole time. As creepy as it sounded, it was the only way how to stay in the same room like Sam without the hunter reacting exactly the same way as he had just a moment ago. Although it hadn't been the worst reaction to Gabriel's presence, it hadn't been the best, either. But as they said, he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Sam was quietly reading the book without a glance to his direction, which was all kinds of strange if he could say so. Gabriel expected that Sam would humoured him for a while but then he would want to kick him out at least with some nasty wording, the same way as before. But he was silent the whole time. He just kept flipping the pages and studying whatever the hell he was so interested in and didn't even look up to see what Gabriel was up to. It looked very much like Sam trusted him enough not to watch him at least from the corner of his eye or to check on him from time to time if he was planning some idiotic joke. Not that Gabriel was going to do anything, since he didn't want to make Sam angry again, and especially not now when they were spending their free time in the same room without any snarks or snorts from one side or the other.

The silence was so unusual that it was making him uneasy, and Gabriel just waited for the other shoe to drop. Maybe some kind of a payback from Sam? Maybe using a banishing sigil on him. That would be appropriate for some of the stuff Gabriel had done to Sam and his brother. There was also another option, crueller and more adequate, how to punish him and that was expelling his grace from the vessel back into Heaven, or pouring some holy oil onto him. That was also a possibility. The boys had surely stashed some into their car. And Castiel could be a good source of torture techniques that would be able to bring him quite a lot of pain.

Gabriel shuddered upon all the ideas swarming his brain and that hadn't gone unnoticed. When he looked back up to watch Sam reading his book, their eyes met and they were staring at each other for a few seconds until Sam had to blink to wet his eyes. There was a crease between Sam's eyebrows as if he had been thinking too hard about something and suddenly Gabriel wanted to know what it was. The hunter looked so concentrated, so focused on the thing or a thought in his mind, but he didn't averted his gaze at something else and he was still looking at Gabriel as if he was the most interesting thing in the room. _What?!_

After a while Sam looked down at the open book again, probably going back to his reading. Maybe Sam had been just caught in deep thought and he hadn't even meant to stare at Gabriel, had he? That would be ridiculous, right? Gabriel watched Sam's fingers pressing on the pages of the book, clearly not reading anymore, and then he shifted a little on the chair he was sitting in. Gabriel didn't know what Sam was thinking about and reading his mind would be too intruding even for him, so he got back to his dark thoughts, still lounging in his luxurious armchair.

"Where have you been?" Sam said without looking up as he kept staring into the book that he wasn't reading anymore. That question had taken Gabriel off guard as he stared at Sam with widened eyes and even his lips parted on their own accord how surprised he was.

"What?" Gabriel muttered in surprise, unsure if the question had been really directed at him, or it had been a part of Sam's thought processes and he had just voiced them out loud without even knowing. That sometimes happened to humans. But then Sam raised his eyes and looked at him again, giving him the same question.

"Where have you been all these days?" Sam folded his arms, supporting himself as he leaned over the table as if he wanted to be closer to Gabriel and was really interested in him. Sam's hazel eyes were searching, demanding some response and Gabriel suddenly realized that the hunter wanted him to talk about his life. The archangel would love to talk about it but it was nothing he could tell Sam, since those things he had done weren't worth mentioning, especially not to Sam, who would hate him for it again and wouldn't want him to stay any longer.

When Sam had kicked him out, or at least it had been obvious that Gabriel hadn't been welcomed there any more than before, the archangel had felt this unexplainable urge to let off some steam out of his form so he had left and gone back to the thing he had known how to do best - punishing assholes. It had been something familiar that Gabriel had always known how to deal with, unlike all those feelings attacking his body and grace.

And now Sam wanted to know what Gabriel had been doing for all those days out of the bunker. Wasn't it all kinds of peachy? Before, Sam hadn't showed any interest in him and the stories from his life before the Apocalypse. Why was he asking now? What had changed?

"Why? If I remember right, you hate me and ignore me most of the time, what gives?" Gabriel asked firmly without any humour in his tone. This completely new interest in him was making him really jittery. The silence had been weird but this was giving him red flags and all the fucking warning signs were starting to show up in his brain.

"I just... Well." Sam paused, averting his eyes on the right side of the table, and then he shook his head. "Nevermind. Forget I asked." Sam said with a deep exhale as he grabbed the book he had been reading and probably headed to his room. This was no good and Gabriel tried to come up with a story he would be able to tell without any deaths or messing with other people in them. His mind raced like crazy and then it came to him.

"Have you ever seen Niagara Falls, Sam?" Gabriel inquired in attempt to stop Sam running away from him again. He couldn't let this opportunity slip away through his fingers just like that. He just couldn't. Sam stopped, turning around to face Gabriel, shuffling around for a while as he mulled over his answer for just a while, a crease had formed between his eyebrows.

"No?" Sam replied but it had sounded more like a question, as if he didn't know what was the right response. Gabriel's eyes lightened up upon hearing Sam's answer and he smiled at Sam, genuinely pleased that he could, after all, tell Sam something from his time out of here.

"Well, if you still wanna know where I was the last week," Gabriel paused and with a snap of his fingers mojo'd one beer onto the side of the table where Sam had been residing just a moment ago, and a very sweet cocktail for himself. "why don't you sit and enjoy the story, then." Gabriel smirked and waggled his eyebrows on Sam, which earned him an eye-roll from the hunter. Sam came back to sit at the table, eying the bottle of beer but after a while he just shrugged his shoulders and drank some. And he hadn't even been suspicious about it. Gabriel was so stunned that Sam had to clear his throat to get him out of his amazement.

_What the hell happened?_ Gabriel mused and told himself to find out later.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dears!
> 
> Here it is! Another chapter, as always on Tuesday. I hope you'll like it. Tell me what you think :). I'd appreciate it very much.
> 
> Enjoy!

# Chapter 5

 

His brain was getting more and more creative in terms of nightmares and Sam still couldn't sleep much these past couple of weeks so he used the extra time for some research until Dean would wake up and Cas would appear right behind him like Swiss watch.

After such exhausting and sometimes even nerve-wracking nights, Sam would hide himself in the library and look for some other way to kill Abaddon. Of course, there was that way with the Mark of Cain and the First Blade, but the consequences of accepting the mark and a possible outcome of killing Abaddon with the blade, that was so unsettling that Sam couldn't let Dean do it to himself. And there had to be some other way how to kill the Knight of Hell. So the younger hunter had spent much of the time in the library, reading everything the Men of Letters had on Hell and demons, and the Knights. There wasn't much but Sam hadn't read everything yet, so there was still some hope to find another way. And if it were to take every bit of his strength and energy and lack of sleep on top of that, Sam didn't really care because this was about his brother sacrificing himself for everyone in the world. Sam knew what it was like to do such a thing, remembering that time when he had gone and surrendered to Lucifer, believing in his will to overcome the devil. It had been very, very painful to fight him in his mind but the memories of his family and close friends had just given him enough strength to beat Lucifer at least for a little while, and again Sam had proved everyone they should have never tried to fuck with the Winchesters.

Although Abaddon was strong, the demon wasn't the strongest of the Knights of Hell. Sam knew that Lilith had been the first human soul corrupted by Lucifer, making her the first demon ever, and that meant that her powers had been at least at the same level as Abaddon's. However, killing Lilith had been predestined a long time ago and Sam had been just a pawn in all that.

Sam still hadn't found any word about a weapon, except the blade, or a supernatural being who would be able to kill her. Angels didn't want anything to do with them and Sam didn't even trust them enough to try and ask them for help. And who knew if they would be able to help anyway. And there was literally nothing else so that they wouldn't have to go through Cain.

***

Sam was so deep in thought, trying to find at least one word about another way how to get rid of Abaddon for good, when Gabriel appeared out of thin air with his usual smirk on his face and mojo'd furniture, since he thought that their chairs weren't comfortable enough, except the couch he had loved to take over for days. Of course, this sudden appearance startled Sam. After all, Gabriel had disappeared one day and hadn't come back for weeks, even Castiel didn't know where the archangel had gone.

So yes, Sam was shocked and surprised to see Gabriel in the bunker again, but his first question wasn't the best he could come up with. Anyway, the stares and unsubtle glances Gabriel had been giving him the whole time they were in the library together brought all kinds of weird sensations into his body but Sam ignored them as best as he could, being more interested in making some conversation with the archangel after that fiasco last time. The hunter remembered Castiel's words that day Gabriel had run away and realized that he could really use some distraction right now.

Sam noticed that Gabriel had been fidgety and deep in thought while he was reading the book, but he had to admit that there had definitely been a change in the archangel's behaviour. He didn't shower him with remarks and lewd comments. They spent the time in the library in comfortable silence. But Sam couldn't concentrate on the task before him anymore so he decided to find out a bit more about Gabriel and his life. The hunter was a bit curious what the archangel had been doing before he came back this morning, and of course, Sam would never say no to a story or two from the history, and he was sure that Gabriel had many of them since he had pretended to be Loki and the Trickster for a very long time.

Well, Sam definitely didn't expect to hear about Niagara Falls but whatever, it had been an interesting glimpse into Gabriel's life and they had even laughed a bit together. After the archangel had finished the story, they both didn't have anything other to add but didn't want to part ways yet. They were surrounded by companionable silence, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the old clock on the wall. Sam was nursing his beer, it wasn't even 9 am and Dean would be up soon.

"Do you wanna see them?" Gabriel asked out of the blue and Sam's head jerked up in surprise. Their eyes met and they looked at each other for a few moments. Sam still couldn't get used to how unpredictable Gabriel was, and especially now after they really had a friendly conversation for once.

Sam had never given too much thought in the working of angels' vessels. Of course, he was curious how they chose the people they would take as their vessels. Castiel had told him something about Jimmy and how devoted he had been to God and that he had prayed for the possibility to help them. Sam could imagine that Jimmy had changed his mind the second he had been a witness of Castiel's doings. And the angel had told Sam that he had regretted his actions afterwards. But not many angels would feel remorse like Cas.

Sam knew that angels didn't have a gender and Raphael had possessed both a man and a woman and hadn't cared about it. Even Castiel had taken Jimmy's daughter's body. But did some angels cared about their appearance and chose their vessels by their looks? Sam had never thought about such things until now when he saw the colour of Gabriel's eyes as if the sunrays streamed through a glass of whiskey. They were mesmerizing and there was an unexplainable glint in them that could be the archangel's grace manifesting itself a little. Sam blinked a couple of times and shook his head to get himself from the daze and try to remember what Gabriel had asked him.

"What? Yeah, of course. I'd love that." Sam hurried to answer, still not as focused as he should have been. He registered the movement from the other side of the table as Gabriel stood up and went around the table towards him, and didn't immediately get what was going on. Sam watched him with widened eyes and then realized how his response could have sounded to Gabriel.

"Wait. You mean, you wanna take me there? Right now?" Sam asked with some apprehension in his voice, tensing a bit, and when Gabriel stopped right in front of him and looked at him with those eyes of his, smiling subtly (Sam could see the little creases in the corners of his eyes), but it was a genuine smile, the hunter shivered involuntarily, squeezing the bottle of beer more strongly and showing so how nervous he was feeling.

Gabriel touched his arm and then it happened. Sam didn't understand what his body was doing but it went from calm and a bit nervous just a moment ago to frantic and crazy in seconds. The electrifying pulse surged through his arm and spread itself into his whole body. His heartbeat quickened, his blood rushed through his veins wildly, and he could feel a blush creeping into his face as the blood flowed south into places he didn't want it to. And all of this had been caused just by the light touch of Gabriel's fingers on his forearm. _What the hell?_

Sam quickly looked up at Gabriel and suddenly he was hyperaware of every little detail about the archangel, not just of his eyes, but also his hair and mouth and how warm and right his palm felt on his skin. And the hunter could see the change in Gabriel's posture as well. When Gabriel pulled his hand back to his side as if burnt, he shuffled nervously around, not meeting Sam's eyes.

"Um, well. If you want to, of course." Gabriel uttered quickly and after a few seconds he snapped up himself a candy bar and bit into it. Sam could see how weirded out the archangel had been by the sensations he had felt upon the contact with his skin. The fabric of his t-shirt wasn't even a layer for them. The hunter was desperately trying to deflate the awkward situation and stood up, leaving the beer on the table.

"No, no. Of course, I want to. But not now, I mean, I've gotta do more research and it's pretty important." Sam said, hiding nervousness under the pretence of his other duties. Even though just an hour ago - _Was it an hour ago already?!_ \- he had needed as much distraction as he could get from the archangel, and now he'd rather see himself anywhere but in the same room as him. And for once, it wasn't so because Sam didn't like Gabriel's company or him talking about his life, telling Sam stories and creative ways how he had humiliated some other, quite powerful, creatures in the world. It was just the way how Gabriel looked at him and how amiable he had been the whole time they had spent together in the library.

Sam heard echoes of footsteps coming out from the hallway - probably Dean's - and then also loud voice spreading through as Castiel had surely appeared right beside Dean, as always, and his brother wasn't happy about it.

"Dammit, Cas! What did I tell you. No whooshing around unexpected or one day you give me a heart attack!" Dean exclaimed.

"Yes, Dean." Castiel said flatly, unaffected by Dean's outburst.

"And Cas, dude? Personal space." Sam could hear Dean uttering in dismay and that meant they were close to the common area and also the library.

"And that's my cue." Gabriel said and when Sam turned around to face him, the archangel winked at him once and was about to snap himself away. But Sam could see through the layer of badassary and nonchalance Gabriel had always tried to hide behind. It was clear as a day that he wanted to stay in the bunker but he thought that he was unwelcome. Oh yes, Dean might be against the archangel staying with them here, but he had got used to it before, and since when Gabriel had given any shit about what others wanted and thought about him? Before Gabriel would run away again, Sam grabbed his arm firmly to stop him.

"Wait!" Sam said and quickly added, "you know, you can stay if you want to."

"Why, kiddo. What's changed your mind? If you're doing this just for the trip to Niagara Falls, don't worry. I'll take you there either way. See you later, Samshine." Gabriel said with a smirk and a waggle of his eyebrows and disappeared like a mist in the morning. Sam dropped his arm back to his side and sagged into the chair again, suddenly tired not just physically but also mentally.

_What the hell happened?_ Sam thought to himself as he was sitting at the table, absentmindedly flipping through a book from the pile he had collected from the bookshelves before.

"Sammy!" Dean exclaimed from the doorway as he headed towards the table, having Castiel in toe, still standing too close to his brother but Dean hadn't reprimanded him about it, getting used to it slowly but surely. Well, they had gone through a lot together. The change of their relationship had been natural between them.

"What have you been doing here?" Dean asked, picking up one of the books and leafing through it without much interest.

"Researching, what else could I do." Sam laughed out, but it was strained and sounded fake even to his ears. Fortunately, Dean hadn't noticed, but Cas had. His famous head-tilt showed his doubts about the tone of Sam's voice. So, to distract them both from himself, Sam stood up swiftly, rubbing his palms against each other.

"Wanna some late breakfast? I'm starving." Sam said cheerfully and yes, he was also hungry as hell.

"You need to ask?" Dean chuckled and headed to the kitchen. Though Castiel stayed behind, staring at Sam with the usual intensity.

"Thank you, Sam." Castiel said without anything else as he went after Dean, leaving Sam dumbfounded and a bit confused. Why was Cas thanking him? Sam thought about it for a while, but then he was pulled out of his thoughts by Dean's loud muttering from the kitchen "Get off my ass, Cas. I'm trying to cook here." and Sam laughed out loud at Dean's complaints. He loved his brother and he would find another way how to kill Abaddon, he would! 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> It's Tuesday! And here is another chapter for you :). I'm really glad that someone's decided to read this and I thank you for the support. You know I would also appreciate your comments and thoughts on this :).
> 
> Enjoy!

# Chapter 6

Gabriel could keep telling himself that the main reason why he had disappeared from the bunker had been Dean heading their way and that he hadn't been in the mood to deal with angry older Winchester. But in reality it had been the feelings and sensations he had felt upon placing his palm on Sam's forearm when he had been about to take him to Niagara Falls as he had promised earlier. Gabriel wasn't going to admit that he had been freaked out by the reactions of his vessel and grace alike. Those two traitors had just decided to make his life more difficult than it already was, and must have created some kind of connection with Sam without him even knowing. Surely! Not that he had never been attracted to someone else, but this had felt quite different as if he had found a long lost friend again. And of course, Gabriel would be blind if he didn't see that Sam was attractive, and strong, kind and caring on top that. Everything what he wasn't. That was why the archangel had wanted to get to know Sam more, to find his own true nature through the hunter, to rediscover his original role in this world.

But falling for Sam wasn't the plan!

Sighing in frustration, Gabriel rubbed over his face several times, pressing his fingers into the flesh of his cheeks and then stroking over his temples - a human thing he had adopted from them to blend in - as he was thinking over the events that had happened in the library, staring blankly at the city below him. It was confusing and also frightening a little bit, which Gabriel didn't want to admit to himself, but it was truly fear he had felt after he replayed the whole interaction with Sam once more in his head. On the one hand the archangel really wanted to spend as much time as possible with Sam. The hunter was a good company, smart and witty. On the other hand, such emotions Gabriel had gone through were unexpected so his survival instinct had kicked in immediately and he had run away like a coward he was.

It had been a long time ago that he had let himself feel something so strongly towards another being. Oh, there had been familial love somewhere in his life but it had been gone for years, destroyed by his brothers and their ridiculous, sometimes even childish, spats. He didn't want to feel vulnerable again so that someone else could stomp onto his grace and ruin every hope for better days, for something good in his life. That was also why he had hidden himself behind another persona so he could cover up his weaknesses. And feelings was a weakness.

But then Gabriel had to bump into the Winchester brothers and he had to meet Sam again, and see by himself how strong-willed the hunter was and despite all the shit happening to him, he kept all those good qualities that Gabriel had left behind when he had ditched Heaven. He hadn't been the most obedient angel back in the days, of course, not all that snark and mischief was a part of his role as the Trickster, mind you. Gabriel had been a prankster since the beginning of his existence, but until the moment he had met Sam and got to know him more, he would have never thought that he had changed for worse so much. All that cruelty and no compassion had engulfed him completely like a wave of darkness and he just couldn't get out and later he didn't want to anymore. Surely, it had been better than being lost and hurt. Well, at least that was what he had been telling himself to get rid of the guilt he had started to feel when they had dodged the Apocalypse.

Was this his life now? Not knowing what to expect from anyone, more so from himself? Gabriel longed for someone to talk to who wasn't his brother or some kind of creature he had met as the Trickster or Loki, and the only one who was left were humans. Okay, there were more creatures in the world who hadn't had a chance to meet him in person, but who the hell would ever trust them? Gabriel knew their kind. His kind actually. What was he kidding? Sam's actions and behaviour had blown his mind and shook with his entire world, shifted this equilibrium within him. And suddenly, he didn't know what to do with himself.

Gabriel had always known what was his purpose. There had always been a goal set, somewhere to head to, and he didn't have to think about it too hard. But since that time they had fought together against his own brother, Gabriel just wanted to belong somewhere again. Every pagan god or demigod had got the memo of him being really an archangel, so they feared him or despised him. And the only other ones who knew his true identity were the Winchesters. His brothers bore some stupid ancient grudge against him for him running away from them when they had needed him the most - what a joke. As if he had been at fault that Michael and Raphael hadn't cared about the state of Heaven after their Dad had dumped all the responsibilities onto them. No one had been prepared for taking the reins alone and Michael could think whatever he wanted.

When Gabriel had stopped hiding and decided that the Apocalypse had been wrong from the beginning after all and his brothers hadn't cared for anyone but themselves so much that they had forgotten their true purpose in this world, he didn't want to deal with Heaven anymore. Castiel was different, true, and Gabriel could see how he had changed and that he wasn't just a pawn in a stupid game anymore, that his little brother had grown and realized that free will was a good thing, and that making mistakes and trying to set everything right again, like humans did all the time, was better than feeling that they were beneath him. It had taken Gabriel years and years to remember who he really was and that he could fight for the right thing for a change. However, this cruelty was so engraved within him that every time he felt hurt or abandoned, he would succumb into it again and he would go and lose himself in punishing assholes, having an upper hand at least in that area. Gabriel knew it was wrong and no one - especially Sam - would ever want to be close to him if they had known that about him.

The archangel craved that something Castiel had with Dean and Sam. Someone who would know about all that shit he had done and faults in his character and still talk to him and take him in as he was. And now as if by some miracle, Sam didn't hate him, even talked to him and laughed with him, and didn't mind Gabriel taking him somewhere alone, just them. The archangel didn't know what to do with it, with this trust Sam reposed in him. It had been such a surprise and such an amazingly spent time together that during that short time Gabriel had somehow developed true and deep feelings for the hunter. Gabriel could blame it on his loneliness all he wanted, but the truth was that this connection he held towards Sam was strong and beautiful. And he would do everything in his power to genuinely deserve it and prove to Sam that he could be a good friend to him as well. Gabriel still didn't know what had happened that Sam's opinion on him had changed so drastically but as people said, he wasn't going to look a given horse in the mouth.

While Gabriel had been licking his wounds after the fight to death with Lucifer, he had caught some bits and pieces of information roaming around on the angel radio about the world going to shit again. Castiel killing so many brothers of theirs, and then letting Leviathans escape from Purgatory. Gabriel hadn't wanted to deal with it. Still weak and coping with killing his favourite brother. Although Lucifer had changed so much that he almost hadn't recognized him, he was still his brother. So much darkness had resided within Lucifer, it had been so hard to look at him and to see his corrupted grace. Gabriel hadn't been sure back at the Elysian Fields hotel whether there had been something left from the brother whom he had adored immensely.

And then he felt it.

Gabriel had known right then that something very wrong was going on in the world again. Some very dark and powerful being had been set loose. Ancient. Not as ancient as he was, but still. That had always meant trouble and Gabriel could have bet on anything that the Winchesters had been at it. So yeah, blame him for checking it out and trying to stick around for some time to make sure that they were still alive. The problem was that Gabriel had got carried away and stashed the suspicions into the back of his mind and rather focused on Sam and his character. And soul, beautiful and bright thing that any angel would have wanted to feel if it hadn't been Sam Winchester's. The hunter was like a beacon for trouble. Everything going wrong with the world in terms of supernatural stuff was connected to the brothers one way or the other. Not that his brothers would ever appreciate Sam.

When thinking about it some more, Gabriel had never asked about the force he had felt some time ago. He should investigate and ask Sam about it. Now when they talked to each other and the hunter didn't have a problem to spend his free time with Gabriel in the same room, he could find another opportunity to get some information out of Sam.

And then it hit him.

"I'm an idiot!" Gabriel groaned in exasperation as he slapped himself into his forehead, shaking his head how stupid and dazzled he had been by the change in Sam's behaviour towards him. After all, Sam had told him something about very important research he had been doing and if Gabriel hadn't been acting like a schoolgirl chatting with her crush for the first time, he would have realized that the research must have been connected to the dark force he had felt.

"Seriously, I'm getting old." Gabriel sighed and smoothed his hair back from his forehead, determined to go back into the bunker and ask Sam directly. The archangel was aware that Sam might refuse to tell him anything about it. But, Gabriel could help them and this way he would be able to show them that he wasn't just another monster to kill or use and then kill. Gabriel was powerful and for once he really wanted to help them without them even having to ask.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> As always on Tuesday, here is another chapter for you. I've been quite busy lately. I'm taking driving lessons and looking for a new job. It takes a lot of time and energy and I just want to tell you that I'm not sure whether I manage to write the next chapter on time. Rest assured that I'll try to update on next Tuesday, but I can't promise you anything. And for that I am sorry. I know how it is. I'm also a reader and like to read complete fanfics (or updated regularly) as well. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter :). As always, I appreciate everything you send my way. Comments and criticisms are welcome! :)

# Chapter 7

Sam had a morning routine he had rarely changed and today wasn't any different. As usual, after waking up at 7 am - with a nightmarish images still lingering in the front of his mind - he went for a run and then wash himself before Dean would crawl out of his bed and take over the bathroom for his annoyingly long showers. Not that Sam would see his brother up and running before 9 am often and honestly, it was a good thing, or more like a miracle, that Dean could sleep that long, and Sam wasn't going to tell him anything about it.

This morning's run had done wonders to his mind as he felt refreshed and ready to shower and do some more research. There were still some books Sam hadn't looked through yet but the time was running out and he had to come up with something before Dean would decide that there was no other way.

"That's bullshit. There's gotta be something!" Sam growled angrily while showering, hot water falling down onto his head and shoulders, soothing his nerves and muscles slowly. While Sam was rinsing his hair, tilting his head back so that the water would fall onto his face and through his hair and wash the shampoo away, he shivered involuntarily as a soft draft hit his skin, leaking through the small holes in the shower stall. Sometimes when Dean 'accidently' walked into the bathroom without knocking or checking out whether it was empty, Sam would feel the wind flow into the stall, but his brother was still asleep. He stopped, his instincts kicking in immediately, and turned around quickly, slowly turning the water off. Sam listened and watched through the glass for a while but he couldn't hear or see anyone or anything out of the ordinary. When nothing happened for a few moments, he stepped out of the stall and started drying himself, trying to relax again. Now that would be awesome, getting paranoid over every little thing. His mind was playing tricks on him and Sam didn't like it one bit.

The feeling that someone was watching him didn't go away even after Sam had gone through every damn room in the bunker. Except Dean's room, of course. Sam really didn't want to know what his brother did there. Paranoia be damned. Rather be cautious than sorry afterwards. His stomach made a growling noise and with that Sam decided to distract himself by making some breakfast, not that there were many options in the bunker, since Dean never did shopping and if he did, it was usually the same crappy and not really healthy food his brother always ate on the road. And pie, of course.

After breakfast and a decent cup of coffee, Sam headed to the library and as he sat at the table, he started reading one of the books he had prepared the other day. Sam had never complained about the silence surrounding him, since he could concentrate better and did much more than in other circumstances. But today, he felt as if he hadn't been alone since the shower and it was disconcerting. Sam needed to focus on the damn books, but there must have been something different in the bunker today. His instincts had hardly ever failed him. And if he had been watched the whole time, what could he do? Sam grimaced upon the realization that if there was someone in the bunker, invisible to the human eye, that someone watched him in the shower, or he was fooling himself and slowly giving in to the paranoia? He shook his head and continued reading.

Sam was leafing through one of the books he had already read but thought that he would go through it again, just to be sure he hadn't missed anything. Dean would wake up soon and demand some late breakfast, not that Sam would jump and run to make him some. His brother also had two hands so he could use them for something else than killing monsters. And then Sam saw something from the corner of his eye and glanced up to look what it was. Of course, he should have expected it to be Gabriel, the old creep. It was something angels had in common, apparently, as Castiel did the same thing all the time despite Dean telling him not to do it.

"Hello, kiddo." Gabriel said with a wink, sitting in the mojo'd leather armchair again and sucking on a lollipop. Sam tried to suppress the shiver that ran over his spine upon hearing the noises Gabriel was making. This shouldn't have been happening to him. Sam wasn't so desperate to jump onto the archangel and molest him. Nope, he wasn't. _I need to get laid soon._ He thought to himself.

"Hey. Um... What are you doing here?" Sam said, stuttering a little as if his vocal cords, and his brain as well, had lost the ability to work properly in front of Gabriel and it didn't go unnoticed as the archangel smirked at him, making even more noises. Were those moans? What the fuck was he doing it for?

"Mmm... Just checking in, if you guys aren't in any more trouble than necessary. What d'you have there, Sammich?" Gabriel asked, pointing at the book Sam had been reading before he had been interrupted. It looked like an ordinary question, asked just out of curiosity, but Sam sensed the real interest from Gabriel. But why? The archangel hadn't given a damn about them when the Leviathans had tried to rule the world and killed so many people, making them their puppets. He hadn't even helped Castiel to set Heaven in order, nothing. Why the interest now?

"Umm..." Sam mumbled very 'eloquently' again, his mind blank. The hell with it. If he was going to get laugh at, he was prepared for that. "I'm trying to find a way how to kill a Knight of Hell. Any ideas?" Sam said firmly, looking at Gabriel the whole time and expecting to hear another string of stupid remarks, how idiotic they were to think that they could kill a Knight of Hell, and what they had done this time to get into this mess, and other bullshit like that. But there was nothing from Gabriel, no jokes at all. Sam could see how Gabriel's eyes widened for a bit, clearly in surprise, though it was short-lived. The archangel's face sobered after a few seconds and a frown appeared between his eyebrows, his lips pressed into a thin line as if he were angry about something. Sam had never noticed before how expressive Gabriel's face was, watching him with fascination.

"I should've known." Gabriel whispered, apparently just for himself, since he wasn't even looking at Sam, but the hunter had heard him anyway. What he was talking about? Gabriel knew about Abaddon?

"You know about Abaddon?" Sam blurted out before he could stop himself. Oh well, Gabriel knowing about Abaddon wouldn't change anything anyway, but why would he be asking Sam about it?

"Yeah, nope. I just felt some dark force appear on Earth some time ago. And then I thought I'd ask you since you guys are always nearby when something's wreaking havoc around here. And look at that! I was right." Gabriel said, trying to be nonchalant about it but Sam could hear the concern in the archangel's voice. Jumping up and swiftly stepping to the table Sam had put all his books about Hell and demons, Gabriel touched every one of them lightly and then hummed as if in thought, putting his forefinger on his lips and slowly sliding it over them. Sam shouldn't find it hot and he definitely shouldn't feel an urge to taste those lips himself. And he was staring! He shook his head, trying to focus on the words Gabriel was saying.

"... and I'm sure you won't find anything in those. There's nothing on Abaddon. This particular demon is quite powerful. One of the strongest. Mmm. I'm just curious, what the hell did you do this time? Abaddon hasn't been around for centuries." Gabriel said a bit irritated by the fact that the demon was alive and kicking, but this time it wasn't their fault, though their family had been involved. Sighing loudly, Sam smoothed his hair back from his forehead and rubbed over his temples in small circles, trying to soothe his nerves. He could feel Gabriel watching him closely, waiting for him to spill everything out. And honestly, Sam was sure that by telling Gabriel about their situation wouldn't make it worse for them than it already was.

"Well," Sam breathed out heavily, seeing that there were no other options, he continued, "this time it wasn't our fault, but it doesn't matter whose fault it was. Abaddon is here and we've managed to get some info how to kill her for good, and that's with the mark of Cain and the blade. And this," Sam said desperately as he pointed at the books scattered on the table, half opened, "is me trying to find another way because Dean's an idiot and wants to sacrifice himself." Sam paused, trying to calm himself down. He could feel his pulse elevated and his heart was beating like crazy how angry he was getting at the world and their lives. Gabriel's light touch on his shoulder was like balm to his soul, soothing his mind and taking him back from his head onto the surface of the world. Damn, he nearly had a panic attack. Sam quickly stroked over his face several times to get himself out of it and then he looked up at Gabriel, who was still holding him by his shoulder, his touch warm, doing wonders for his heartbeat. And his eyes were as mesmerizing as the last time when he had gazed into them.

_Beautiful._

Gabriel cleared his throat as he averted his eyes from Sam's and pulled away, taking the warmness of his touch with him. And right in that second Sam realized that he might have said the word out loud. Embarrassed, he hurried to gloss over the slip of his tongue.

"Okay, well. I should go and find some more books." Sam said in surrender, exhausted already and it wasn't even 9 am. He stood up and went towards the bookshelves, adding softly over his shoulder, "See you around I guess." Never looking back at Gabriel, thinking that the archangel would whoosh away with a flutter of his wings, though that was Castiel's speciality. The angel at least made some noise before he would take off unlike Gabriel.

Sam was looking through the books quietly, cataloguing them for the future use, when he heard rustling of pages behind him. He turned around and his eyes fell on the form of the archangel, sitting in one of the chairs at the table and leafing through the books quickly with one hand, having some candy in his other one. That the image of it all had surprised Sam was an understatement, because why would Gabriel stay here?

"You know, Sam. You're smart and I'm not telling that just to compliment you. It's a fact. But sometimes you're being incredibly slow on the uptake." Gabriel glanced at him over his shoulder, smirking as if Sam was a victim of an inside joke and the only one who knew about it was the archangel himself. The hunter wanted to protest and tell him to piss off, but he contained his annoyance and breathed deeply to calm himself down, for now.

"What the hell, Gabriel?" Sam said indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest and silently fuming, and he could feel a pout appearing on his face. _Serve him right!_ Okay, he was being childish but whatever.

"Sam, can't you see? Just think about it for a while. Who can kill a Knight of Hell without much trouble, hmm?" Gabriel asked with a waggle of his eyebrows. It had taken him a few moments but then it hit him like a brick in the face.

"Archangels." Sam whispered in utter disbelieve that he hadn't realized it sooner. He let his hands fall back to his sides as he was staring at Gabriel.

"Bingo!" Gabriel exclaimed cheerily as he jumped out of his seat. "So," the archangel was walking towards him slowly, a smirk appeared on his face again, "what are you gonna do with that piece of info, Sammich?" Gabriel stopped a few inches in front of him, looking up into his eyes. And there it was again, that glint, a spark in his eyes, the light worming his way into Sam's soul and doing weird things to him.

"Err..." Sam dropped his gaze and right at Gabriel's lips. How did they got so close to each other? Sam could feel the warmth radiating from Gabriel's body. A shiver ran over his spine and he blushed as he felt his blood rushing south. Not a good time to be aroused. And why the fuck was he even turned on so much?

"Sam?" Gabriel asked, getting him out of his haze, looking at him with concern in his eyes. Sam was confused by all these sensations and emotions Gabriel had been showing towards him lately. He needed some fresh air, right fucking now.

"Uhmm... Sorry, Gabriel." Sam croaked out, embarrassing himself even more, backing away from Gabriel. "I just need some air. Could we talk about this later?" he pleaded. Gabriel had offered his help, by himself, and Sam wasn't going to fuck it up by acting like a horny teenager. Just because his body had been going through some sexual crisis, and Gabriel with his flirtatious behaviour wasn't helping one bit, Sam wasn't going to act upon it. _Nope!_

"Sure thing, kiddo. I'll be around. Just call me when you're ready. You know, by praying. It still works." Gabriel said and winked at him before disappearing soundlessly like a morning mist.

That was close, which was why Sam needed a very cold shower right fucking now, hoping Dean wasn't currently occupying the bathroom. Almost running to wash this desperation off of himself, of course, he had to bump into Dean in the hallway, passing him in a rush so he wouldn't embarrass himself in front of his own brother, earning himself one loud "What the hell, dude?!" from Dean, but Sam didn't really care. He couldn't face the day, and especially his brother, with this itch under his skin and a half hard-on under his pants. A cold shower would help, surely.

The day couldn't have started better, really. But, at least now Sam had a way how to kill Abaddon without Dean ruining his own life in the process.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> It's Tuesday!! Fortunately, yesterday wasn't Tuesday so we're okay, for now :D. Here is another chapter for you and I'm glad that I managed to write it in time. 
> 
> Honestly, I wanted to end this story with chapter 10, or somewhere around that chapter. However, as you can see yourself, it's probably not going to happen. I don't know why, but I just love writing about these two dorks and the slow development of their relationship. Also, I'm not prepared for the drama coming. Anyway, if you feel that it's too much and I should just move on, don't hesitate and tell me :). Comments and criticisms are welcome. I appreciate your kudos and hits as well :).
> 
> Enjoy!

# Chapter 8

 

"What the hell are you doing here?" Dean greeted Gabriel as they met in the common area. It was funny how the older hunter had always been very surprised to see him spending his precious time in the bunker. No one had to know the other reason for his visits of the brothers. No one! And Castiel could keep staring at him knowingly as he wanted. His little brother couldn't possibly know why Gabriel had stayed close to the Winchesters and wanted to help them on top of that without getting anything in return. Well, Gabriel would gain something from this future - probably quite tense - cooperation against Abaddon, but again, no one had to know anything about the other thing.

Dean marched to his mojo'd leather armchair, stopping right in front of him and hovering over him like a hawk for a while. His hands crossed over his chest, the older hunter glowered at Gabriel as if he wanted to threaten him just with his menacing look. The only thing that it had managed to do was that Gabriel had to restrain himself from laughing out loud over Dean's attempt to look dangerous. Gabriel just gazed up at him with an easy grin, curling his lips upwards as he mojo'd himself a lollipop with a snap of his fingers and then he pushed it into his mouth, his tongue swirling over it, doing so just to spite Dean even more. Dean grimaced in disgust and stomped away, surely to look for his brother or Castiel, demanding answers from them as to why Gabriel was here again.

Gabriel let out a silent laugh, savouring the taste of the lollipop, and waited for Sam to show up and explain Dean what they had talked about just the other day. Sam had never prayed to him, even though Gabriel had assured him it still worked. It had been a couple of days since their little chat and him offering Sam to help them with the demon, and Gabriel had been beginning to think that Sam had changed his mind, even though there wasn't any other option how to deal with Abaddon that he could think of. Well, except accepting the Mark and become one of _them_. Apparently, the hunters didn't know everything about the consequences of giving in to the power of the Mark. They didn't know anything about its history, and if he killed Abaddon without telling them, that was something he could work with. Gabriel didn't even want to think about the fact that there was something even more powerful than his Father himself and that it could get out of its restraints. He shook his head and sucked on his lollipop to distract himself from the bad memories.

As Gabriel was looking blankly at nothing in particular, just relaxing and enjoying his time in the bunker, Sam walked swiftly into the room, but right after his eyes fell onto Gabriel sitting in the armchair, the hunter froze in the middle of the room as if surprised to see him there. Gabriel smiled lightly as he met Sam's eyes.

"Hello, kiddo. What's up with your brother? You didn't tell him I'd been around?" Gabriel asked, a bit curious about Sam's decision not to tell his older brother about his offer to help them. Of course, Gabriel understood that Dean didn't like him much and Sam didn't want to stir up an argument with his older brother, but this was important and it was the only safe way for them to get rid of Abaddon for good. And Sam had to know that Gabriel seriously meant it when he had said he would kill the demon, risking his life in the process again. Another of those idiotic decisions of his, driven by damned feelings towards Sa-. Nope, he wasn't thinking about that, not at all. But at least they wouldn't have to mess with the power they didn't have any control over.

Sam was still looking at him, fidgeting nervously as if he was seeking the right words to announce Gabriel to take his furniture and candy and get out of here. It wouldn't have been either the first nor the last time Gabriel would hear it from Sam's lips. The archangel sighed loudly, averting his gaze so that he wouldn't have to see the rejection directly from Sam's eyes. And honestly, Gabriel wasn't going to force them into this, either. It was their decision, and despite knowing that it was a bad decision and that it could cause much more trouble than they were used to dealing with, it wasn't in his nature to meddle with people's fates. Well, there were some exceptions but whatever, it wasn't the point, right?

"Well, no. I haven't told him." Sam said quietly, as if embarrassed by keeping secrets from his older brother,  "but I don't really care what he thinks. It's not just up to him and I'm pretty sure you helping us is the safer option. If the offer still stands, that is." The hunter said, his shoulders tense, as he tried to look everywhere but at Gabriel, obviously to no avail.

It was strange to see how unsure Sam had been the last two times they had met. And actually, Gabriel didn't blame him, since he himself had felt too nervous in Sam's presence, and annoyed by his feelings towards the hunter. The archangel tried to take it easy. He just wanted the friendship with Sam after all, that would be enough for him, and he was getting used to Dean's glares and complaints too. Even though Gabriel was never going to admit it out loud, he felt lonely and punishing idiots wasn't satisfying enough anymore. Gabriel had tasted what it was like to spend time with someone who knew him and didn't want to kill him on the spot, and after so many years of being alone and hiding his true nature, his grace had welcomed it as if he had always craved it in the first place. That strong the longing had been.

Gabriel didn't even realized that he had held his breath as he had waited to eventually hear Sam's words of acceptance (and he had no need to breathe). The expected rejection from the hunter had never come and Gabriel felt the tension slowly seeping out of his body. It was so strange to react in such a human way, since he had never had problem with suppressing it so that it wouldn't distract him from more important things. It wasn't his real body after all, and yet Gabriel was so used to it that sometimes he would give in to the vessel and just feel like humans. Lately, this had occurred too many times for his liking, especially when near Sam. Those times weren't the best when to lose his control over human emotions.

His grace was still a bit fragile and even though his batteries were fully recharged, his light needed more time to recover, and that was also the reason why, or at least he kept telling himself that, that Gabriel sought a strong presence of another light that wasn't of his brother's - Sam's soul in particular. His grace was stupid enough to reach out for Sam's soul every damn time they met, and it took him quite a lot of willpower to stop himself to let it go and go with it, to hell with the consequences. But Gabriel couldn't do it. The archangel just couldn't convince himself of his worth of Sam's bright soul, and he was also afraid of disappointment and hurt of the rejection afterwards. It was better to spend his time with Sam like this without any more emotional baggage in the way than he already carried on his shoulders. His grace had been acting up and Gabriel hated this instability within himself. Maybe if he could concentrated on something else, getting some action and not just the fun kind, he would snap out of it quickly and move on with his life the same as before. Maybe this was just a strange phase during his recovery. Gabriel nodded slightly in agreement with his inner voice, not realizing that he hadn't answered Sam for too long, hurrying to do so.

"Well, you should tell him. He was pretty pissed off when he saw me here again and stormed off Dad knows where." Gabriel said nonchalantly as if nothing ever phased him with the Winchesters anymore, sucking on the lollipop. Sam sighed loudly and sat in the chair closest to where Gabriel resided with his comfortable armchair, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees and looking at the floor under him as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. Gabriel waited curiously for Sam to tell him what was on his mind, since he could practically feel it radiating from him in waves.

"Dean still doesn't understand the Mark is evil. And as much as I believe in his strength, I don't think he could handle it." Sam said, looking up into Gabriel's eyes, "That's why I accepted your offer to help. Don't think I'm suddenly okay with all the shit you've done to us in the past. I'm still trying to understand what's in it for you. It's the second time you're risking your life for us, and that doesn't go well with the years you've spent in hiding." Sam finished with a serious tone in his voice, not letting his guard down just yet, and Gabriel had to give it to him. Sam was smart and stayed alert even now, which was a good thing for the hunter, no argument there. But Gabriel just wanted to forget what had happened years ago. He wanted to start over again. Why did they always have to keep reminding him of his mistakes from the past? Gabriel sighed and as he was about to fold his palms together, the lollipop disappeared from his fingers.

"Sam, I've already told you. I didn't do it just because I hated you. I just... well, at that time, it was my way of showing you what could happen in the future. And it happened in the end. You gotta see it yourself. I can see that it wasn't the best way how to tell you what was going to happen, but-" Gabriel paused, sighing and rubbing over his face a couple of times in frustration that he was unable to explain himself, "Yeah, you don't wanna hear my excuses anyway. I've learned a lesson myself," he snorted at the paradox, him learning a lesson, "and I've changed, okay? So, give me some slack, at least till we kill Abaddon, then you'll never see me again. I promise." Gabriel said with an angry undertone in his voice, frustrated and exhausted from all that explaining his actions and apologizing over and over again. Gabriel felt the urge to run, just disappear into thin air as usual, go into hiding again. The archangel hated how vulnerable this admission made him, and in front of Sam on top that. Gabriel wanted to stay strong, especially in front of Sam, instead, he had showed him how weak he actually was.

"You know, Gabriel," Sam said suddenly, tearing Gabriel out of his inner struggle, "I had time to think through everything we've been through and what you've told me. Strangely enough, somehow, I get it. Guess I understand why you did it and I think, in the end, you did the right thing. And in some way, it's good you wanna help us, but my trust, or my brother's, can't be given. You gotta deserve it first." Sam said firmly and he truly meant it. Gabriel could see the determination and firmness in his eyes. And how the hell was he going to do that?

"But I guess, you're on the right track right now." Sam added with a small smile. After a while of looking into each other's eyes, the hunter stood up and as he stretched himself, he moaned loudly. Gabriel's eyes immediately slid down onto a strip of skin slipping into his view right about Sam's waistband. _Holy Mother of Jesus, why_ _is Sam's body so hot. And those noises he was making..._ He thought to himself and tried to drag his eyes up again so that he wouldn't scare Sam of by staring. _Too late._ Gabriel groaned internally as he noticed Sam looking down at him and he surely saw the archangel ogle him earlier. The hunter smiled at him knowingly with just a slight curl of his kissable lips, his eyes full of mirth. It seemed Sam was enjoying the attention from him, and then he just walked away, leaving Gabriel stunned into motionlessness.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Here is another chapter for you. Hope you like it. This chapter wasn't read by my personal expert on Sam's character, so I hope he's not too ooc in here. I'm always glad for her comments on Sam. If you have any suggestions or ideas, don't hesitate to tell me :). I'm always interested in knowing your opinion. 
> 
> And thank you for all the hits and kudos. I appreciate it as well :).

# Chapter 9

 

The silence spread around the bunker. Sam was sitting on his bed, leaning against the headboard and reading a book he had taken once from the library. He was so used to reading before going to sleep that he couldn't imagine an evening without a book in his hands. It was something Sam was familiar with and it helped him relax and think. After a few minutes of staring into nothing, however, he decided to lay down and try to fall asleep. His eyes were closing on their own from exhaustion so he put the bookmark between the pages and closed the book. The hunter rubbed his eyes, willing them into cooperation at least for a bit longer before he would settle his mind enough to actually be capable of sleeping. Sam was still replaying the last conversation with Gabriel and then also remembered the hopeful look in the archangel's eyes. It was too familiar for his tastes. He shook his head to get rid of these too deep thoughts and feelings, sighing silently as he took the book from his lap and put it on the night table. The lamp on the table illuminated half of his room, creating shadows of furniture on the walls. Sam wasn't afraid of the dark anymore. He could fight it. They could fight it. And with this last thought of determination on his mind, he buried into the blankets, reaching out to turn off the light, and fell asleep immediately upon closing his eyes.

***

"What did you just say?" Dean blurted out incredulously, staring at Sam across the table as he stood up to tower over him for once, crossing his arms over his chest. Sam knew this wouldn't go well with Dean since he had always showed his displeasure over Gabriel staying with them in the bunker. His brother had been suspicious at first and he had had a right to be. They both knew what Gabriel was capable of after all, and Dean wasn't one of those people who would forget fast and easily about the shit the archangel had put them through. One thing was his brother ignoring the prankster, the other was trusting him enough not to be on guard around him. That was also the main reason why Sam hadn't told him about the offer right away because he knew Dean well enough to expect his reactions.

Dean was still staring at him in disbelief and surely waiting for him to say that it was just a bad joke. Sam hadn't said anything to him for a few minutes and refused to look him in the eye. Well, he really hoped that his brother would understand and get over it eventually, but apparently, it was just wishful thinking.

"You're not kidding, aren't you?!" Dean exclaimed, throwing his hands up into the air in frustration, and there was anger in that tone somewhere, Sam was sure about that too. "You're telling me that little asshole will help us, just like that? Without getting anything out of it?! And you believe him?! Seriously, Sam, I thought you're the one with the brain here." Dean groaned in despair over his little brother's putting his trust into the Trickster's words, and Sam got it, he really did. But, but... oh well, he couldn't say that this _felt_ different and that his brother should have seen Gabriel's face when he had offered his help - that look and the smile that hadn't got anywhere near his eyes, expecting the worst - because Dean would probably punch him square in the face for that.

"Dean,-" Sam started but was interrupted by the flutter of wings.

"Dean-o! Didn't know you _love_ me so much I can hear you grumbling even from upstairs." Gabriel said with a smirk, the emphasis on the word 'love' indicating it was just a sarcastic remark to fuel Dean's anger even more. Sam really didn't understand why he had always had an urge to piss off his brother more than he already was. What was the point? Antagonizing Dean wasn't the best way how to convince them both about his good intentions.

"Gabriel, don't." Sam tried to stop the argument, or more like stop Dean getting into a fit, but it was too late. He knew his brother, and the archangel well enough, to actually expect them to shut up and move onto the plan.

"Shut your mouth, Gabriel!" Dean growled at the archangel, pointing at him with his forefinger warningly, not even caring that he just told a powerful being - who could keep them stashed in the TV land forever just for kicks and giggles - to shut up, and then he turned towards Sam and focused his ominous glare at him, "And you. Why the fuck d'you even talk to this guy! Remember what he did to us? Did to you?!" Dean asked seriously, wanting answers. Sam was a bit shocked by Dean's too exaggerated reaction and he was thinking for a bit there if he had made a good decision to tell his brother about it. But Sam couldn't lie to Dean anymore. Their lives had been built upon one big lie, surrounded with more lies and more half-truths on top of those. And maybe it was a good thing to talk this out before they would do something stupid and irreversible. From the corner of his eye, Sam could see Gabriel lounging around in his armchair again, popcorn on his lap and a lollipop in his mouth, smirking at the scene in front of him. _What a little shit_. Sam thought.

"Dean, calm down." Sam placated, "let me explain and I'm sure you'll end up agreeing on this with me. Just, sit and we talk about it." He reasoned pleadingly, looking at Dean with his best puppy-dog eyes he knew had always worked on almost everyone.

"Stop looking at me with those damn eyes. I hate it when you do that." Dean grumbled but sat back into his chair, which Sam took as a small win. For a few moments, there was such deep silence that the only sounds they could hear where loud crunches of Gabriel eating his popcorn and now there were also noises of slurping. Sam frowned as he turned around to look at the archangel drinking something chocolaty, and upon seeing him sprawled over the armchair so comfortable and relaxed, curling his lips into a small smile that reached even his whiskey-brown eyes, he couldn't help himself and smiled back. Which didn't go unnoticed as he heard a snort - and not a kind one - from the direction of his brother.

"Oh, now I get it." Dean said, shaking his head, running his fingers through his short hair, and it sounded close to disbelief, almost an accusation, but wh-. "Seriously, the Trickster of all people?!" Dean looked up at Sam searchingly. The younger hunter frowned because apparently, they were having two completely different conversations right now. His thoughts were cut off by his brother's next words.

"Sam, I really thought you'd got over it years ago. This is seriously messed up and you should think about what you're doing. I'm heading out for a drink. Don't wait for me." Dean uttered and as he stood up to take his jacket and car keys. Sam was too stunned to stop him, so he was sitting completely frozen, thinking over their conversation and what had been said. What could have possibly gone wrong in those few seconds they had been sitting at the table.

"What the hell?" Sam exclaimed in confusion with a frown between his eyebrows, waiting for some explanation, though Dean had already been gone out of the door of the bunker. The hunter then turned to Gabriel, who was still enjoying comfort of his armchair, but staying unusually quiet. Apparently, they both had no idea what the hell had just happened and they looked at each other like two fish.

"Okay, that didn't go well." Gabriel finally said after a few minutes of staring at each other. "Is Dean alright on his head? I mean, I'm not judging, but... that was... I don't even know what that was, and that notion itself is pretty new to me." The archangel tried to lighten the mood after the fiasco with Dean, but in reality, it wasn't helping Sam one bit. The hunter was confused, although that would be quite an understatement. What the fuck had gone wrong, he had no idea. Of course, one thought had rushed onto his mind. Had Gabriel done something to provoke Dean? It was, after all, quite typical behaviour for the archangel as he liked to prank others, especially his older brother. But it was a fleeting thought, gone as quickly as it had come. Gabriel wouldn't have tried anything stupid after they had finally established some unsaid rules between each other. Right? Right?! And it would have been incredibly idiotic from him to act like that right after the chat they had had the other day. Sam had a feeling that Dean had reacted to something else, but what it was? He still had no idea.

"So... I guess I'm gonna try and talk to him tomorrow." Sam sighed heavily as he pressed his palms against each other. "But the plan hasn't changed." Sam said firmly, looking at Gabriel with determination. He was prepared to go against his brother if necessary. He wondered why they were even waiting for his approval. It wasn't like they needed it. Dean knew what the plan was and that was enough, right? And Sam could bet that Gabriel didn't need much help from them. Abaddon was a powerful demon, one of the strongest, but Gabriel was an archangel. There weren't many things that could hurt him.

"You do that," Gabriel said and quickly added, "and don't even think about it, kiddo. I'm not doing anything behind Dean's back."

"What?" Sam asked in bewilderment.

"Don't forget I know you." Gabriel winked at Sam teasingly. "I've watched you and your bro for a long time." The archangel smirked, sucking on his lollipop as if there was no tomorrow, bordering on a pornographic scene. Sam grimaced upon hearing the lewd noises Gabriel was making.

"Creepy. And stop making those weird noises. It's like-" Sam paused abruptly, stopping himself before he would say something stupid.

"It's like what, Sammyboy?" Gabriel smirked at him, deliberately showing off his skills with his tongue. What?! Was he flirting with him? Sam frowned in annoyance, which earned him a laugh from the archangel. And it was such a genuine laugh that it surprised him into silence.

"You know, it's so easy to mess with you. I could stop but... do you want me to, hmm?" Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows playfully as he mojo'd himself another lollipop. Sam was so done with the archangel that he decided to play along. There was a silence for a while as he was thinking of a comeback.

"Gabriel?" Sam said after a moment, catching Gabriel's attention and trying for the best flirtatious gaze he could master - and he knew that he could do that if he tried enough. The hunter deliberately leaned closer to the archangel, which earned him a surprised look on the other man's face.

"Yes?" Gabriel whispered, too deep in a staring contest with Sam to realize what was going on. _Good._ Sam thought and was slowly reaching out for the lollipop Gabriel held in his fingers. Then he took it, still looking into the archangel's eyes, and slid it into his mouth, closing his eyes. After a couple of seconds of moaning and tasting the strawberry flavour of the lollipop with exaggerated swirls of his tongue, he opened his eyes again. Seeing the other man gaping at him in shock, his arises dilated. Sam smirked as he took the lollipop out of his mouth and put it back into Gabriel's fingers, which were still in the same position as before.

"Surprisingly good." Sam said nonchalantly, unaffected by his display. After a while of watching Gabriel staring at him in astonishment and - if that tent in his pants indicated right - slight participation of more, the hunter slowly got to his feet and walked away. Before Sam would disappear around the corner, he called over his shoulder, "See you later, Gabriel."

Was that a groan he heard from the other room? Sam laughed out loud. _Serve you right._ He thought, too amused to care what the archangel thought about him right now. Two could play that game.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> It's Tuesday and that means one thing - an update! As always, I hope you'll like it. Although, there is angst and a little bit of bad language in this chapter. Just so you know what to expect. Please, don't hate me for this. It will get better. Promise.
> 
> Anyway, if you have any suggestions or comments, don't hesitate and send them my way! We might not agree on some things, but I'm always happy to read someone else's opinion on the characters and the story. Let me know what you think! I appreciate your kudos and hits, as well. Don't think otherwise :).
> 
> Just a heads-up. I'll be quite busy the next week. On Tuesday I'm going to Prague to visit my friend and on Wednesday, we're going to a concert to Berlin with a bunch of other friends. Jason Manns and Rob Benedict will be there, so you can imagine how excited I am. I won't be home until Friday. But don't worry! I've already written one more chapter for the next week, so you can relax. Hopefully, the story will move on soon to the dramatic bits. I seriously thought that I would end the story by chapter 10 :D. Well, what can I do? The story just doesn't want to end yet.
> 
> Enjoy!

# Chapter 10

 

Hearing Sam's footsteps in the distance, Gabriel was again stunned into silence. His body didn't twitch even an inch, his brain was stuck on the last moments of his conversation with Sam. Or had it even been a conversation? Because if he could remember right, he hadn't said a word to Sam. Gabriel didn't understand what the hell had just happened between them. One second he had been teasing Sam as he would always do, and then, all of a sudden, the hunter had taken his lollipop from his fingers and tasted its flavour, moaning lewdly, and it had been so unexpected that his mouth had apparently fell open a little bit in shock, and now he felt the warmth and arousal spreading through his body. And all of it just from Sam's little display. Gabriel couldn't wrap his head around it. Since when had Sam flirted back? Had it been a payback for his own teasing and remarks?

Gabriel shook his head to clear his mind of thoughts of Sam's lips around something completely different. He sighed heavily and sank back into the armchair again, willing his body to calm down, as he threw his legs over the left armrest. Staring blankly at nothing in particular, the archangel unconsciously put the lollipop, that had been in Sam's mouth just moments ago, into his mouth, tasting the strawberry flavour with slow swirls of his tongue. It was after a few minutes when Gabriel paused, just realizing what he had been doing the whole time, and groaned loudly. He was tasting not just the strawberries, but also something else. Someone else.

"Fuck." Gabriel muttered to himself, snapping the candy away. Not that he wasn't enjoying himself, but sometimes it wasn't that bad to leave some things (someone) out of his life, for instance the taste of Sam. Because, one thing was imagining it, the other was to live it and know what it was like.

He sighed again and was about to leave the bunker, going for a search of something more engaging than the hormones of his body right now, but he was interrupted by Dean's curses and loud shuffling coming from behind the main door. _That could be fun_. Gabriel mused, curling his lips into a mischievous smirk. Gabriel quickly dimmed the lights in the common room with a thought so that Dean wouldn't see him right after stepping inside the bunker. And when he heard the older hunter grumbling over his inability to open the door, he could say that the man was a little drunk, which was usually his way of dealing with things - or more like burying them beneath a layer of alcohol. Typical. The thing was that sometimes Gabriel envied humans this possibility to forget, even if it was just for a while and with some side effects. Sure, he wasn't so eager to experience hangovers and nausea after drinking too much, but he would gladly take a chance to forget some bits and pieces from his life.

Gabriel was sitting idly in his armchair, still sprawled over it, this time with a snickers bar in one hand, the other one laid on the right armrest, drumming his fingers against it. As he waited for the right moment to greet Dean, Gabriel watched the hunter descend the stairs, heading to the kitchen, going by the heavy wooden table in the room. Dean couldn't know that he was still there and the archangel made sure he couldn't see much, especially not him. But the second Dean passed the table, Gabriel couldn't resist anymore.

"Hey, chucklehead." Gabriel greeted enthusiastically with a smirk on his face, seeing Dean widen his eyes and turning around quickly to face him.

"Jesus Christ!" Dean exclaimed as his one hand reached for the weapon behind his belt, and the other pressed flatly onto his chest, willing his heartbeat to slow down.

"Not quite," Gabriel rolled his eyes, "but Jee was a good guy, and his mom...hmm... hot as hell. Trust me. I would know." Winking at Dean, the archangel bit into the bar and was enjoying the taste of chocolate and caramel, and of course, the startled expression on Dean's face. _Priceless_.

"Cut the crap. What the fuck are you still doing here?" Dean shouted angrily, his shoulders tense but broad, emanating dangerous vibes into the air, his hand still behind his back.

"Whoah, Dean-o, you stink. Where have you been?" Gabriel asked curiously. Dean smelled like he had had a roll in a dumpster somewhere.

"None of your business, Trickster." Gabriel flinched a bit at the name he wanted to bury very deep down into his past, but recovered quickly. "And I'm asking you again. What. Are. You. Still. Doing here?" Dean asked, punctuating every word of the question, fury seeping out of his body.

"I would say Sam's already told you." Gabriel said nonchalantly as if Dean's outburst had no effect on him whatsoever. Though there was a part of him that wasn't too pleased by the behaviour towards him. Gabriel was an archangel after all and he didn't take insults and retorts lightly. The problem was that if he killed Dean, Cas would go ballistic and Sam would never talk to him again. It was, after all, his killing Dean over and over again that Sam held against him. And Gabriel had already apologized for it who knew how many times. No, he couldn't do it even though it would solve the problem of an idiot shouting at him.

"I call bullshit. Tell me what's your deal, hmm? Did Sam promise you something? Himself, for instance?" Dean said as he stepped closer to the archangel, clenching his fingers into fists so hard that his knuckles whitened. But before Gabriel could think about what the hunter had said, a frown appearing between his eyebrows in confusion, Dean continued with his tirade.

"Whatever the deal was between you two, I don't want it. Break it. We don't _need_ your _help_." Dean pointed at him with his forefinger wildly and then he crossed his arms over his chest, keeping his distance but trying to look threatening at the same time.

"I know your kind, you know. I don't really give a fuck about you being an archangel, or you helping us once with Lucifer. You know what I think? I think you just wanted to save your little bunch of freaks and your own ass before the winged assholes would destroy your little freak show." Gabriel sucked in a breath - that he didn't even need - at Dean's accusation and felt a very uncomfortable twist inside his body, somewhere around the heart where his grace resided. It was painful in a way that his grace couldn't hold itself within anymore and manifested its power through his eyes, but Gabriel tried to suppress it, grinding his teeth against each other in an attempt to stop it, though he could feel the light reaching his eyes at the mention of the word "freak". This was exactly the reason why he didn't want to invest into relationships he couldn't have, especially with those who knew him. This _weakness_. Oh, Gabriel had heard many insults thrown at him and he had never had a problem to just go with it and forget them later. Words couldn't hurt him when people didn't know who he was. They were just the means of communication and nothing else. But this was different. Dean very well knew what to say and how to say it to get some reaction out of him. Gabriel didn't want to acknowledge the ache that rushed through him, but it was there. No matter what he would do from now on, he felt as vulnerable as that time when the thought of leaving Heaven had occupied his mind. Gabriel's grace was hurting and he felt this urge to just run away and drown himself into his earlier activities and life as a trickster.

"Where were you when we needed your help with Leviathans? Cas needed you? Hmm?" Dean continued spitting the words like venom. Why the fuck did Gabriel think that it was a good idea to go and stay with the Winchesters. He would never gain their trust as Cas had. Gabriel snorted silently at the notion of being accepted like his little brother, knowing deep down that it wasn't actually possible in his case anymore.

"I don't know what you did with Sam, and I don't really care Cas is your brother. For me, you just another monster to kill sooner or later. Get it? I'm not afraid of you and if I were you, I'd never come back here again." Oh, the words Dean could say, completely paralyzing him with them, digging deep into his grace and hurting the places Gabriel had buried centuries ago, built a wall around them. The wall that was crumbling under the weight of Dean's hatred towards him. Gabriel really had to go because his grace was crying for release and he couldn't do it here. Definitely not here. It would destroy everything, it would kill everyone here, even Sam.

_Sam_. Gabriel opened his eyes that he didn't notice closing in the first place, realizing how strung up he was being right now.

"Back off of our lives. Fuck! Wasn't it enough? What you did? Sam might have forgotten already, but I'm not that easily swayed." Gabriel didn't want to hurt Sam. He liked him. Why would he do that? And he had apologized and Sam had forgotten him. They weren't friends yet but he thought there was a chance.

"Seriously, what's the point being here? If you think you helped us once and now we're buddies? Well, forget it." Dean exhaled heavily, running his palm over his face. "Leave Sam out of your crappy games. He's been through enough shit for you messing with his head again. Just, leave him be." Dean finished, not caring what he did to Gabriel, not caring what the archangel was feeling. He just walked out of the room quickly, leaving Gabriel alone with his destructive thoughts.

Oh, the urge of punishing someone, hurting them so that he would forget he was hurting. To just direct his energy and pain into something different before his grace would decide to burst out from his vessel right in this second. But Sam's words replayed in his brain, persuading him to stop doing shit, because he could do better. Could he? It was a mess in his mind and he didn't know what to think anymore. What should he do? What was right?

Gabriel disappeared from the bunker, not bothering with a snap of his fingers as usual. He flew far, far away from the civilization, landing somewhere in the middle of a desert, looking up on the sky and letting go, stopping to try to hold his grace inside. The beam of light, gold and blinding, surged out from his vessel into the air and then blew out like a bomb, creating a blast of energetic wave, destroying everything within a ten-mile radius of him.

It lasted just a few seconds and then his vessel collapsed onto the ground. His grace calm and settled again inside, Gabriel felt much better, even better than he would have after playing with some idiots' feelings. He should probably go before someone realized what had happened here and tried to take advantage of his vulnerable state. Maybe he should hide for a few days in one of his secret places and strengthen his grace, which was still too weak and difficult to control. Another weakness.

Gabriel looked around himself and sighed in annoyance. "Perfect." He said in exasperation upon seeing the consequences of his instability. This wasn't what he had imagined when coming back and wanting to help the Winchesters. Gabriel stood up slowly and disappeared with a familiar snap of his fingers.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> Here is another chapter. It's something like a present on Valentine's day for you all :). I hope you'll like it. Let me know what you think, I appreciate your opinion and comments. 
> 
> Also, thank you for your kudos and hits! You should know that all of this is very encouraging for me.
> 
> Enjoy!

# Chapter 11

 

They were on the way home from a successful and quite easy hunt of a vengeful spirit wreaking havoc in a small town a day from Lawrence. Sam felt exhausted but it was a pleasant feeling, because his muscles ached just from enough exercise during the job. No deep wounds, no broken limbs, no blood on their clothes. Just dirt from grave digging, nothing out of the ordinary. Sam snorted quietly. Well, it was normal for them. The hunt had been a quick and simple salt and burn, which had shocked them both a little afterwards, since the brothers were used to more dangerous shit than that. Though they shouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth, right? It seemed almost like a miracle these days.

Just an hour or so and they would arrive in the bunker and Sam couldn't wait to hop into the shower with hot water washing the grime and dirt off of his body. Just this image brought a smile into his face.

"What's so funny?" Dean asked, noticing Sam grinning like an idiot, as the younger hunter opened his eyes he didn't know that he had closed earlier. He chanced a glance at his brother and saw how tired he was, bags under his eyes, still driving them home just like he had always done.

"Nothing. Just can't wait to sleep in my clean bed, you know." Sam replied contentedly, averting his eyes at the side window, watching the scenery passing by.

"You're getting old, or what?" Dean snorted, amused at Sam's whining about his own bed. Sam laughed at his brother's remark and punched him lightly in the arm.

"Who's always complaining about his old bones, hmm?" Sam said back teasingly.

"Bitch." Dean uttered.

"Jerk." Sam returned.

It was good. It felt good. Sam just couldn't get rid of a feeling that something bad was coming their way. That this happy moment would be twisted and ruined eventually. This was their life, just waiting for another shoe to drop. Sam was sick of it, sick of this fear of another shit happening sooner or later. Sometimes he thought about the life he could have had without all this Supernatural crap in the world, and he envied those people who had no clue about it. Dammit, Sam didn't want to spoil this good moment by thinking about those things. Nope. Not today, anyway.

***

"Have you seen Gabriel lately?" Sam asked as he walked into the kitchen in the morning, about to make some coffee for himself. Dean was sitting at the table, reading newspapers, surely looking for another case. His brother had found the last one and it had been quite refreshing. Usually Sam was the one who spent time searching for something to do, to distract them from the bigger picture, but this last case had been a welcomed change.

"No. Why should I?" Dean asked uncaringly, still reading the newspapers and sipping coffee from his mug from time to time. It seemed that his brother wasn't bothered by Gabriel's absence, even though the archangel had been willing to help them so actively just a couple of weeks ago. Sam frowned a little at his brother's attitude. It was about him as well, after all. Gabriel killing Abaddon was the safer way how to get rid of the demon. They had talked about Sam's plan and Dean eventually backed off and agreed with it. Though it was strange that he hadn't even argued about it. Not much anyway. Sam was getting suspicious about Dean's behaviour these past two weeks - too calm for his liking. And it was quite weird that Gabriel hadn't appeared the whole time even once. What the hell had happened? Sam made his coffee and went to sit at the table opposite his brother. Dean didn't even twitch.

"What about Cas? Still on Heaven business?" Sam asked cautiously, trying to get at least some information about the angels. Finally, Dean looked up at him, leaving the newspapers on the table but still holding the pages between his fingers.

"Nope. Nothing." Dean said without any emotion and that was also quite strange. Sam knew that there was a very good, devoted friendship between those two even though they couldn't see it themselves, and Dean had always reacted badly at Cas' long absences. Not that he didn't trust him. It was more like fear of losing him again. After what had happened to Cas within these past couple of years, Sam understood Dean's worries over the angel. He was his friend too. It was the constant fighting among the angels and Cas filling the role of a martyr and trying to rebuild Heaven on his own that they dreaded. They really didn't want to experience the Leviathans situation again.

"That's weird. Don't you think? Okay, I get Cas but Gabriel? That brat wouldn't pass up an opportunity to annoy the shit out of us." Sam snorted jokingly. Dean just grunted something under his nose which sounded a lot like "Yeah." but didn't comment on it further. Sam's brow furrowed as he thought about the deal between Gabriel and him. Then he realized, what if he had overdone it the last time with the flirting? _Bullshit_. He thought to himself, relaxing again and drinking some more coffee. It wasn't like Gabriel was a blushing virgin. Besides, the archangel liked flirting with people, even enjoyed it. That couldn't be it, right? There was silence for a little while when Sam heard a flutter of wings. _Gabriel_! His eyes lightened up like a Christmas tree. The anticipation surprised him. Why had he expected him? His pulse elevated and his heart was beating like crazy all of a sudden.

"Dean. Sam." Cas' gravelly voice brought him back out of his haze of weird emotions and feelings. Was that a disappointment?

"Have you seen this?" The angel asked right away, not waiting for a response from them, as he put a page of some newspapers on the table. Both Sam and Dean leaned over it to read what it was about. The article was about a phenomenon having occurred in the middle of the Sahara desert. The photos showed a huge area of blackened sand and it looked like a meteor had landed there, but not quite. There was no crater upon impact. The witnesses said that they had seen a bright beam of light surging up into the sky from the area and then a deafening noise, followed by roaring thunders.

"Where is Gabriel?" Cas asked before Sam could finish reading the whole article, and it startled him. Cas didn't know where his brother was?

"No?" Sam said the word more like a question than the answer it should have been. Dean didn't even bother to read the article till the end, but Sam could notice that some of the features in his face were too strained for such an innocent question, as if he had been hiding something. The younger hunter would ask later what was going on with his brother.

"It's just a meteor or something. Nothing to worry about. Besides, it's in Egypt. That's not our business." Dean deadpanned as he stood up and was about to leave, but Cas stopped him, holding him firmly by his forearm. Sam watched the whole scene with slight apprehension. He really didn't want to hear his brother fight with the angel. Sometimes they bickered like an old married couple.

"Let go." Dean growled at Cas, throwing daggers at the angel just with his eyes, and at this, Sam's eyebrows almost touched his hairline in surprise. What the hell?

"Sit down." Cas said firmly. Cas and Dean were glaring at each other for a few seconds, that seemed more like hours, the tension was suffocating, and then Dean sighed loudly and sat back into his chair, annoyed at this whole situation.

"Alright. Get on with it. I've got better things to do." Dean muttered angrily. Cas sat into the other chair and laid his hands on the table.

"Dude. Bad morning or what?" Sam asked Dean as he gave him one of his famous bitchfaces, not getting his bad mood at all. Dean just scowled at him and stayed silent.

 "This is not a natural phenomenon." Cas paused as if thinking over his next words. "The only thing that contains so much power and is capable of such a massive destruction of surrounding area is an unstable grace of an angel. And not any angel." The angel stopped and waited for the brothers to realize what he was talking about. _What?_

"What are you saying, Cas?" Sam said in disbelief. Could it be... But no. Why would he...?

"I am saying that there is only one angel's grace right now that is capable of it. Why do you think that I inquired Gabriel's whereabouts?" Cas asked exasperated at the brothers' incomprehension, and exhausted over the situation at the same time. Sam couldn't believe it. What the fuck was Gabriel doing?

"So you're saying that Gabriel's grace can do _that_?" Dean pointed at the photo in the newspapers' article. "I knew he's bad news. Seriously, Sam, and you wanted to be buddies with him?! Look at that! Fuck. I can't do this." Dean groaned in frustration as he ran his fingers through his short hair several times over. "Cas, please, tell me, this isn't normal. I can't deal with more shit right now." Dean looked at the angel tiredly and Sam could see suppressed anger within him as well, surely because of Sam's decision to work together with Gabriel and trusting him, trusting someone who could do such a thing. But Sam still couldn't understand why Gabriel would have done it? And it wasn't like he had destroyed half of a city. It looked like he had deliberately appeared in the middle of nowhere to- what? Let it go or whatever?

"When the grace of an angel is too unstable, too... emotional, you would say... and overflowing with accumulated power that they cannot control, this is the way how to solve the problem. Of course, angels had not walked the Earth for some time and I do not remember many such occurrences. It is a problem of angels who reside in human vessels. There are a few possibilities how to overcome it. One of them is this." Cas finished, laying his palms flatly on the page of the newspapers. There was something in those blue eyes, something Sam recognized as worry. Sam was confused. Gabriel hadn't told him anything about this problem. Well, okay, who would. It was a weakness after all, wasn't it? It sounded like it at least. Like an illness or something similar.

"Okay. So should we expect more of those in the near future?" Dean asked, one brow raised in question, as he looked at Cas.

"I don't think so. But we need to find him. Sam?" Cas turned to face Sam and he couldn't look away from those eyes. Seriously, who had taught Cas that?!

"Yeah?" Sam replied weakly.

"I know you've talked to Gabriel a few times. I know about the plan," Sam's mouth opened a bit involuntarily in surprise. "You could call him." Cas said calmly.

"What?!" Dean sputtered in shock. "What the fuck is he talking about, Sam?" Dean asked angrily.

"The prayer, Dean. You have done it yourself." Cas clarified for Dean, the tone of his voice suggested his annoyance at Dean being particularly dense. But Sam had already figured out what the angel had meant. Gabriel had once told him he could call him by a prayer to him. That it still worked. Well, he would be quite surprised if it would really work, but he wasn't going to try it in front of Dean and his angel. No way.

"Okay, I can try. I'm going to my room." Sam muttered quietly as he stood up and walked out of the kitchen, heading to his room. He could hear Dean's hushed complaints and cursing behind his back and Cas' firm voice, but Sam didn't care what they were arguing about. Gabriel wouldn't have done it if he hadn't had a reason for it. There must have been something what had caused this. Cas had said something about an emotional and unstable grace. Gabriel had seemed alright to him the last time Sam had seen him. Playful and just...him. Something must have happened after that. Well, this was an opportunity to find out.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> It's Tuesday and I'm back with a new chapter. It's a bit longer than usual because I just couldn't leave the first scene out of the story :D. The story is marked mature after all, so there should be at least something, right? Even though usually it's not too graphic or anything :).
> 
> As I see the story now, I'll have finished this by chapter 20. No promises from me though, because sometimes the story gets out of my control and doesn't want to end (like the last one). So, yeah. But I'm getting to the main point of the story. The so-called drama. But if you've read my last story, you know that the drama isn't going to be huge or anything (at least in comparison to other stories I've read, trust me). But you might be pleasantly surprised afterwards :). Who knows, right? ;)
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. As always, I appreciate hits, kudos, comments, even suggestions. Just let me know what you think :). It's really encouraging.

# Chapter 12

 

Obscene noises and sounds were echoing around the room. Lewd slaps of skin on skin were coming from the TV hanging on the opposite wall, on the other side there was a luxurious king size bed with red, silk sheets and a blanket and at least six small pillows. The whole room could be described as one of those dreamy places from ads magazines meant for newly-wed couples and their honeymoon nights. Gabriel couldn't resist and had made this one just for himself to spend his free time of whatever he wanted to do - eating, watching bad horror movies or porn, having sex, and eating again. It was one of the hiding places Gabriel had fabricated in this world so that he could catch a breath and relax.

Gabriel was laid on the bed just in red shorts and nothing else, enjoying the rich flavour of ice-cream he had snapped into existence just a few minutes ago. While watching one of his favourite episodes of Casa Erotica, he could feel a young man's fingertips grazing the skin of his vessels' chest and stomach, giving him goose bumps upon his touches, and leading to the lower area where the archangel wanted him to. The nerve-endings of his body barely reacted to the man's caresses though. Kissing Gabriel all over his body, the man took a special interest in every sensitive spot he could find, but the archangel was still watching the TV calmly while eating the chocolate ice-cream, slowly but surely getting tired of it all. Feeling annoyed and bored by the programme on TV, Gabriel's eyes landed on the mop of longish, brown hair currently hovering over his crotch, the man's fingers sliding under the waistband of his shorts, being about to take them off completely, so that he could continue with his ministrations. Gabriel didn't feel particularly interested in the other man crawling over him like a paid prostitute. The man's touches didn't make him moan or want more as usual, even though he knew exactly what Gabriel wanted or needed. The problem was that he wasn't the one whom the archangel wanted and needed, and he felt almost disgusted by the man and his actions. Neither his mind nor his body was in the mood and it was for the first time Gabriel's projections hadn't been enough for a quick play.

With a snap of his fingers, the projection of a man disappeared like a morning mist and Gabriel was left alone with only melting ice-cream in his hands. It was maddening. He felt this itch under his skin he hadn't been able to get rid of for weeks. Why weren't his projections enough anymore?

_Because they're not real, you dumbass._ Gabriel's inner voice commented helpfully and he groaned loudly upon the realization.

He was so screwed - unfortunately, not literally - and even chocolate ice-cream wouldn't please him anymore. What the hell was going on with him? This wasn't normal and he didn't know what to do with himself. Everything around him was falling into pieces. His grace had been acting up lately, driving him crazy and exploding at times - literally. Luckily, that had happened just once and it hadn't been that bad, at least not as bad as he had expected. Even though Gabriel knew about this and he had heard a couple of stories about angels going all atomic bomb in their vessels, he hadn't actually anticipated his grace entering the records. And now, because, apparently, it wasn't enough, his vessel didn't react to stimuli as he would want to, and it scared him even more. It felt as he was losing control over the body as well. Everything was crumbling under his fingers and Gabriel didn't know how to stop it. And because now he was the only archangel in this world - except Luci in the Cage, but he didn't count - Gabriel couldn't just go and ask someone to help him overcome this instability within himself. Not that there was some kind of guidelines for angels in case this had ever happened. His Father wasn't exactly into teaching anyone anything, especially how to live their lives outside Heaven. Although Gabriel was neither completely powerless nor without any experience - living in a human body for centuries and all that jazz, this was still too uncomfortable for him and it had made him weak and vulnerable. The archangel just hoped that no one knew about that, since he wasn't particularly interested in his brothers bothering him with promises of leadership in Heaven and other beings lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to take him down.

Gabriel growled angrily, the sound echoed against the bare walls of the room, mixing up with the loud noises from the TV. This unexplainable state of his mind bothered him. All of that accumulated energy within himself made him agitated and he didn't know where to direct the excessive amount of power he still couldn't quite control. And he really didn't want a repeat of the events from two weeks ago. Nothing worked, and Gabriel couldn't really find another way to shake off this tension within himself. The energy of his grace was forcing itself out of its confinements, and Gabriel still hadn't found any other thing to completely focus on. His light was searching for some goal and the archangel felt that instead of him controlling it, it controlled him. The Trickster inside of him would always remind him one way, one of the possibilities, but then Gabriel would remember Sam and his words that he should let go of his old ways and move on, simply return back to his original role on Earth. One part of himself, the angel within himself, wanted to keep the promise he had given, but the other one, the stronger part of himself, that persona, who had saved him from pain and sorrow, would try and push him back, urging him to snap and just pass his hurt onto someone else, and by doing so incite the control over at least someone. This uncertainty was weakening him even more as he had fought with himself.

Gabriel knew well that the Trickster had always been stronger and fiercer, and he was winning the battle over his mind. But before that could happen, Gabriel could hear a silent whispering with his angelic hearing, and after a few minutes of listening to it, he realized that it was a prayer, a prayer to him. But who would...? The archangel didn't manage to finish the thought as he felt light shivers spreading through his body up to his heart, eliciting a wild response of his grace. It was so strong that Gabriel couldn't move even a bit, experiencing such a feeling for the first time in his long life.

"Gabriel..." the archangel heard Sam praying, he felt it everywhere within himself, not just inside the vessel, it was surrounding his whole being. After a while, that could have been minutes, but it felt more like hours, Gabriel had got out of his trance, shaking his head to clear his mind quickly. He had to answer. He had promised.

***

"Hello, kiddo. What's up?" Gabriel exclaimed, landing on Sam's bed with a thump, right next to the hunter, settling on it with his shoulders and back propped against the headboard while his legs were crossed at the ankles, and conjuring himself a lollipop to indulge his sweet tooth.

"Jesus Christ!" Sam squeaked embarrassingly, startled by the archangel's sudden presence. Turning around to face him, the hunter scowled, "Gabriel, was that really necessary?" Sam asked, annoyed.

"Aww, Sammich, you know me. I couldn't resist seeing your pouty face. Also, as I already said to your brother... not Jesus, but you were close." Gabriel smirked mischievously, enjoying Sam's familiar bitchface. The hunter rolled his eyes and relaxed again, the tension leaving his shoulders. There was a silence for a few minutes, both of them waiting for the other to start a conversation, deliberately not meeting each other's eyes.

"So, why did you call me?" Gabriel asked curiously, popping the lollipop into his mouth. Sam frowned, thinking while looking at the archangel. He opened his mouth several times but closed it again afterwards. Gabriel waited for him to say what was on his mind but he had never been famous for his patience. More like the opposite.

"What? You've lost the ability to talk? Get on with it, Samsquatch. I'm busy." Gabriel whined, losing his patience quite quickly. Truth be told, he dreaded the conversation between them because he could see there was something truly painful in those hazel eyes of Sam's, and Gabriel didn't know why. He really hated not knowing.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you ditch and didn't ask for help?" Sam asked and there was a genuine concern in the tone of his voice and compassion in his eyes. At that moment, Gabriel realized that Sam somehow knew. And if he were honest with himself, it wasn't actually surprising. Castiel and other angels had surely detected the blast of power in the middle of nowhere and the residual energy of his grace must have still been lingering in the area. And as a good soldier his little brother was, he had gone to the Winchesters to tell them everything about it. How typical of him. But Gabriel didn't ask for this and didn't want them sticking their noses into his business. And now all of them knew he was weak, unstable and could be easily overpowered.

"Why do you care, Sam? I know we've talked about killing the demon together, and I'm still in if you want my help. But this has nothing to do with it. You said we're not buddies, remember? I'm not obligated to inform you about my personal affairs, or am I? I'm not Castiel and you've told me the exact thing just a couple of weeks ago. So, please, tell me, why should I tell you?" Gabriel asked, trying to hide his anger and fear of letting Sam know more than necessary, and he stopped himself before he would say even more emotional crap. He hadn't planned to show his uncertainty so desperately, asking questions so openly. Gabriel was angry and confused and felt so fragile all of a sudden. And he shouldn't feel that way. He was an archangel, for Father's sake. One of the most powerful beings in this damned world.

Gabriel could feel Sam's eyes on him, watching him, trying to get into his head, surely to understand him more so that the hunter could help him. Yes, that was exactly how Sam worked. And Gabriel hated it, the pitying looks and empathetic shit. He didn't need pity and empathy, dammit. He shouldn't need it, but... Sam's voice pulled him out of his raging mind.

"Gabriel," Sam said gently, it was almost like a whisper. "Gabriel, look at me," now his words were more urgent so he looked up at Sam, expecting some payback for the stupid shit he had done before, because this was the best moment for it. Dean had used it against him the other day. And in the past, Gabriel would have used this against others, but Sam wasn't him, and that's why he admired him so, and enjoyed his company. Sam wasn't him.

"You idiot." Sam exhaled in exasperation.

"What?" Gabriel scowled, not expecting Sam to insult him. The hunter's lips quivered at the obvious pout on his face, obviously trying to suppress a laugh.

"Nothing." Sam smiled, averting his eyes as he gazed down at his folded hands laying in front of him on the bed. "Just... you know, next time, tell me, or tell Cas, at least. He was worried, he still is." Sam stressed as he looked up at Gabriel once more. _He knew_. Gabriel's mind provided helpfully.

"He's your brother and he cares about you, even though you can't see it, or don't want to acknowledge it." The hunter paused for a few moments, letting the silence surround them for a while. Gabriel soaked this all in like a sponge. This caring and gentle words. Well, let's just say, he hadn't felt or heard it for a very long time and didn't know how to react to all of it.

"If something's troubling you, just tell me, okay? I wanna help, even if it's just talking it out." Sam said genuinely and he really meant it. Gabriel was stunned into silence. Even after all of that he had done to the hunter and his brother, Sam still wanted to help him.

As he was thinking over everything what had been said between them, Sam asked, "Oh, and, have you talked with Dean lately? Did he tell you something I should know? 'Cause, it was really weird that he agreed with the plan without a fight." Sam frowned and it looked like he was trying to determine the reason on his own, not expecting Gabriel to answer him. And just in that second, Dean barged into Sam's room, crossing his arms over his chest upon seeing Gabriel on Sam's bed.

"You! What are you doing here?!" Dean growled angrily.

"I think, I should go." Gabriel muttered, rolling his eyes in annoyance. Dean, always such a charmer. If he could just snap his fingers and make him disappear...

"Yeah, you should." Dean grunted impatiently, glaring daggers at him.

"What? No! Dean, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Sam yelled at his brother, losing his patience - which was a new one - as he stood up and stepped closer to him, apparently, having enough of his bullshit.

"Great and now you're defending him. Why are you doing this, Sam? He's the Trickster, a monster, who killed me hundred times over, and let your suffer through it every damn time, remember? And now you're on his side? Are you two fucking or what?" Dean shouted, there was real anger within him, his face reddened and his knuckles whitened as he folded his fingers into fists.

"Sam, it's not worth it. I'm going." Gabriel whispered, yet his words pierced through a thick layer of tension in the room anyway, making them too loud.

"No, you're staying." Sam glanced at him for a second with a pleading, but determined, look and Gabriel didn't know, again, what to do with it. Why was he listening to a human? Why was he staying anyway? He could just snap himself out of the room, or mute the brothers for a while. But at the same time, the archangel was quite curious how this argument would end between them. Sam was actually standing up for him here against his own brother. Dammit, and why was his grace pulsing like crazy, bathing in Sam's attention?

Sam turned right back, giving Dean a stare that must have been really menacing as the other man was taken aback by it for a second, and Gabriel could see a glimpse of fear and surprise in the older hunter's eyes, but he hid it quickly.

"You know, Dean, I was the same once. Maybe not for quite as long as him, but I was a freak, a monster once. So, if you're so disgusted by him," Sam pointed at Gabriel with a thumb from behind his shoulder, "then, why are you even talking to me?" Sam asked and it was a genuine question. _He couldn't mean it, right?_ Gabriel thought to himself. Sam wasn't a freak. He wasn't a monster. Sam was the most compassionate and caring person Gabriel had had a chance to know. And his soul...

"What? We've talked about this, Sam. That's not the same thing and you know it." Dean argued firmly.

"Bullshit. You know it's the same thing. We were both monsters at some point in our lives and still we're here, talking to each other. We might not have forgiven each other completely, but we are here together. Think about what you're saying here, and then we can discuss it again later. But now, leave, please. I'm tired of fighting with you and it's giving me a headache." Sam said decisively, leaving no space for another argument, pressing into Dean's chest with his hand and leading him out of the room without any resistance from the other man. Then he slammed the door shut behind Dean and sighed loudly, leaning his forehead on the door. There was a silence for a few minutes, only sounds Gabriel could hear were Sam's deep inhales and exhales.

"I guess, that didn't go well." Gabriel muttered jokingly, trying to lighten the mood, and earned himself a humourless laugh from Sam.

"Yeah." Sam agreed exhaustedly and then they both had stayed silent for a while, thinking.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Here is another chapter for you. I hope you'll like it, since it's one of my favourites. I've got the idea during one night at 3 am and it was actually quite a good idea, so... I hope you'll agree with me. And, it's a bit longer than usual again :).
> 
> Also, I've got a new job today and I'm not going to have so much time to write or do anything else really at the beginning, learning new stuff and getting used to the new surroundings and such. I just want to tell you that I can't promise you an update next Tuesday. I will definitely try to update, but I'm not sure about anything right now. So just you know and thus won't be disappointed. I'm not going to abandon this story, don't worry. And I'm getting to the good (and very important) part already :). So, bear with me, please :).
> 
> Everything you send my way encourage me to continue writing. i really appreciate it :).
> 
> ENJOY!

# Chapter 13

 

"So, what's happened?" Sam asked suddenly, tearing Gabriel out of his reverie, as he turned around and stepped closer to his bed, but at the last moment he decided to sit in the chair on the left side of the room.

"Hmm?" Gabriel hummed in question as if he didn't know what Sam was asking him about, or faking disinterest in the topic ahead of them. One way or the other, Sam didn't want to just let it go.

"Gabriel..." Sam warned but with caution, since this was a dangerous and unknown ground for him and he didn't want Gabriel to run away again just because of his intrusive questions. Sam was curious, no question there, but there was also some kind of duty?, responsibility?, he was feeling around the archangel, he couldn't shake off of himself. It was like his heart and mind weren't in the balance. And he didn't even want to think about his body and its weird responses towards Gabriel's presence. Not at the moment, fortunately. This time his body had got the memo that it wasn't the best moment to act upon its preferences.

"Sam..." Gabriel returned, heaving a sigh as he glanced up at Sam shortly and saw his best puppy-dog eyes the hunter could master. And it worked, a bit.

"Look..." The archangel sighed deeply again, shuffling around on the bed, getting more comfortable for the speech he was going to give. Sam knew it wasn't the best bed and mattress ever produced in the world. The furniture and appliances in the bunker were old and there just wasn't time to modernize everything in here, but the archangel didn't care for once, which was all kinds of unusual and a bit worrying. Gabriel looked up at him, this time meeting his eyes properly.

"I appreciate you standing up for me here, it really warms my angelic heart," Gabriel said sarcastically, pressing the palm of his right hand onto his chest. Still, there was a small crease around the corner of his lips, almost undetectable but Sam somehow knew that the archangel genuinely meant it. And his eyes weren't in the jibe completely, either. Gabriel wasn't used to expressing his feelings. He was so much like Dean in this. Maybe that was why their personalities had clashed with each other so many times,  "but I've lived among humans for a long time. You can't even fathom how long I've walked the Earth among your kind and others. It's something unimaginable for you as a mortal. And all those years I haven't needed anyone giving me therapy sessions like you're trying to do now. I don't really know why you're doing this. But, kiddo, if it's just to keep me here, helping you, I've already told you I will. I'll kill the demon, so you guys can relax and leave my precious self alone." Gabriel finished his dismissive speech, surely expecting that Sam would give up and move onto their plan, but that wasn't his plan, not at all. Sam wanted to know what had happened because... because he just wanted to be sure that Gabriel was alright. Was it that bad to want to assure himself about Gabriel's state of mind?

"But Cas said-" Sam tried but was interrupted immediately.

"What Castiel said doesn't matter, it doesn't concern you." Gabriel warned this time, as if he was getting defensive about it. Sam understood. Gabriel was a very powerful being and he was surely very used to an idea of himself being untouchable. The thing that happened in the desert had showed him - and others who knew, too - that he had a weakness, that he was having troubles with himself. It looked like Gabriel had just lost control over himself and that was the real problem here. Sam understood this feeling very well, indeed.

"I'm an archangel, remember? I don't need you mothering me. I've survived without anyone in my life for centuries and I'm not gonna change that now. Just because you know who I am and my little bro wants the same thing as you've got with Dean, doesn't mean I'm gonna have family dinners from now on. Leave it. Let's discuss more important things, shall we?" Gabriel finished with a wink, trying to distract Sam from his feelings, and he obviously thought that those words had put finality on the matter.

But Sam wasn't about to give in. Now he could see the archangel in a completely different light than before. Now he could see Gabriel was afraid of failure, he feared being weak and dependent on someone else. After so many years of being alone and having to live on his own, Gabriel was resisting close companionship, even though Cas had told Sam that it was actually loneliness the archangel had been feeling that had made him reveal himself and stay with them in the bunker. Sam realized that even if Gabriel wanted someone else's company, someone to talk to after all that shit that had happened before and after the Apocalypse, there wasn't many beings who would want _his_ company. And so far, Gabriel hadn't done anything bad, no pranking or remarks that would endanger them. He was just there, talking to Sam like a normal sentient being. Sam decided, since Gabriel was in a talking mood, he would use it to voice his own thoughts and observations on him. Getting to know each other more was another step towards a friendship after all.

"No." Sam said determinedly.

"What?" Gabriel asked in confusion and surprise at Sam's defiance. The hunter looked into his eyes so that he could emphasize his words with everything he had. His eyes were windows into his soul after all, and that little flame of light - if there was any left after everything he had done - couldn't lie. Not to the archangel anyway.

"I said no. I'm not gonna let you keep saying this repetitive bullshit about you being an archangel, all almighty and powerful. Seriously. You're so full of crap right now, still pretending that you don't need anyone but I see right through you, you know. All of this badassary you're pulling in front of everyone, making tricks and punishing assholes? It's getting pretty tiring. I know that it's just a mask. You're forgetting that I've lived through some real shit myself, pretty similar to yours. Oh, that's right." Sam said, stressing his last words as he crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't leave any room for Gabriel to react as he continued, "And okay, I'm just a human and I might not make it to my forties, but I've got through lots of shit even for such a puny and insignificant being you think I am. So, stop pretending everything's alright with you, when it's clearly not, and for once, let someone help you.

"I've learned through the years that it's better to have someone who has your back than trying desperately to keep that fake persona of yours, the lies, on all the time and getting out of this alone. You know, friendship is about keeping connections with others. And something's telling me that you want it, deep down somewhere, in your angelic body, you want it because you wouldn't be here otherwise, talking to me like a normal intelligent being." Sam finished, inhaling deeply, completely out of breath, his heart was hammering like crazy in his chest, and his headache was getting worse how stressed and agitated he was feeling. Sam couldn't even stop to take a breath because he dreaded that he wouldn't have got enough courage to say everything he had wanted to. It wasn't fear of making Gabriel angry or disappear. He was worried that he had messed up this _something_ between them.

Awkward silence surrounded them like a cocoon. Sam had expected Gabriel get defensive, telling him calmly but with annoyance in his voice that he had just crossed the line and that he had wanted nothing to do with him anymore, but there was still silence between them and if he were honest with himself, Sam was getting nervous a bit. Gabriel stared at him. There was so many emotions showing on his face that, in a completely different circumstances, the hunter would have laughed, since the archangel didn't speak, didn't move. It was so unlike him that Sam hurried to add something to defuse the seriousness of the moment at least a little bit before Gabriel combust with feelings.

"Just think about it, Gabriel. I'm not forcing you into anything. I'm giving you a chance to belong, and I know through experience that being alone isn't a good way to live. And I'm sure that Cas could be a good brother to you, and he may learn something from you as well. Just... no pranking, okay? We've got enough of that from you already." Sam gave him a small smile, reaching his eyes so that Gabriel knew it was genuine, trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit before it was too much emotional chick flick moment - as Dean would say - for them to process at once.

"And Dean... Dean will get over it. Trust me. He just needs more time." Sam said quickly,  "he's been acting weird lately. True. And yeah, he still has some pretty serious reasons not to trust you, and I mean, especially because of me-"

"You?" Gabriel asked in surprise, finally returning into the conversation. At some point, it had really looked like a monologue to Sam. "What are you talking about, kiddo? You're definitely not to blame here. He hates me and I'm not even surprised after that shit I pulled on you with the Tuesdays and the TV land." The archangel grimaced at the memory.

"Gabriel..." Sam paused, shaking his head as he made a decision to continue talking till he had the courage in himself to tell the truth, that thing that had been weighing him down for years like a ton of bricks on his shoulders, "I mean. You know that I haven't been good at making friends in the right places. And Dean... He's just trying to protect me from myself, I guess. He still doesn't trust me enough with non-humans." Sam said quietly as if voicing it too loud it would make it more real and true.

"Sam... If you mean Ruby, it wasn't your fault. All the guys from upstairs and downstairs were leading you to her, to that exact moment in history. And I haven't done anything to stop it. I knew everything and... Okay, I did warn you but that was a shitty warning, if I say so myself now, and trust me, it isn't easy for me to admit it. Stop blaming yourself for it. It had been planned since the beginning. Some things are just unavoidable and you can't stop everything even if you want to." Gabriel tried to convince him, stress every important word, and honestly, Sam hadn't expected to feel a bit of the weight leaving his shoulders. It seemed that he needed this as much as the archangel did.

"Dad..." Gabriel sighed deeply as he shook his head in exasperation. "He just likes good stories, you know. And sometimes, I wonder if he's even here anymore. At first, I thought that maybe, he just took a vacation from us, from all of that around here, but... lately, I'm not sure about that anymore."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked curiously.

"Huh. Sammy boy, when I told you God had left the building, I didn't mean just Heaven." Gabriel rolled his eyes in annoyance, but it was directed more at the words he said than Sam's not understanding them correctly.

"Oh..."

"Yeah, oh. You know. I'm the Messenger of God, I should probably know where he is. He hadn't sent me any message for a lo~ong time. And it's not just because of me leaving Heaven. No~o. Dad just doesn't care, or is watching us like one of my programmes in the TV land and I'm sure he's having fun." The archangel snapped as he was looking at the ceiling, surely meaning to send the harsh words to the right man.

"Okay, well... That I didn't have to know. It's pretty depressing. I just... I always thought that he's out there and someday he will stop this madness in the world. Okay, whatever. I guess, we should probably focus on killing Abaddon right now." Sam tried to mask his disappointment in God but he was sure that Gabriel noticed. However, he didn't comment on it.

"You bet, Sammich." Gabriel replied with the too familiar smirk on his face.

"Seriously, man? Where do you get those nicknames all the time?" Sam groaned in fake annoyance, because it was kind of funny. At least Gabriel didn't call him Sammy, like Dean. That one was annoying.

"That's my secret. Do you wanna know?" Gabriel waggled his eyebrows. _Is he flirting?_ Sam thought to himself, which caught him completely off guard.

"Errrg, not anymore." Sam stuttered and he felt blood reaching his cheeks. "Okay, whatever. I'm gonna get Dean and Cas to the library and you'd better be there, no running." Sam warned, pointing at Gabriel with the raised forefinger.

"You can't tell me what to do, kiddo." Gabriel said playfully, conjuring himself a lollipop. Sam frowned, willing him to say "Yes, I'll meet you there."

"Okay, okay... Stop with the bitchface. I'll be there. Promise." Gabriel pouted but there was mirth and mischief in his eyes. Sam averted his gaze so he wouldn't be caught staring. It was so easy to get lost in them. The hunter shook his head to shake off the weird feelings spreading in his heart. He somehow suspected what it meant but now, it wasn't exactly the right time to think about _that_.

"Ri~ight." Sam sighed tiredly as he stood up and walked out of his room, being on a mission to find the other two men in the bunker. His headache hadn't subsided and he was damn sure that it wasn't going to be getting any better later in the day with those two idiots. At least he had Cas on his side.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo everyone!
> 
> I'm back and I'm bringing you an update. I'm sure you wanted one last week, but as I said two weeks ago, I've been really busy lately and there just wasn't enough time and energy to do anything creative. I'm really sorry about that. But! Because I like you, my readers, very much, this chapter is a little bit longer than usual. I hope you forgive me for keeping you waiting.
> 
> Also, a little WARNING here. There are some descriptions of violence. Not too graphic, or at least for my standards. But, you have been warned :).
> 
> Anyway, here it is and as always, comments and kudos are very welcomed. Don't hesitate and tell me what you think :).
> 
> ENJOY!

# Chapter 14

 

“Finally. Mr. ‘ _I own them all_ ’ honoured us with his almighty presence.“ Dean bit out immediately after Gabriel stepped into the room. The archangel rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Don't push it, Dean-o. You’re really lucky I’m not inclined to know how my little bro would look like with his heart broken over one of you being hurt.” Gabriel threatened while glancing at Castiel knowingly, trying to coax some reaction out of him. But Castiel just narrowed his eyes at him and tilted his head in confusion. Maybe he just didn’t understand his remark or he learned to ignore it. With Cas no one ever knew.

“Dean, seriously, can you please just stop it for a few precious minutes? At least pretend you wanna listen and you care what’s gonna happen to us. To you! You’re the one who’s still obsessed with the Blade. I don't really know what's gotten into you lately. You didn't seem to mind Crowley that much, so why are you still pissed at Gabriel?“ Sam snapped at Dean, who raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Alright. Whatever, Samantha. He's your boyfriend after all, right? “ Dean muttered as he stood up swiftly and walked away, probably for another beer, since there was already one empty standing on the table. Gabriel could see Sam's cheeks redden in embarrassment as he smiled softly, and the only thing that came up onto his mind was 'cute' and 'more of that'. Damn, he was so done for those dimples. Then he met Sam’s pleading eyes, surely trying to send his apologies through his puppy-dog expression. Dammit, that was also working. Too much even. Some of his vessel's organs didn't want to listen to him, doing some weird acrobatic moves inside of him, and his grace's energy levels was getting out of hand. But whatever the archangel had been feeling towards the hunter for these past couple of weeks, he couldn't let anyone know. So he just shrugged and shook his head slightly in a ‘don’t worry’ way.

It wasn't Sam's fault after all. The younger hunter shouldn’t act like a buffer between him and Dean all the time. He had enough of other things going on in his life right now and this aggressiveness between them wasn’t helping him to relax even for a few moments. But it was going to be over soon and Gabriel would disappear from Sam’s life as quickly as he had appeared in it. No more fighting between the brothers, no more picking sides. Although it would probably tear his grace apart, it was easier just run away and hide than fall even deeper for the younger Winchester. It was becoming quite apparent that his grace just wouldn't quit and had to react wildly around Sam's soul every damn time. It was getting quite exhausting to suppress the pull towards the other man, and Gabriel could try to come up with the weirdest explanations why it was exactly this one soul out of so many he had seen in his long life, at the end of the day, he would always end up with the only one conclusion there was anyway.

They were still glancing at each other subtly, trying to avoid each other's eyes but failing immensely. Gabriel didn't know what to think of it. While he understood his growing feelings towards the younger hunter, he couldn't think of a reason why Sam would want anything to do with him. Using his powers for killing Abaddon was one thing, talking to him even if he didn't have to was another. And Gabriel really didn't want to get his hopes up for something he couldn't have.

“So? Are you two gonna just stare at me all day or tell me where Abaddon is hiding? I can feel the demon but its exact location is hidden from me somehow. Anyhow, I could have popped in and killed it already." Gabriel said in exasperation, sighing heavily, as he was getting bored out of his mind. Was it always so slow with them when they were planning something ahead?

“Well, first of all, you’re not popping in anywhere without us as a back-up, right Cas?” Sam asked as he looked up at Castiel, who was still hovering over them like a protective mother hen he was, and as the hunter got the expected confirmation from the angel in a subtle nod, he looked back at Gabriel with determination in his eyes. It seemed that he wasn't going to give up and stay here in the bunker where he would be safe. No one would convince him otherwise.

Gabriel liked the way those three interacted with each other. Unfortunately, his past would always follow him like a dark shadow and even if he killed dozens of demons, the Winchesters would probably never trust him enough to forget what he had done to them. But maybe, just maybe this once he could earn the trust and perhaps even the friendship from Sam, his plan of leaving them behind and going to kill the Knight of Hell alone should be enough of redemption for his misdoings. Nevermind Dean, Gabriel didn't need to have good relations with him.

After Dean came back with another bottle of beer in his hand, Sam started explaining their, or rather his, plan. The next few hours were all just filled with the hunters arguing about various possibilities how to weaken Abaddon and give Gabriel some more leverage in the fight. Well, that was just plain ridiculous to him because Abaddon might be quite strong for a demon, but there was no comparison with an archangel. So while the Winchesters were talking over each other, planning, Gabriel had been thinking how to disappear without them even realizing it right into the place where Abaddon was hiding. There would probably be some resistance in a form of a few more regular demons. Maybe some anti-angelic symbols. Gabriel counted on all of that and still trusted his own skills, and also some of the pagan's ones, that he wouldn't run into any problems. While the archangel was mulling over his own plan, leaving everyone behind and finish this on his own, Castiel reached out to him through the angelic radio, something like a private line for angels, staring at him intently.

"I know what you are doing, Gabriel." Castiel said simply.

"Oh, do you? And what might that be, dear brother?" Gabriel asked mockingly. Castiel narrowed his eyes into two slits. And was that anger seeping from him?

"Do not play with me, Gabriel. I know what you want to do. And it will not help you to strengthen your friendship with Sam. He detests lies. This plan of yours, going there without them, will not end well." Castiel said with urgency. It was so strange to feel and see his fear of losing Gabriel. Why would he be afraid of him losing in the fight against Abaddon? Did he not trust him to be strong enough to win? Anger surged into Gabriel and he was about to say words he would probably regret later, but right now? Thinking that he was strong and independent and didn't need anyone else in his life was the only thing that had always helped Gabriel keep going. The archangel just wanted to belief that he could do it on his own, even with his control over his grace slipping through his fingers. And deep inside of him, in his heart, he also wanted to prove himself worthy of Sam's friendship. That there would always be some place to come back and perhaps have a short chat with the hunter about life. Sam was intelligent and smart, caring and honest. And hot on top of that. But Gabriel didn't have to be at his side all the time. Talking from time to time was quite enough as he had realized within the last few days. This _something_ between them was very unusual for him as it wasn't either physical, or even a part of a deal, or some kind of punishment. This connection, that Gabriel had actually never felt to anyone else, was so extraordinary that he couldn't imagine losing it completely. But what Castiel was saying...

"Castiel, are you saying that I'm not strong enough to face the demon alone?" Gabriel hissed through the line, leaving his face blank, but his grace was full of emotion and Castiel had to see it.

"That is not what I meant and you know it, Gabriel. It is dangerous." Castiel said gently but with a plea in the tone of his voice. Gabriel then understood what his brother had tried to tell him. It was just fear of him doing something stupid and dying while at it. And he had already done it once for the Winchesters. That wasn't his first rodeo with them.

"It's dangerous for Sa-...for them to face the Knight along with me. Even with you protecting them would be just plain madness. There are not many weapons to kill me though, so I'm gonna finish this and you're not coming with me, understand?" Gabriel said firmly, expecting Castiel to follow his orders. There was a silence between them for a few seconds and then he could hear a deep sigh from his brother.

"Very well. But I will not lie to them if they ask where you are. You have to understand, I have already lied to them too many times and I will not endanger my position here just because you are a stubborn idiot." Castiel stressed his every word, raising his eyebrow as he let Gabriel know he wouldn't budge. The archangel had to chuckle at Castiel's clear courage to speak his mind. The Winchesters were good for him.

"Alright. Deal. And Cassie, stop staring at me. It's getting pretty obvious we're talking without those two chuckleheads hearing a word." Gabriel said jokingly, smirking and then winking at Castiel to throw him off balance, which provoked the angel to narrow his eyes in annoyance. Gabriel turned his head back towards the Winchesters, who, unawares of their little brotherly chat, were still animatedly talking to each other about their 'brilliant' plan. The archangel was confident that the demon would be dead long before the hunters hit the road. That was, at least, _his_ plan.

Well, plan were exactly just that. Only plans. Fabricated in their minds, detailed and perfect. But the reality was, unfortunately, often very different.

***

"Oh," Abaddon hummed in surprise, her perfect eyebrows rising lightly at Gabriel's arrival into an abandoned warehouse. The archangel had to give it to the demon. That was a very fine vessel; a woman with beautiful features but her body emanated strength. Plus, she was ginger. Those were always a bit more... lively. "I have expected someone from upstairs," Abaddon said, pressing the forefinger of her right hand on her lips as in a deep thought, frowning a bit as if Gabriel had had ruined her party with just his presence, "but an archangel? I admit, I'm surprised. You can't rely on anyone these days, I guess. My minions told me there are no archangels up here anymore." the demon said with slight disdain towards her lower slaves, walking a few steps to her right.

It was a bit unnerving because if Abaddon knew that Gabriel was an archangel, why wasn't she afraid of him, or rather trying to run away? This wasn't good. He then realized that this whole place didn't feel right. Gabriel's senses were a bit sluggish and when he reached out into the ether in the room with his grace, he almost lost his balance how the air around him pressed him back into the vessel. Castiel's words could be heard echoing in his head, his words of warning were ringing in his mind, mocking him what a idiot he had been to just step into a trap. Never underestimate a demon, any demon. They were resourceful and knew many things. Angels could never imagine how easy it was for them to acquire knowledge beyond their pay grade. Gabriel had prepared for something like that because Abaddon wasn't just a regular pawn from Hell. The Knights of Hell had been strong back in the day, and this one in particular had stayed alive for a very long time that it would be laughable to expect an easy fight. But somehow, Gabriel hadn't thought Abaddon capable of getting her hands on the holy oil and knowing such powerful symbols, even for an archangel. Plans had never gone in his favour.

Abaddon smirked at Gabriel, seeing him struggle with the power of the symbols surrounding him. Now he could see them, glistening paint on every wall of the place, almost like some kind of modern art exhibition. Then Abaddon put her left hand into the pocket of her jeans and took out a lighter, igniting a small flame and throwing it into the circle of the holy oil. Gabriel just raised his left eyebrow, snorting at the attempt of holding him in it, trying to fake his nonchalance about the situation. But inside the archangel started panicking and it wasn't easy to pretend that he still had an upper hand in this. Dammit, he was still more powerful than her!

"So, which one of them are you. Hmm. Lucifer's ass is in Hell and I'd recognize him immediately." Abaddon said thoughtfully, but it was obvious that the demon didn't expect him to fill in his name, clearly knowing that Gabriel wasn't going anywhere right now, she kept talking to no one in particular. The archangel wanted to get out of there fast, preferably unscathed, but his grace wasn't helping one bit and his vessel was restricting him to spread out and kill everything dark around him.

"Michael's locked up with him in the Box, and I've heard about the third one, Raphael, that he was killed. So, you must be Lucifer's favourite brother, Gabriel. I've heard a lot about you." Abaddon looked so pleased with herself, deducing this all without him saying a word, and touching a sensitive subject for him at the same time.

"Are you done?" Gabriel said snappishly, giving away a bit of nervousness and anger he had been feeling. Surrounded with the holy fire and symbols weakening his powers, the archangel didn't have much time to plan a way of getting out of there. At least, he had his archangelic blade and the fire wouldn't last forever. Maybe Gabriel could conjure an illusion but he was too weak to do more than one at a time and for just a few minutes. Abaddon smiled devilishly as if she were in on something Gabriel didn't know about.

Abaddon smiled and glanced up at Gabriel from behind her eyelashes as if secretly watching him while planning some new torturing techniques. And right then he saw the blade, sliding out of her sleeve, its metallic surface reflected the light falling on it from outside. Gabriel should have known that Abaddon acted too confident for having just the holy oil and symbols in her arsenal. The archangel shivered unconsciously and pulled the copy of his own blade out of his jacket, preparing for an attack but not letting the real piece out so fast. Sometimes it was better to be cautious than sorry later, "You know. It's gonna be my pleasure to kill you like a little bitch. Oops, sorry." The demon said without any remorse, smiling insanely and closing in on him slowly like a predator on an easy prey.

And then Gabriel felt a pulse of excruciating pain on his back, dropping on his knees, the fake prop of his blade slipping out of his hand and falling beside him on a cold, concrete floor. Someone had splashed the holy oil on him and lit it from the distance. It had happened within a few seconds. Gabriel had been too busy watching and listening to Abaddon, who had just wanted to distract him from noticing anyone creeping up behind him. His eyes closed screwed shut on their own accord and he tried to open them forcefully, since there were demons around him, for fuck's sake! He really, really tried, blinking salt water from his eyelashes, his sight blurred. Gabriel couldn't see shit and he knew that Abaddon was close, so close to him, and that was it, right? This was the end. The archangel Gabriel killed by his own stupidity and presumptuous belief in his skills and power. What a joke. What a shitty way to go. Gabriel laughed at himself, desperately trying to calm himself down but in no vain, his grace going crazy - feeling the end of its light, and his vessel's skin was burning, suddenly he felt the flames of the fire were too close to him, too hot and fiery, even though the fire was going out.

Gabriel heard someone chuckling - _Abaddon -_ surely laughing at him and his weaknesses. Unfortunately, the demon had some other plans than just kill him fast on the spot, ending him without more pain. The archangel was beginning to feel the cuts of an angelic blade on his skin, deep enough for his grace to seep through into the open, the light leaving his vessel through the wounds, but not too deep to kill him, not yet. It was the torture he had feared when trapped in the circle. How could he even think that Abaddon wouldn't take advantage of it, a demon killing an archangel. It was like a trophy to them, ensuring them obedience from all the demons in the world.

"I didn't know this would be so much fun." Abaddon laughed fiendishly and kept cutting him everywhere the demon could. Gabriel was slowly losing his consciousness, black spots appearing before his eyes. The archangel realized that it would be better to give in now than be conscious until the very end.

Gabriel was lying on the ground, his eyes closing slowly, there was so much pain that it was blinding his senses. He screamed, he sobbed, he could hear himself praying silently to someone, anyone, to God, apologizing to Sam...

 _Sam_.

The last moments of his awareness belonged to the human, who had brought emotions out of him and this sense of wanting someone else in his life that Gabriel had never known he desired. Now it was gone, everything would be gone in a few minutes because he thought that being dependent on others was a weakness, a vulnerability. What a dumb idea to cling to. Sam had been right. Being alone had never been the right path to choose and Gabriel now felt it through every speck of his existence.

And then there was blackness. Internal and vast nothingness. Finally silence.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> I hope you all are great. Here is another chapter! No more waiting :).
> 
> I'm really curious what you think about it. Hit me with your opinions! I was also wondering... when you read this, what do you think about my English, how I use it? I'm not a native English speaker so I know that it's not perfect, but I hope it's not too bad :D.
> 
> ENJOY!

# Chapter 15

 

Sam was preparing for the trip quietly in the common room, stuffing his duffel bag with everything he could think of so their plan would go without trouble. He knew that his brother was doing the same in his room and it somehow brought him a sense of security, that Dean would always have his back no matter what had happened between them. One thing just bothered him a little while being alone in silence. Where were Gabriel and Castiel? They should have been here by now so that they all could take off to the warehouse where Abaddon and her pawns were currently hiding their hides. Sam knew that it might not go without a hitch. That wasn't what he had been used to in his life anyway, but just this once it could. Just this once.

While still mulling over the absence of the angels, Sam heard fluttering of wings in the room. His eyes travelled up quickly in reflex to look at the source of the sound and upon seeing that it was Castiel, holding Gabriel in his arms, his mind went totally blank for a millisecond before his thoughts broke into a complete chaos in his head.

“Castiel, what the hell happened?“ Sam shouted in shock and fear, jumping up from the chair he had been occupying just seconds ago. The angel appeared in front of him with Gabriel's lifeless body in his arms, drops of blood were dripping from various spots of the archangel's body on the floor and upon watching them, the light coming from the wounds blinded him, creating white spots at the edges of his vision. _This is Gabriel's grace_. Sam thought and at another time he would keep staring in awe at the life essence of the archangel, the real him. Castiel's words took him out of his daze.

“Gabriel is an utter idiot, that is exactly what happened. But I will explain later, Sam. Now I must help my brother recover and it will probably take near all of my power and even more. Unfortunately, I am not sure that he will survive this. I have seen so much damage on someone just once before.” Castiel commented with a fearful tone in his voice while hurrying towards a free room in the bunker. Sam's brain automatically added a name to the "someone" Castiel had talked about. _Dean in Hell._

When they arrived at the door, the angel opened them with just a slight movement of his fingers, stepped in and laid Gabriel’s limp, bruised and bloodied body on the bed. It was a horrible sight. The blinding light was seeping through the wounds on the archangel’s vessel. Sam didn’t know what to do, since he didn’t have any experience with tending an injured archangel. There were a swirl of questions swarming his mind but no time for Castiel to answer them at all right now and he understood that. Sam just sat in the chair and watched the angel caring for his older brother, his eyes glued to the light radiating from Gabriel's body.

"Sam. Stop looking at the wounds. The light is dangerous for you." Castiel warned as he kneeled on the other side of the bed and pressed both his palms onto Gabriel’s skin, removing his clothes in the process and starting to heal the deepest cuts. It was obvious that it was draining him really fast, marks of perspiration appearing on his forehead, but the angel wasn’t stopping even for a second. Gabriel was an archangel and Sam could imagine his wounds were harder to heal even for an angel still having all his powers. Castiel was doing everything he could but the fact that he was cut out of the Host wasn't helping matters.

Sitting in the chair and leaning on his knees with his forearms, Sam realized that Castiel hadn’t exaggerated when he had said Gabriel was in a very bad shape, at the edge of death really. Dread spread through his body and he shivered violently. Seeing Gabriel like that, motionless and silent, was terrifying. Sam was beginning to feel aching pulses within his chest longer he was looking at Gabriel's face without his familiar smirk, and Sam suddenly realized that he missed the ever present mirth and mischief in his eyes. Instead, Sam saw that his face was too pale without any sign of his usual liveliness. All the feelings the hunter had been suppressing the whole time that he had spent with the archangel (and before really) were springing up into the surface at once. Sam didn't want to think about the fact that there was a chance that - because he had never wanted to acknowledge his feelings towards the archangel completely and act upon them more openly - Gabriel might never know that he had always been welcomed here, and even more. These last couple of weeks Sam had begun to miss him every day when Gabriel had been gone. It was like torture, living through this the second time around.

“What’s going on here, Sam?” Sam heard Dean say as he rushed into the room, watching the whole scene with wild eyes.

“I don’t know. Cas just appeared in the bunker with Gabriel like this already. I don’t really know what happened.” Sam whispered and he could hear desperation in his own voice, his lips quivering and hot tears pressing their way out into the open. He ran his hands over his face, sighing heavily, and he could feel the tension accumulating between his temples and the strong ache spreading in his chest. Dean stepped closer to his side and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder for support, gently pressing his fingers into his flesh. Sam knew what his brother thought about his close relationship with Gabriel, but in such times as this, Dean did what Sam needed and he was grateful for it. And even though Dean didn't care about Gabriel that much, at least he cared about Sam and supported him through this.

"Everything's gonna be okay, Sammy. Don't worry. Gabriel is a relentless son of a bitch. With Cas here, he'll get through this." Dean said with conviction, his face stoic as if the scene in front of them hadn't affected him, but deep inside Sam knew that it had shocked his brother as well.  The younger hunter was also a bit surprised at Dean's words but it helped him to get it together at least a little so that he could help Castiel if necessary.

Sam didn't know how long it had really taken Castiel to heal the most lethal wounds on Gabriel's body. And though it seemed that it had been hours, it had been actually just a few minutes when the angel stopped with a deep inhale and exhale and collapsed on the bed next to Gabriel. Dean immediately ran to his side and checked his vitals, but Castiel opened his eyes after a few seconds, blinking lazily and moving into a sitting position sluggishly. It was clear that the healing had taken too much from the angel and Sam just hoped that it hadn't endangered Castiel too. Sam could still see the light beaming out of Gabriel' body, there were so many cuts that it was impossible to heal them all at once.

"Are you okay, Cas?" Dean asked caringly, still holding onto Castiel's hand as if he had lost the connection with him, the angel could disappear.

Sam's eyes travelled over the motionless form laying on the bed, not letting himself linger too much on the warm light and rather stopping to properly take a look at Gabriel's face. His features - at other times full of mirth and never-stopping mischief - were too calm - _lifeless_ \- for the archangel, but there was a slight colour in his cheeks and the worst of his wounds were healed up so that his grace wasn't forcing its light out of his vessel in so many places as before. Though there were still cuts and bruises on his body, Sam understood that Castiel had focused on the deepest ones.

"Cas, is he gonna be alright? What happened?" Sam asked impatiently and rather forcefully, standing up and stepping closer to the bed. Dean glanced up at him for a second, clearly keeping his own question at bay for his sake and Sam was grateful for it yet again. It was a bit surreal to see his brother behave like this after everything he had said to Gabriel earlier.

"Well," Castiel shuffled a little on the bed, getting more comfortable, as he gazed down  intently at Gabriel, covering him with a blanket and then resting his hand on his shoulder. Maybe he was trying to determine the state of the archangel's grace through the touch. It was a gesture of brotherly love and caring that Sam knew from Dean. Castiel sighed heavily at that, "it was partially my fault. I just... I just thought he would change his mind...," he paused for a few seconds, running his other hand over his face in exhaustion, and Sam could also hear desperation in his tone of voice. But why would it be his fault? What the hell had happened?

"Gabriel went after Abaddon alone because he did not want to endanger you," Castiel said as he looked up at Sam meaningfully. The hunter shivered under the hard stare, but it wasn't aggressive or angry stare, it was just a look of a brother who knew something but couldn't tell anyone else and now he was feeling guilty because he could have prevented this from happening, "and I knew what he was going to do and I did not stop him. He made me promise not to tell you. And just an hour ago I sensed this calling for help from the exact location of the warehouse. I knew at that instance something had gone wrong. As you can see, he is in a very bad condition, and honestly I was expecting the worst. Abaddon could kill him, but she did not and I do not want to know the reason for her reluctance or why she would change her mind. This could have secured her place in Hell, killing an archangel and stealing his blade. She would have a possibility to kill anything in this world except God." Castiel paused again, his face getting a serious vibe, as he looked back at Gabriel laying motionlessly on the bed. There was a silence for a while as all three watched the archangel's chest rising and falling under the blanket upon his every inhale and exhale. At least, the worst had been averted and that was a good thing. Castiel would have told them otherwise.

"Alright, Cas. You can explain everything in more detail later. You should rest, you look like a zombie from a bad horror movie, man." Dean chuckled lightly, always trying to deflate the tension of serious situations with humour. Of course, Castiel didn't get the reference and tilted his head slightly in silent question. "Nevermind, Cas. Just. Rest for a while." Dean added as he smiled at Castiel's clueless expression. There was a silence for a few seconds.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Dean asked hesitantly, nodding his head in Gabriel's direction. This gesture had surprised Sam but at least he wasn't the one to ask. The younger Winchester didn't know if he could voice his concern out loud right now, and he was sure that his inner fear over the archangel would give away his feelings for him. Sam wasn't prepared for the questions and demanding answers and other remarks from Dean. Even though his brother didn't seem to mind that much now, he would eventually corner him about it later. Sam just wanted them to go away so that he could stay alone with Gabriel and care for him in his own way, touch him, feel him. Sam just wanted to make sure that he was alive by himself. What a stupid thing to do, going against Abaddon alone. _What were you thinking, Gabe?_ Sam asked silently with a pitch of anger in it that immediately changed into worry.

"Yes, you are right, Dean. I need rest. Sam, do you mind staying with Gabriel for a while? I will come back to heal the rest of his wounds but now he should be out of immediate danger." Castiel said reassuringly. Sam really appreciated it and nodded at the angel in understanding. Dean shook his head at the silent conversation between them, but didn't comment on it for which Sam was again grateful.

"Come on then, Cas. There's an empty room just around the corner." Dean said as he slapped the angel on his shoulder and led him out of the room, closing the door behind them with a light thud.

Sam could just hear the sound of retreating footsteps on the concrete floor and then he was left in a complete silence. It was almost deafening to stay here in the presence of sleeping Gabriel, who had always been loud and obnoxious, full of himself and having a few lewd remarks on his tongue all the time.

The younger Winchester just sat at the edge of the bed and laid his right hand on Gabriel's left tentatively, afraid that touching him could make it worse somehow. The hunter exhaled heavily as he bowed his head in resignation and exhaustion, rubbing his tired eyes with the fingers of his left hand and then smoothing the fallen strands of his hair back from his face. He looked up at Gabriel's face, reaching out to touch it but then hesitating a few inches above, though just for a second, because the urge to touch and feel Gabriel's warmth was stronger than his reason. Sam run his fingers gently over the archangel's right cheek, watching his face attentively for any signs of him waking up, but deep down the hunter knew that the idea of it was just too far away from reality at the moment.

Gabriel had been so badly injured that it was a miracle that he had survived it. And of course, Castiel had helped for the most part. If the angel hadn't heard Gabriel calling, he could have been dead right now. No getting him back. No chance of getting to know him more. No hearing his voice again, even though it wasn't his true voice, it was the way how he articulated and how his lips moved when he was being playful, or serious, or in a mood for a punishment. Sam understood that now he could see just Gabriel's vessel, nothing more, and honestly, it hurt him knowing that he might never have a chance to see the real Gabriel again, even just through the small gestures and nuances, motions of how he carried himself around, or the bright light in his amber eyes, grace showing itself through them. On the one hand, it hurt Sam as hell how close he had got of not having anything of it in his life anymore. On the other hand, he felt vulnerable because he held deep feelings for the archangel and he couldn't imagine going through the depression of losing someone again, or Gabriel running away from him. Sam just couldn't go through the idea of making a mistake in this once more after Ruby and other bad choices in his life. But the idea of not feeling anything was even worse and repulsive for him, remembering the time without his soul. He shuddered. _No_. Sam had decided already to leap ahead into the unknown territory with the archangel, even if it meant just a short fling for Gabriel. Sometimes it was good to hope, to believe in better endings.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Finally, it's spring! But honestly, mornings are still quite cold here. Well, I hope this chapter warms you up at least a little bit:).
> 
> Okay, so I tried to write a little bit of smut in this chapter, but you know, I'm not an expert at this kind of thing, so I'm sorry in advance if it's not that good. Even though my friend is still telling me that it's good, I think that she would have written it better :D. Anyway, let me know what you think:). I always appreciate an opinion from readers.
> 
> P.S. I've been listening to Soulsavers feat. Dave Gahan. Their music is really good. For example this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BjC7o0v3cA . Give them a try!

# Chapter 16

 

Waking up had never been so difficult and painful. His eyes were closed, hidden behind the eyelids, but still, the light streaming from somewhere was attacking his retinas like needles. Nevertheless, Gabriel tried to open them but they were too heavy. It was impossible to even blink, much less use them. His vessel had never felt like an obstacle for him on Earth before. The body had been always an advantage as everyone who had met him had assumed he was weak and fragile, and underestimated his strength, which was a good thing in his line of work. However now, when he thought about it, it was actually true. Gabriel was weak, he felt like dying and worse. Moving his fingers was a struggle, swallowing was like trying to eat barbed wire covered in cotton. It was strange and not in a good way. The archangel had always been curious and eager to try new things, not that there were many in the world now he hadn’t tried yet as he had lived in it for so long. But this was different. This powerlessness irritated him greatly, still not having control over his body, feeling too much like an ordinary human. Every damn thing within his body hurt like hell, not that Gabriel knew much what Hell felt like. _Thank God._ He had never lacked imagination though.

There were voices echoing around him. Gabriel wasn’t able - or more like he didn’t have enough strength – to will his eyes to cooperate with his brain, though he could sense the presence of more than one human, and something more powerful. _An angel._  The archangel couldn’t remember where he was or with whom. There was nothing resembling some sense to him, just chaos and jumbled thoughts in his head. Suddenly, Gabriel could feel someone touching him on his forehead. It was this calm presence surrounding him that finally forced him to wake up completely. His desire to see who they were was strong but some things just didn’t go as he would like them to. He at least attempted to flex his fingers and other parts of his vessel, but immediately regretted the motion because it hurt like a bitch. Gabriel grimaced in unexpected pain and frowned in frustration. This was tedious and exhausting. He groaned loudly and this time definitely caught the attention of whoever had stayed there with him.

“Hey, hey. Gabriel. Thank God, you’re awake.” Gabriel heard someone say and the voice seemed familiar to him, but no name came to his mind, just a face of a man with brown shaggy hair and hazel eyes, and with the face he felt something more, something he couldn’t name, it was just a feeling, an emotion, which immediately scared him and he shivered and tried to move, at least a little.

“Don’t move, Gabriel. You’ve been out for a few days.” The man said caringly, holding his forearm in place with his hand. The touch was unexpected but warm and pleasant, reassuring even, and Gabriel’s vessel reacted to it violently, creating goose bumps everywhere on his skin. At last, his eyes had stopped hurting too much and the archangel decided he would give it a shot once more and open them slowly and carefully look around himself. He just wanted to finally see the man who was talking to him. That was all. There were no other reasons behind it. Nope. Definitely not.

“Ugh…” Gabriel groaned, licking his dry lips and blinking furiously to get rid of the white spots blinding his vision. “What the hell happened?” He croaked, coughing in attempt to clear his throat, but hurting it instead how dry it was.

“You tell me, Gabriel. When Cas brought you here, you looked like someone made a punching bag from you. I’ve seen some pretty scary shit in my life, but that was a new level of scary.” The man said and Gabriel finally remembered that his name was Sam. _Sam Winchester_. The archangel coughed a little, not able to produce any words with this feeling in his mouth. It was really difficult to talk because of how dry his throat was.

“Oh, here. Drink this.” Sam said and then took the glass from the table next to the bed, helping Gabriel to sit a little, supporting his back and neck. It was humiliating but better that Sam did it than someone else. Gabriel knew that Sam would never use this against him unlike himself. Gabriel motioned Sam to take the glass away and dropped his body back into the pillow like a sack of potatoes. The archangel felt exhausted as if he had been doing some very complicated spell or creating things out of thin air for a whole day. Gabriel groaned again, grimacing over the pain spreading into the entire vessel, but he could feel his grace fluttering in power, growing slowly but surely. That was at least a good sign. Everything else just terrified him too much to think about it.

“Where is Castiel?” Gabriel asked at last without too much trouble, flexing the muscles in his body.

“He’s just left. I gotta tell him you’re awake.” Sam said as he stood up and was about to leave the room. It was a reflex to reach out to him and hold his hand firmly as if he were afraid of the hunter leaving him for good. What a pathetic notion. Gabriel was an archangel, dammit. He didn’t need anyone else. Or did he? Sam stopped and looked down at him, his eyes travelled to Gabriel’s fingers pressing into his skin. At that, Gabriel flinched as if burnt by Sam’s gaze.

“Uhm… Okay. I’ll stay right here, I guess.” Gabriel hurried to say and turned his head so that Sam couldn’t see the emotions surging within him. The archangel could feel it, the blood reaching his cheeks, his palms sweating. What the hell was going on with his body? It was overwhelming. Not that Gabriel had never gone through any emotions, but this was so much more, more intense, and raw, and terrifying.

Gabriel had been teared out of his reverie when Sam had left the room with a light slide of the metal door behind him. The silence was deafening. He could hear everything around him, every little thing in motion, his vision had got sharper and the colours and every possible kind of waves were moving around him in tides. As weak as Gabriel was, his angelic senses were coming back to him and for that he was grateful. For the first time in years, he felt earnest gratitude toward his Father for giving him back what he had lost because of his stupidity. For years Gabriel had been faking who he really was, playing a trickster, a Norse God, his ego growing bigger and uncontrollably blinding him in situations that had mattered the most. It was oh so stupid to think that he could never make a mistake, that humans were flawed and he was immaculate, and that he had some right to teach them lessons he himself hadn’t learned.

His reflecting was interrupted by the footsteps echoing in the hall, stopping right outside of the door. Gabriel’s senses sharpened and he could see the light through the walls, radiating warmth, drawing his grace closer. To distract himself, he concentrated on the other light, more familial – _Castiel’s_ – also bright but weaker than it should be. When had it happened? Gabriel realized that he had never looked at Castiel more closely, as he should have when he had arrived. His brother had done bad things, his decisions shaping both the world and angels in various ways. Not all of them had been good, but the angel had tried, tried to do better and failed, but tried to set it right again. And it was more human than Gabriel could ever imagine seeing one of his brothers being.

A quiet but determined knock brought him back out of his thoughts, the doors opened and there he was, his little brother standing in the doorway, the light of his grace brightened even more upon seeing Gabriel awake. His physical state must have been worse than he thought, drawing such a reaction from Castiel, always so stoic and determined to hide the emotions within him. And Sam was towering over his brother, his eyes focusing on Gabriel, his vessel. Sam couldn’t see the real him and that was somehow too disappointing to think about. Pathetic even, letting himself dwell on emotions and caring about what the human saw in him. Gabriel had struggled with this for longer than he would want to. Apparently, he was too deep in this, too invested. He hated it, this vulnerability, this longing. The archangel would rather Sam believed that he had gone against Abaddon because he wanted to show them his superiority over them, than thinking that he had done it for the hunter. But if Castiel had been the one to find him, he had surely told them about their conversation the day before. The little soldier shaped into something more human, more like Gabriel himself years ago. The angel was closer to the Winchesters, who weren’t his true family but they cared more than their brothers ever would. Gabriel had looked for this for years ago as well, finding something among the pagan god, but it hadn’t been the same as the relationship he could see here. Those three idiots just made it through whatever had happened, and they seemed even closer to each other than Gabriel had seen before.

“Hey, little bro. How’s life?” Gabriel asked with a smirk on his face, pretending everything was peachy.

“You idiot.” Castiel deadpanned, his expression changing into one of an angry and disappointed parent. Gabriel’s eyes widened in surprise, but he could feel his lips quirking into a smile on their own volition. This was so new. “You could have been killed and honestly, I am not even sure how you are still alive. Where is your blade, Gabriel?” Castiel asked seriously, stepping closer to the bed, Sam still standing in the doorway as if hesitating whether he were welcomed into this reunion of sorts or not.

“Don’t worry. I have it stashed in the other dimension. I’m an idiot but I’m not that stupid to manifest my real blade during a fight I knew I couldn’t win, not in those circumstances. She must have known I was coming.” Gabriel said absently, wondering if it were a standard everyone had an angel blade on them these days.

“That fact could be arguable. You are still stupid enough to go there alone without any help. We could have helped-“

“No, you couldn’t. She would see us together and disappear in a second.” Gabriel interrupted Castiel, still trying to act nonchalant, all-knowing, but in reality, he realized that he had made a mistake. But they didn’t have to know that and see him admitting it. The angel glowered at him angrily, narrowing his eyes.

“Cas, could you give us a minute?” Sam asked suddenly. Castiel tilted his head in question, watching Sam intently. “Please?” Sam added, using those puppy-dog eyes of his. _What a match those two_. Gabriel thought and immediately regretted the idea of Sam being with someone else. Jealousy surged within him but he squashed it down fast. That wasn’t an emotion that he would ever want to feel again, blinding and strong. Castiel must have sensed it as he looked at him again, nodded slightly and left.

Uncomfortable silence surrounded them, and Gabriel fidgeted a little, pressing his hands into the blanket he was covered with. It wasn’t necessary to stay in the bed any longer, but the archangel still needed some time to gather the power back. His mind was too unfocused to do anything else though. This must have been his Father’s work, surely, which was quite a thing in itself. Who else would help him there? Abaddon had had him on his knees, weak and without any power to defence himself.

He saw movement in the corner of his eye, Sam stepping closer to him, but still not as close as Gabriel would like. Why was it so difficult to resist Sam’s presence? His grace wasn’t in full strength but apparently there was enough energy within it to desire the hunter’s soul. Sam shuffled around nervously, stuffing his palms into the pockets of his jeans, trying not to meet Gabriel’s eyes but it was quite difficult since the archangel was looking at him the whole time, waiting for whatever Sam had on his mind. He would take it, whatever it was.

“Why did you do it, Gabriel? You could have died.” Sam said accusingly, which surprised Gabriel a little bit but of course, the hunter was angry at him because he had thrown their plan out of the window. There was silence for a while, Gabriel saw Sam thinking his words through. There was also something else on the hunter’s mind. Then Sam moved and sat on the bed. _So close._ Gabriel frowned in confusion but still waited for Sam to speak his mind. His own grace was overwhelmed by the closeness of the hunter’s soul, hypersensitive even. It was too distracting again. And then he felt a gentle touch on his hand, warm and reassuring. Gabriel could feel his grace surging through his vessel, seeking the heat radiating from Sam’s fingers, and he looked up at Sam meeting his eyes, seeing the earnestness of his soul through them. The hunter’s eyes widened in surprise and… was that awe?

“Your eyes…” Sam whispered. “They’re glowing. It’s your grace, right?” Gabriel cleared his throat, too caught up in Sam’s own light to even notice how close they were to each other, the air warmer and intense.

“It’s nothing.” Gabriel shook his head slightly to get it together again, clenching his fingers into fists. This was too close to home for his liking. The archangel didn’t want to feel so vulnerable.

“No. It’s not nothing. It’s you, real you and that’s everything.” Sam sighed heavily and shook his head in exasperation, dropping his gaze onto their still clasped hands between them.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Sam said as he looked up back at him. Gabriel thought that he understood but it was too much to hope for. His grace didn’t get it, though, and uncontrollably break the confines of his vessel and surged forward through the contact he had with Sam. The hunter flinched at the sudden warmth from his grace, but before Gabriel could feel disappointment over the reaction to his true being, Sam’s eyes met his again as his other hand travelled over his arm and neck, and stopped at his cheek, stroking him gently.

“What am I not getting?” Gabriel asked in a whisper, anticipation gathering around his heart. Sam leaned closer as his gaze fell onto his lips and back. Gabriel exhaled breathily, still not believing what was going to happen. Sam tilted his head; his lips hovering over Gabriel’s, the warmth surrounded them, their breaths mixed together. The archangel couldn’t make the first move, this was too important to ruin it with his impatience.

“This.” Sam breathed out and pressed his lips onto Gabriel’s. The archangel froze for a second but then his brain caught up with the program and he kissed the hunter back, more urgently, though. His fingers ran through Sam’s hair, tugging the strands lightly, earning himself a gasp from the hunter and the much needed entrance into his mouth. Their tongues slid together, tasting and searching like nothing else mattered.

Gabriel had kissed and tasted so many people in his life on Earth, but it had always been out of need or boredom. But this, with Sam, was different. For the first time, his grace was also in it, and the feeling was mind-blowing, urging him to continue forever, completely forgetting that Sam needed air unlike him. So when the younger Winchester almost tore his lips off his to breathe, Gabriel was too dazed to realize why right away. Sam inhaled deeply and exhaled quickly a few times before he captured his lips again, but more forcefully this time. All those suppressed emotions surfaced from inside of the archangel’s core, and his mind was caught in a loop of “more” over and over again. Gabriel didn’t even realize what this meant, this submission to the feeling that he had been running from for years. He let Sam have his way with him completely, his grace rejoicing in it, bathing in it as if it had starved for too long without all those sensations.

Then Sam leaned into him more, pushing him fully into the mattress, pressing into him with his whole body, the warmth radiating from him, mixing with his grace. And they were still kissing and groping each other like teenagers. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Oh, Jesus. I’m gonna need bleach for this. Man. What happened to the sock rule? Ugh.” Someone – _Dean_ – cursed and walked away, still cursing like a sailor in the hallway. Sam hadn’t rolled over on the other side of the bed, holding himself with his forearms just a few inches above him, his longish hair brushing his face lightly. Gabriel caught himself staring at Sam and he could feel his genuine smile appearing on his face, the hunter smiling back at him.

Castiel clearing his throat brought them both from the daze of their desire for each other. “I… I will be in the library if you need me.” The angel said with nervousness in his voice, and walked away, closing the door behind himself.

“That was awkward.” Sam said but didn’t move from above him, pressing his body fully on Gabriel’s so that the archangel could feel how aroused the hunter was. Everything else just didn’t matter at the moment.

“Who cares, just kiss me.” Gabriel urged Sam, who chuckled but didn’t let himself be persuaded for too long.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys,
> 
> I just realized that the smut scene I was talking about the previous chapter is going to be in this one instead :D. I hope you weren't too disappointed. Although I'm not good at describing sex scenes, I tried and that matters, I guess :).
> 
> Anyway, here is another chapter for you. Let me know what you think. I appreciate your opinion. I thank you, the readers, for the support :).

# Chapter 17

 

“That was awkward.” Sam said but didn’t move from above him, pressing his body fully on Gabriel’s so that the archangel could feel how aroused the hunter was. Everything else just didn’t matter at the moment.

“Who cares, just kiss me.” Gabriel urged Sam, who chuckled but didn’t let himself be persuaded for too long.

Sam’s long fingers threaded through Gabriel’s hair, tugging at them lightly, his thumbs ran over his cheekbones, down to his jaw, caressing him, and it felt so new and different. Their mouths were still doing this dance of dominance over the kiss, but Gabriel gladly surrendered to Sam’s moves, his tongue searching and forceful, almost wild, and the archangel loved it, his hands sliding over Sam’s back up and down, feeling the muscles stretching under his fingers. Sam bit at Gabriel’s lower lip and the archangel moaned, arching his back up, seeking more friction to his growing erection. Sam huffed with a smile on his face, breathing heavily, but pressing his own arousal into Gabriel’s thigh.

“So responsive.” Sam breathed out, exhaling warm waves of air on Gabriel’s moist and red lips. The archangel shivered and attacked the hunter’s mouth again, tugging at the buttons on his plaid shirt. Gabriel was too impatient to struggle with the stupid buttons so he pulled at them firmly and tore them away, hearing them scatter around the room. Sam laughed over his eagerness but he didn’t complain, helping the archangel to take off his shirt, the t-shirt followed. Gabriel couldn’t keep his hands to himself upon seeing Sam’s toned chest. Greek sculptors would have done anything to have such a model for their sculptures. Gabriel was brought back out of his daze by Sam’s delicate fingers reaching the bottom of his t-shirt, pulling at it with just one purpose, and the archangel gladly obliged, tossing his clothes quickly on the floor somewhere.

Sam stilled for a while, sitting on his knees over Gabriel and staring at him with lust in his eyes, his pupils dilated, spreading the black of his arousal over the beautiful colour of his irises. The archangel knew that his vessel wasn’t the example of a perfect human physically, though that was debatable, but with Sam watching him like that, let’s just say that Gabriel felt much more attractive than with anyone else. It had always been about the one thing, the act itself, nothing more, but when Sam looked at him, it was more than just plain desire in his eyes and in his light touching, provoking his body to react and creating goose bumps all over his skin. Gabriel didn’t know what to do with it and shifted a little, averting his gaze onto Sam’s chest and down, stopping at the bulge in Sam’s jeans. In his mind there was just one thought, get rid of the offending piece of clothing off Sam too. So he reached out and started unbuckling the belt, continuing to undo the button and unzip the zipper carefully.

Gabriel’s impatience was nearing its limits; he just couldn’t wait any longer to touch every inch of Sam’s beautiful body and to see every reaction from him. Sam also started at his sleeping pants, which were stripped quickly of off him, and then the hunter stood up and undressed himself completely in one go, letting the jeans and boxers fall onto the floor. Not hesitating even a second, Sam went back and pressed his warm and perfect body onto Gabriel’s, forcing a moan out of them both. _Finally_. Gabriel spread out his legs so that Sam could lay between them, still seeking the much needed friction to his erection, putting his right leg over Sam’s calf, running his fingers up over Sam’s back and threading them through Sam’s hair, pulling him down for the kiss. Sam went willingly, eagerly even to reconnect with Gabriel’s lips, biting and sliding his tongue over them, forcing him to open his mouth and let his tongue in. Then Sam let go of the archangel’s face with his right hand and reaching down as he started stroking Gabriel’s throbbing cock.

“Oh. Huh. Such big hands. Love it.” Gabriel laughed out the remark but groaned over the perfect twist of Sam’s hand, his palm lubed up with Gabriel’s precome already, stroking him up and down with just enough pressure, and then the hunter attacked his jaw and neck with his wet lips, kissing and biting at all the sensitive spots on his neck. The archangel moaned loudly, not even trying to stop all the noises coming out of his mouth, and he lost himself in the sensations, more intense than he had ever experienced before. Gabriel didn’t even care that neither of them talked, though he himself had always uttered some lewd words during sex to provoke wilder reactions from the other person, and himself. But right now, it wasn’t necessary as Sam’s presence, passionate but still gentle, was enough for his senses to overload.

The pleasure within him grew gradually, slowly reaching the peak. After a few strokes, Sam took them both into his hand, going faster and faster in his movements, and he knew exactly how to turn his wrist and how much pressure to give into it. At that moment, Gabriel would have gladly said that it had been the best sex ever, arching his back into the motions, digging the nails into the flesh on Sam's back, their tongues never stopping the search for the other's, tasting and biting and probing. Everything felt like he was in drug induced trance, but much better. There were no words, not even enough brain capacity to explain how he felt. The only thing that Gabriel noticed was the growing pressure inside of his vessel, his grace was expanding its confines.

"Close your eyes, Sam!" Gabriel hissed as he was trying to suppress it but he couldn't hold it any longer. The archangel just hoped that Sam could hear him and did what he had been told.

The power surging out of him, light radiating from him as if he were a beacon at the beach. Gabriel could hear the noise flowing out of him, his true voice letting itself known. It was... it was...

"Wow." Sam breathed out blissfully. At that, Gabriel sighed in relief that his hunter was alright, no damaged eyes and hearing. _Wait a minute. His?_ Gabriel thought to himself but it was a fleeting concern as he had just had the best orgasm ever in his life.

"Right." Gabriel whispered, not even minding that Sam was still lying on him. He could take it for a while. And then he heard three strong bangs on the door, interrupting their moment. Sam jerked up, holding himself on his forearms, just a few inches above Gabriel as he turned his head slightly.

"What the hell was that?! Are you alright, Sammy?!" Dean shouted outside the door, fortunately, he was too smart not to barged inside.

"Everything's okay." Sam yelled over his right shoulder, shifting a little and lying on his side as he buried his face into the pillows.

"Yeah, we're busy. Go away." Gabriel quipped - he just couldn't help himself - and heard a snort from the other side of the door, followed by footsteps slowly fading away in the hall. There was silence for a few minutes, both of them breathing heavily, their hearts calming themselves. Gabriel snapped his fingers to clean them both and sighed in satisfaction.

The sex wasn’t meant to be slow and sensual. It wasn’t lovemaking and it seemed that they both didn’t want it to be, not right now anyway. It was fast and messy; they had sought relief, just touching each other, convincing themselves that they were alive; the slide of their bodies, sharing the warmth surrounding them both. But there was also something else. It had revealed that they both weren’t opposed to the possibility of a relationship between each other. And Gabriel sensed from Sam that it wasn’t meant to be just physical between them. He felt more, his grace demanding the connection with the hunter’s soul, and somehow, Gabriel stopped resisting it, which was futile anyway how he saw it. The archangel felt stronger with Sam lying beside him on the bed. For the first time since leaving Heaven, Gabriel felt content. What an interesting and new feeling to experience. Still, he had some doubts if it was a good idea to stay with Sam. What if he wasn't enough?

"Well... did you get it now?" Sam rasped the question and there was a small smile on his face.

"I think..." Gabriel looked at the ceiling, running the fingers of his left hand over his lips in thought, faking the difficulty of the question, "I think I did, but I'm gonna need more examples, you know. To make sure." the archangel said as he gazed at Sam again, smirking mischievously. Sam huffed out a laugh, and it was such a genuine laugh that it made his grace preen and his amber eyes glow unnaturally.

Sam propped himself up on his arms, smoothing his hair quickly from his face, as he looked at Gabriel and smiled. There was twinkle of mirth in his eyes and Gabriel enjoyed seeing it. After a while of staring at each other, Sam's face became more serious.

"I've seen your grace. The light in your eyes and everywhere around you. It was like... like your skin glowed. As if you were the sun hidden in a body. It was beautiful." Sam said in awe and he truly meant it.

"You idiot, I could've burnt your eyes out. Why didn't you do what I said." Gabriel scolded the hunter. It was plain stupid not to close his eyes.

"Oh, I did close them. But before, you were literally burning. I just wanted to see you, you know. That's not too much to ask, is it?" Sam said seriously with such determination to actually see Gabriel's grace one day, but it's impossible. At least in his life. Maybe, one day, when they would meet each other in Heaven, Sam could see his true form. But not now. The archangel smirked at Sam's wish and ran through his hair.

"Maybe someday, you will." Gabriel said and snuggled up to Sam's side, seeking the warmth from the hunter's body. Serious questions were delayed for the later date. They both needed a rest. The archangel felt tired and he was quite fond of sleeping with someone warming his bed. Especially someone like Sam. _His Sam_. _Oh, dammit. I'm getting sappier each passing minute._ Gabriel thought and groaned, flexing his body, as he nestled even more closely to Sam, hearing his steady heartbeat under him and it soothed him into a deep slumber.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> As I said sometime in the middle of writing this, I think, this story will end with chapter 20, or at least it is my plan. There will probably be one more spicy chapter before the ultimate end (as in the previous story, what a surprise). That's my plan, but you know, plans are just that - plans :D. So we'll see how it goes.
> 
> Just a small warning. This story is focused mainly on the development of Sabriel relationship, not the case. Just so you know that there won't be any detailed descriptions of that.
> 
> ENJOY!

# Chapter 18

 

Sam grunted, his muscles twitched a little in reflex, his mind slowly but surely returning to the waking world. He wanted to rub the sleep off his eyes, scrubbing his face several times over as usual, but his arms were too heavy to move properly. The hunter sighed deeply, willing his mind to wake up and his eyes to open and look around where he was. Sighing in utter contentment, Sam realized that he hadn’t felt so wonderfully spent, relaxed and warm in years. His body ached but it was a pleasant ache, which was kind of unusual in his life. Then he heard movement from the other side of the bed, the blanket shifting from his upper body as someone was taking it just for themselves. Sam huffed out a laugh and opened his eyes to see Gabriel covered in the blanket like a cocoon, only his longish, brown hair were visible, sticking in every which way and completely hiding his face. What a sight the archangel made. Sam smiled and reached out to smooth a few strands out of Gabriel’s forehead. Sam couldn’t be sure that he was still sleeping, since angels didn’t need it, but there was just something about the archangel that drew him closer and the hunter couldn’t stop watching him. It might have looked creepy but who cared. Sam just couldn’t help himself at that moment.

Such moments hadn’t been normal in his life, having someone beside him and staying until the morning. Hunters weren’t family people. And if they had someone in their lives, it wasn’t ideal as their work could put their love ones in dangerous situations. These men and women had to move a lot and couldn’t settle in one place for too long. Sam had learned in a hard way and mourned a lot of people just because of his nature to connect at the more intimate level. It had probably been caused by his personality. However, Gabriel was strong enough to take care of himself on his own. He didn’t need someone to tell him what to do, how to defend himself and especially, Sam didn’t have to explain to him what he had been doing his whole life, that there were supernatural beings out there, and not just in the dark. The archangel knew everything about Sam’s life and work, and he still had stayed with him. Of course, Sam feared that this between them had been just a one-time thing, occasional fuck to get rid of the tension, but he couldn’t help himself to hope that it might be more than just that.

Gabriel’s mumbling brought Sam out of his reverie and he looked at him again, watching the archangel slowly waking up, shifting inside of the cocoon he had made of the blanket. Sam was lying on his side as he supported his head with his left arm, his right hand laying between them on the mattress. He shivered a bit as his body was attacked by the cold air in the room. Gabriel opened his eyes and his gaze met Sam’s, never blinking, and they stared at each other in silence, neither of them wanted to interrupt the moment between them.

“Aren’t you cold?” Gabriel asked after a while, visibly ogling Sam’s bare body, as he noticed that he had taken the whole blanket for himself. He smirked mischievously.

“A bit but you could remedy that if you wanted.” Sam said bluntly, giving a clear suggestion for Gabriel to do with it what he wished.

“Oh, really? I didn’t know you were so easy for me, Samshine.” Gabriel smirked and it reached his eyes, lightening them up like two stars. Sam huffed at what a sap he was being, rolling his eyes over Gabriel's remark. After a few more minutes Gabriel's eyeing his naked body up, another blanket appeared on Sam's body, covering him completely. It was warm and soft to the touch. Sam smiled at the thoughtful gesture.

“Don’t stretch it.” Sam said and stroked the covers between them with his fingers in an attempt to have something to focus on while trying to find the words, just to keep the conversation flow, “So. What now?” He asked and looked back at the archangel, who was still watching him intently.

“Well, kiddo… it’s up to you, actually. What do _you_ want?” Gabriel asked simply, not pressuring Sam into answering right away, but there was curiosity in the tone of his voice. And after few seconds, he pushed his hand out of the blanket, laying it on Sam’s and stroking it lightly with his fingers, just feather touches landing on his skin. The hunter shivered again but for different reasons than the cold room.

“Isn’t it obvious? I want you, the real you. Not a trickster, not a Norse god, or anyone else you always try to hide behind. If you’re willing to be yourself, then I want a real relationship with you.” Sam said firmly, determined to voice his mind. He had decided that it would be better to lay it all out into the open, no sugar coating. For the first time he expressed his wishes, and it was both quite overwhelming and terrifying.

“Sam…” Gabriel sighed, retracting his hand and shifting it just beside Sam’s. The hunter felt a pang within his chest. Was it rejection? “I don’t really know what you see in me, but I’m no good-“

“Let me decide that for myself." Sam interrupted him, clenching his hand into a fist in frustration. "At least this one thing in my life. I’ve had enough bullshit forced at me without anyone asking me first. Seriously. I want this. I want you. Just, answer me. And I’d appreciate the truth.” Sam said, having enough of excuses. He felt his heart hammering like crazy inside of his chest and heard his blood rushing through his veins, his pulse elevated. Sam knew that it was a risk to tell Gabriel everything, but having regrets afterwards was even worse. The archangel’s eyebrows furrowed, probably in displeasure over Sam cutting him off in the middle.

“Okay. Alright.” Gabriel cleared his throat, stalling his response and it was driving Sam crazy. And honestly, Sam might have seemed too desperate when he had said his bit, but he didn’t want to just give up on this chance to have something with the archangel.

“I-…” Gabriel started but paused immediately, pressing his lips into a thin line. He averted his eyes from Sam’s as if looking for the right words to say, “I like you.” He admitted, looking back up at Sam, his mouth quirked upwards slightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes, “I told you when we first met, but you… you’ve always fascinated me. I thought that you would never be able to stand me because of what I’d done to you. I realized after a while that it was wrong, so wrong. And I just… I’ve done so many bad things, you can’t even imagine. I’m old and bitter. I don’t know if I can be whom you want me to be.” Gabriel paused again for a few seconds.

“This thing you want from me? I just… I’ve never had it before-“

“What about Kali?” Sam asked curiously.

“Kali was just…we were friends with benefits, you would say, nothing too deep. We weren’t exclusive.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Gabriel huffed out a laugh, smirking but it wasn’t his usual smirk. Sam could tell.

 “You surely want the real deal and I’m not a relationship material, you must see that. I prank people, punish them, use them to entertain myself. You’ve gone through that yourself. And it's just an iceberg of my history in here. But-“ Gabriel raised his hand to stop Sam to cut in on him. The hunter frowned but let the archangel continue, anticipation growing within his body, “I enjoy your company and like who you are, admire you even. So… if you want me still, after everything-“ Gabriel inhaled deeply and sighed in surrender, “I’m all in, Winchester. Whatever it’s gonna be.” Gabriel said and smiled lightly, putting his hand back onto Sam’s and squeezing it in reassurance.

"But first of all, I need food and lots of it. And sugar. That's a must!" Gabriel exclaimed cheerfully and jumped out of the bed, of course, completely naked, heading to the door. Sam was a bit dazed by the sudden change of the topic, watching Gabriel stretch his body before the archangel went to open the door. At the last moment Sam cleared his throat loudly to catch the Gabriel's attention for a bit, indicating with his head that he should dress himself before going out of the room. Even though the idea of Dean stumbling across him in the hallway would surely be quite a funny moment to witness, Sam didn't want Gabriel promenade around for everyone to see him in all his glory.

Gabriel snapped his fingers and was completely dressed again, ready to clear the contents of their fridge. Well, Sam was sure that the archangel wasn't going to find anything edible, at least for him, so there was a chance for him to mojo some breakfast for them all. The archangel smirked as he turned around and marched out of the room, full of energy, as if nothing had happened just a few days ago. Sam was frozen at the image before him, the idea of Gabriel living with them in the bunker, making his way into the kitchen just like that, not flying there. It was such a human thing to do. Everything about this morning had been very much human and domestic. And then Sam realized what they had discussed just a moment ago. Was Gabriel his boyfriend now? A smile appeared on his face as he pictured them together, lying on the couch and watching bad TV. Was it even Gabriel's style to stay and do all those sappy and cheesy, human things common in a relationship? Sam didn't know. A thrill ran through his body as he imagined all those other things they were going to do together. Well, their first time had already been behind them. At least, Sam could look forward to the next time. Who would have thought that Gabriel,  an almighty being, living on Earth for such a long time, would willingly go into a relationship with a flawed human? Sam wondered if even God would predict such a thing.

There were voices echoing through the hallway, which drew him back out of his mind, as Sam pushed the blanket aside, dressing himself quickly and going to the kitchen with just one thought - persuading Gabriel to get him some real good coffee. Sam hummed as he imagined the glorious taste on his tongue and pleasant smell. When he finally reached the kitchen, he could hear Dean and Gabriel bickering with each other. Some people would say that those two were an old married couple.

"Get over it, Dean-o." Gabriel said and Sam could almost feel him smirk, trying to provoke some reaction out of his brother.

"I don't wanna know the details. What you do behind the doors, that's your business but refrain to do that somewhere where I could see. It's gross just to think about my brother doing those things with you. Ugh." Dean growled in disgust, even a little embarrassed. He was such a baby sometimes. Sam stepped into the kitchen, two pairs of eyes turned to stare at him.

"Seriously, stop bragging about me and what we do to my brother." Sam said, faking annoyance, as he sat at the table and started putting the various pieces of food onto a plate, not even bothering to check if it was his spot. The coffee in the mug near the plate smelled divinely.

"Why not? It's natural. You humans are so prude sometimes." Gabriel pouted and sat into the chair situated right beside Sam, immediately placing his hand onto the hunter's thigh, squeezing it lightly. Luckily for Sam, he wore loose pants, and his interest in Gabriel's motions weren't too apparent.

"Ugh, really? Here and now?" Dean groaned as he noticed Sam's blush on his cheeks. The younger Winchester felt the blood reaching his face and neck in slight embarrassment over his reaction to the touch. He cleared his throat and laid his own hand onto Gabriel's, stopping his movements. At least for a while when they were at the table.

"What? Jealous, Winchester?" Gabriel prodded more with his familiar smirk on his face. Sam shouldn't have expected anything else when those two were in the same room. At least they weren't yelling and throwing things at each other. That was quite a progress.

"What?! No! Why should I be? You know what, nevermind. Just shut up and let me eat in peace." Dean grumbled and immediately started stuffing his face full. Gabriel was about to go on with his teasing, but Sam squeezed his hand as he leaned closer to him, letting his lips hover  just a few inches away from Gabriel's ear, deliberately blowing some air onto it.

"Gabriel. Stop it." Sam whispered with his best seductive, dominant voice, which earned him a quick inhale from the archangel, and he was silenced, at least for a while. Dean snorted at the scene but fortunately didn't comment on it. They ate for a few calm moments, no one had anything to say, however, they all knew what everyone was thinking about.

"So...we should probably talk about the elephant in the room." Gabriel interrupted the quiet surrounding them during the breakfast, "You know, how to gang Abaddon again?" Gabriel added, glancing at Dean and then Sam, waiting for their response. "I mean. I'm sure as hell I didn't kill her."

"What even happened out there?" Sam asked seriously, silently thinking _"How did you survive?"_

"I don't know." Gabriel said, frowning in deep thought.

"Well, before we go against her again, we need to get the location of her new hide-out." Dean mused loudly, looking at Gabriel intently. Sam knew what he was thinking. He wanted Gabriel to find out the location with his powers. But it was dangerous and Sam was reluctant to let the archangel do it.

"I gotta remember what happened first. Abaddon had a chance to kill me but somehow didn't and honestly? It screams _bad_ from miles away." Gabriel said, gesticulating wildly with his hands, but Sam couldn't feel too much reluctance in it, as if it wasn't anything particularly serious, being almost killed once more. Sam shuddered, imaging Gabriel's grace burning out into nothingness, imagining his life without him. What a terrifying thought.

"I'll go into my room and meditate for a while. I could remember something." Gabriel said as he stood up quickly and snapped himself out of the kitchen, leaving the brothers alone. There was a silence for a while. Sam could feel Dean's stare focused on him. His brother wanted to say something but didn't know how to start and Sam wasn't going to help him. Not this time. He was stressed again over the situation with Abaddon. And now, when Gabriel and him were finally a thing, his fear of losing the archangel was even stronger than before.

"Don't worry, Sam. It's gonna be okay." Dean said with a small smile and it surprised Sam as he raised his gaze and met his brother's eyes, seeing understanding and reassurance in them. With just one look from Dean, some of the tension he was feeling - the fear of the things to come - melted away. Sam knew that being a hunter kind of ruined this image of a happy-ending for him from the beginning. But some small part of him still believed in it and prayed for it, even though there was no one to hear his prayers at the moment, with God missing and the angels fighting each other. Who the hell was he kidding? They wouldn't have done anything even if they had listened. Sam was just an abomination for them, a puny insignificant human. But he tried anyway.

"Yeah." Sam muttered weakly as he finished his breakfast and walked away from the table, heading into the library. That room was his sanctuary and he himself needed some alone time. Just to think about what had happened and what might happen in the future. Sometimes he hated himself for over-thinking things. But it was better to be prepared than sorry afterwards.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I'm sorry for the delay. I got caught up with the new Mass Effect game yesterday and forgot to update. I hope you won't hold it against me and enjoy this chapter (with a little surprise). I'm really curious what you'll think. Let me know! You know that I appreciate any words, kudos and hits from you :).
> 
> One (or two) more chapter after this one! I can't wait to see it finished :D.

# Chapter 19

 

Meditation had never been Gabriel’s favourite activity. When they had learned it in Heaven at the beginning of everything, their father hadn’t taken such education too seriously because he had been too absorbed by creating other things instead of focusing on his first ever children in this world. Gabriel was impatient and every little thing, either around him, or in his head, distracted him too much to concentrate on himself and his memories. The archangel had never been too fond of learning as it was. Oh, teaching others lessons was a completely different matter, though it had been more his role than his desire to do it, at least when in Heaven. Later on, he just liked the feeling of losing himself in it, not having to think about his home and what he had left behind. In this way Gabriel had tried to forget the hurt that his own family had inflicted on him, lessen the disappointment he had felt over their actions, their petty fights about who had been better at pleasing their father. The archangel had realized a long time ago that people had lost faith in God but they had got over it quite quickly, believing in other things. Gabriel had never forgiven his father that he had left them with no direction, no message to pass on others. All archangels had been young at that time, at least for angels, and they themselves had needed more lessons than anything else. But the only thing they all had learned from early ages of their lives had been fighting.

Gabriel shifted on the mattress to get more comfortable, crossing his legs and leaning on the pillows behind him. He tried to drive all those stinging thoughts out of his head but it was difficult as he had still felt betrayed. This was exactly why Gabriel had always struggled with meditation. He just couldn’t relax his mind. But it was the only way he knew that might help him to remember what had happened in that warehouse. The archangel closed his eyes, breathing deeply despite not needing it, and he started probing his own mind for the hidden memories, reaching deeper and deeper, almost to the core of his own existence, and then he saw it, the light and very familiar. So familiar that his grace started pulsing with joy and reassurance as if it were coded into it from the beginning. And it was, actually. This love, that angels couldn’t resist for too long, awakened the images from that day Gabriel had almost died again. The power and kindness he had felt when in the presence of the being, who had given him the strength needed to endure the pain from stabs and humiliation, overpowering the fear that had weakened his faith in himself.

“I knew you would remember.” A voice shook Gabriel out of his meditative state. The archangel tensed, opening his eyes quickly, prepared to fight back but never leaving his position on the bed. He didn’t know the voice and the person standing at the door, leaning into it with his arms crossed over his chest. Of course, the man wasn’t actually a human. A stranger would have never been able to get into the bunker without anyone noticing. The power within the being must have been enormous as Gabriel hadn’t even felt a glimpse of it. He couldn’t see anything on the man, his blue eyes piercing but kind at the same time. The archangel knew well that the height never mattered for supernatural beings. It was just a meat suit, a vessel in his case, so the man being short and looking fragile didn’t mean anything.

“Who are you?” Gabriel asked suspiciously, not leaving the being out of his sight.

“Oh, sorry about that. I always forget like an old man I am.” The being chuckled, his eyes twinkling as if he was on some secret that no one else knew about. The man snapped his fingers quickly, a familiar thing for Gabriel to witness, reminding him of someone once dear to him. But that still didn’t mean anything, since he wasn’t the only one who did that. The man smiled and signs of fondness appeared on his face. And then Gabriel saw, his amber eyes widening in shock and recognition. The light radiating from the being was blinding, but warm and familial, enveloping his entire existence as in an embrace. Gabriel couldn’t believe what he witnessed unfolding in front of his eyes, someone he hadn’t seen for a very long time and He was here, appearing in the middle of the room, just like that. Not a usual dismissal in a way of an unclear message that Gabriel hadn’t heard for ages anyway. No. This was a meeting in person, meant just for him, no one else.

“Are you…? Father?” Gabriel whispered in reverence, shivering just from watching Him standing there like an ordinary man in his forties. The archangel didn’t know what to think, what to feel. Jumbled thoughts were raging in his head, creating a complete chaos in there and overwhelming his senses. The man smiled subtly again, his eyes turning even bluer than they had been just a moment ago, his light filling the whole place but stopping at the walls of the room.

“Gabriel, it’s good to see you again.” God said fondly, still standing in the same position when he had first appeared. His true voice vibrating through Gabriel’s vessel and reaching out right to his grace. The archangel couldn’t express all the feelings in words so he sent them in colourful waves towards Him – shock, surprise, love, betrayal, disappointment, sadness – the whole mix of emotions Gabriel had never wanted to admit he had been feeling and supressing inside, building a wall around them so he would never feel the pain that they had caused. God’s smile slipped away out of his face as he received the message from Gabriel, sadness overcoming his features and the light in his eyes dimmed a little bit, but He didn’t say anything to justify his actions, or at least something on that matter. Nothing. And it angered Gabriel and it completely blinded his mind, hurting his otherwise warm grace and turning it into a colder and unreachable mass of power. His father had to sense it, forcing him to react.

“Gabriel-“ God said but was interrupted immediately.

“No, Dad.” Gabriel said firmly as he stood up from the bed and crossed his arms over his chest, getting into a defensive stance; such a human thing to do. “What do you think you’re doing here? You think you appear just like that after so many years of absence and everything’s gonna be okay? I’m sorry, Dad, but it doesn’t work that way.” Gabriel growled angrily, and he knew that he was playing with fire, his father could easily smite him out of the existence, but some things just couldn’t be ignored, not this time. And somehow it worked. God sighed, rubbing his forehead, massaging it over and over, as if trying to get rid of the pain in his head. Gabriel had never seen his father in a human vessel, acting so much like a human. All that vastness, severity, absoluteness of God from the early years of the archangel’s life was nowhere to be seen. Gabriel couldn’t help himself to think that he was actually talking to a man, not an omnipotent being such as God, who had the power to destroy and create worlds anew if he wanted.

“Gabriel. I admit that leaving you without any direction wasn’t the best decision I’ve made, but it was necessary for your own good. You were all so dependent on my orders, everything you did had been discussed with me, and when I saw humans use their own minds, making their own decisions, having their own free will to do as they pleased… I just wanted the same thing for you as well. No, Gabriel. Let me finish.” God said firmly with a bit of his true voice emphasizing his words, staring intensely into his eyes. Gabriel was stunned and closed his mouth again as he had been told, like an obedient child.

“You could do anything you wanted, decide for yourself what you desired. Oh yes, that too. Do you think that I would ever allow you to run away just like that and do all those _things_ you did without any punishment of my own? If I had been against you living your life among pagans, you would know. Trust me. And it wouldn’t have been as nice as your other escapades you indulged himself in. Oh, Gabriel, sometimes I wonder if you’ve learned anything through all these years.” God said with a small smile on his face.

“Since when you care what I do?” Gabriel asked bluntly with a curious undertone in it, surely already reaching the limits of his father’s patience as he saw the pained expression on his face.

“I’ve always cared, Gabriel. The fact that you’re standing here right now should be a sign, don’t you think?” God said with a frown, and then his eyes widened in realization, “Oh, you really think that I didn’t know what you’ve been up to, what all of you’ve done in my absence? You think of me so little. That’s… that hurts, you know.” He said, averting his eyes and observing every inch of the room, as if trying to find the answer in it. Gabriel didn’t know what to think. His father was talking about the free will, giving them a chance to live by their own standards and how they really wanted. But did he even understand how much Gabriel had lost? Because of his absence, the fighting between his brothers had been insufferable, painful, and he just hadn’t been able to stand it anymore. Running away had been the only chance to get out of the misery he had felt.

No one had known what to do, how to start. So they had followed the prophecy like children would do father’s orders. It had been certainty, a goal prepared for them all. They hadn’t had to think about it too much because it had always been, presumably, their father’s plan. Going the same path as had been written a long time ago had given them purpose. But when Gabriel thought about it, they had got a chance to change it, to find their own way and reshape the history by their own image. They had got an opportunity to show their father that they could do better, but all they had done had been the opposite. Nothing more. And since then everything had just made sense. God knew everything if he wanted to know, and He must have watched them all from the distance, waiting what his children would do. If they had learned their lesson, if they had grown up.

“I-… I didn’t know.” Gabriel said in realization, chastised. God was his father and suddenly, everything the archangel had done in his life was swarming his mind. What he had done and what he hadn’t. All those years of what? Running and hiding among pagans and humans… Doing all those abhorrent things for such a celestial being as an archangel…

“Don’t beat yourself for it, Gabriel. True, I would never have considered you bohemian and hedonist, but you’ve always been too wild and lively for your own good. Besides, I liked your style. Sometimes.” God winked at him and it looked weird on someone like Him. It shocked Gabriel to see his father joke and act so much like a human. And it shouldn’t have been such a surprise, since He had created them.

“Anyway, Abaddon is a problem that should have been solved years ago and I trust you’ll deal with it. Now, when you finally understand what’s important in your life.” God emphasized his words as if hinting on something Gabriel would have to think about more later, “Being on your own isn’t an answer, Gabriel. That’s why there are so many creatures out there to find the right companion amongst them. And it doesn’t have to be someone from your family. I hope you know that.” God said with a smile that reached his eyes, creating little creases around the corners of them. Now He was definitely hinting on his new relationship with Sam. Somehow letting him know that He approved. No, they weren’t going to have _the talk_!

“Dad-!” Gabriel said warningly. There was no need to discuss his sex life. That was not happening! God chuckled at his reaction and raised his hands in a placating gesture.

“Don’t worry.” He said with a knowing smile, and Gabriel’s eyes narrowed into two thin slits, expecting some kind of teasing, because it was a good opportunity to torture him for a few moments. But nothing like that came and he relaxed again, waiting for God to continue reprimanding him. There was a silence for a while, both waiting for the other to say their bit and move on.

“It was really good to see you, Gabriel. And talk to you. I’m sure you want answers, but life isn’t about that. Fortunately. Otherwise it would be pretty boring, wouldn’t it?” God said seriously but with mirth in his eyes, and disappeared like a mist in the morning.

“Huh… What the hell, Dad?! That was so not cool!” Gabriel yelled into the empty room, his mind ranging with thoughts right away, trying to find the balance in his life again. He had a hard time to believe it hadn’t been a dream. But, it had been too real, and dreaming about his father being like that? Not a chance. The truth was, Gabriel had met his father again and He hadn’t been mad or disappointed. It had been such an uplifting experience, giving him so much needed confidence and strength, encouraging him to defeat Abaddon, supporting his life choices. Well, at least the last one – Sam. The archangel had a lot of questions, no doubts at that, but maybe his father had been right. In his long life it was good to be pleasantly surprised every once in a while.

Gabriel smiled slightly as he dropped onto the bed, burying himself in blankets and pillows. Thinking about nothing in particular, he just stared at the ceiling, motionless, feeling how his grace was getting stronger, filling with contentment and resolve. Abaddon had no chance to beat him again, not this time.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> It's Tuesday and I'm serving you the last chapter of this story. And when I'm saying last, there's going to be one bonus (read smutty) chapter, probably uploaded separately, because I'm not going to write it alone. My friend will help (as in the previous story).
> 
> As I warned the last time, this story is focused on the relationship, not the case. I might write something later on, but no promises.
> 
> Anyway, it's been a ride, right?! I've enjoyed it very much. I hope you did too! This is my second longer story and I still can't believe I finished it :D. Thank you very much for any kind of support. I really appreciate and without it I wouldn't be able to keep writing til the end. I'm always happy to see that people like my stories :).
> 
> NOW, where is that Destiel idea of mine I've been sitting on since September 2016? Oh, here. I might start working on that for a change:).

# Chapter 20

 

„You’ve got to be kidding me,“ Dean snapped after hearing Gabriel’s explanation of the events in the warehouse and after his meditation, „God showed up in your room and had a chat with you about Abaddon but did nothing about it? Did nothing about anything, actually! Seriously? Nope, I’ve got no time for this bullshit,“ he said angrily and walked away, surely heading into the kitchen for a beer. And it was still a morning. Sam just looked at Gabriel inquiringly, raising his eyebrows in surprise, as million questions swarmed his mind. After just a few seconds of them gazing at each other in silence, there was a flap of wings and Castiel appeared in front of them, a bit dishevelled as if leaving something in a hurry.

“God has visited you?” Castiel asked in awe, waiting impatiently for the answer. Sam could sense the energy gathering around the angel, crackling in anticipation. The hairs on his arms stood in attention from the tension surrounding them.

“Yes, Castiel. He was here.” Gabriel stated exasperatedly, rolling his eyes at his brother’s excitement.

“And where is He now? I have been looking for Him for years.” Castiel said with slight desperation in his voice as disappointment radiated from the angel in waves. Sam remembered the times when Castiel had been trying to find God, using every means possible. Not even the archangels had known that He had been around the whole time, watching them all like a bunch of monkeys in a circus. Sam was angry for sure, like Dean. All those years of living Hell - literally, and what they both had been through just because of some kind of a plan decided ages ago. Sam shook his head over the news, running his fingers through his hair. God hadn’t even moved a finger to stop the Apocalypse, and He let his children fight each other. The hunter couldn’t imagine what it was like for Castiel. Everyone had got suspicions about God watching them, since who else would have put them into that plane when Lucifer had risen from the Cage, or who else would have resurrected Castiel when he had disobeyed orders from the Host and died? And not just once. But the rest of it? Sam couldn’t find words to describe his feelings about that.

“Don’t know. Maybe, he’s been in Vegas this whole time, arranging weddings for the drunken fools there.” Gabriel joked bitterly, trying to hide it behind his smirk, though it didn’t reach his expressive eyes. Sam knew this was just a defence reflex. He was trying to cover his own anger and disappointment behind badly timed humour. Castiel frowned as if he was actually considering the possibility for a moment, tilting his head and staring intensely at his brother.

“Is this a joke to you, Gabriel? This is an important matter.” Castiel warned, his calm demeanour changing into anger as well. Sam was starting to feel a bit vulnerable around the angels. At the surface, both of them seemed calm, neither of them had used their true voices…not yet anyway. But the hunter sensed the rising tension between them and didn’t know if he should run away as quickly as possible, or stay and try to diffuse the upcoming fight.

“Oh, please, Castiel. Did you really think He would tell me what He’d been up to? I get Him though. This fighting among us, dependency on each other, trying to please Him like damned fools we were. What was the point? He had enough, like me! Needed a break, like me. And when He saw what we’d done, or hadn’t done…” Gabriel paused and sighed deeply before continuing, massaging his forehead, “I’m not defending all of His non-actions, don’t get me wrong. But somehow, I get Him.” Gabriel finished firmly, but Sam could see there was more occupying his mind. Castiel was looking at him, confusion marking the features of his face. The hunter realized that he should have left the angels resolve their family problems alone. He felt as he had been eavesdropping on a private conversation between the brothers.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Sammich. We’re done here. These touchy feely moments are killing my appetite.” Gabriel grimaced a little at the notion, conjuring himself a snickers bar and biting into it with passion. The archangel moaned loudly, making Sam uncomfortable as he remembered the sound from the previous night. Sam shook his head in exasperation, smiling a little at Gabriel’s antics. Sometimes, the archangel was even worse at discussing sensitive matters than Dean.

“Think about it, little bro. You weren’t there from the beginning. And it was awful even then.” Gabriel said seriously, and somehow ended the conversation as he looked up at Sam with a smirk. “And now, Samshine, how are you gonna cheer me up, hmm? I need a distraction.” Gabriel said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. Sam rolled his eyes at Gabriel’s not so subtle invitation.

“Shoo, Cas. Samsquatch and I’ve got a lot to catch up to. Well, you can watch, I guess. If you’re into that.” Gabriel glanced at Castiel, smirking mischievously. Sam tensed a bit at the suggestion that the archangel had made, but it wouldn’t be Gabriel if he hadn’t wanted to embarrass someone in front of others.

“What the hell, Gabriel? Ugh.” Dean spluttered behind them, almost dropping the bottle of beer he was holding in his hand, “ _that_ I really didn’t need to hear. I’m heading out.” Dean muttered, not looking at them as he grabbed his wallet and the keys from the Impala, “Do what you must, but when I come back, I want you decent. I’m really _not_ interested in finding my brother naked with you,” he grumbled and almost ran out of the bunker, Cas following him blindly as if he were afraid that Gabriel would really drag him to watch. Eww, Sam didn’t want to imagine that. Nope.

Gabriel laughed out loud at the scene. Surely all of that had been his plan from the beginning. He must have known that Dean had come back and heard it. There was no way it had been just a coincidence. Gabriel turned around to face Sam, still smiling at his own prank well done, but the smile morphed into a suggestive smirk in a second.

“So, Sammich. We’re alone in here. Isn’t it convenient?” Gabriel said, slowly stepping closer to Sam, who rolled his eyes, raising his eyebrow.

“Seriously?” Sam scoffed but still let himself to be lead into Gabriel’s room. No angel express. _Thank God_! Dean wasn't the only one with certain problems with that.

***

"I didn't want to ask you, but... if you wanna talk about it, I'm here," Sam whispered into Gabriel’s ear from behind, spooning him. The silence between them had stretched out for too long and Sam just thought that Gabriel didn’t want to talk about it. The hunter listened to him breathing deeply. It was still so strange when he thought about it. Angels didn’t have to breathe, or eat, or do anything human for that matter. Their vessels would survive without it, but Gabriel did those things, and such nuances somehow brought him closer to Sam, to humanity, even though it was probably just a habit, his way of blending in.

"He..." Gabriel started, fidgeting a little bit, and Sam knew it was difficult for him to talk about his father, especially when it came to his feelings. The archangel had been repressing them for too long to just share them freely with someone else, and Sam got it. That was why he didn’t press the issue.

Gabriel ran his fingers over the skin on Sam’s arms that enveloped him into a firm embrace. Sam squeezed him even more to reassure him of not leaving any time soon. Or more like never.

"He saved me apparently. In that warehouse. Honestly, I did have suspicions that He might have got me out of there, and called Cas to help me. But... it's different when you hear it directly from Him than just thinking He might, you know. It's just... I should be angry at Him for abandoning us, leaving us to soak in our mess on our own. But that would just prove how dependent we were on Him. Huh... and then I remember I wanted you to learn a lesson from me, from someone who shouldn't be giving any, since he himself couldn't take a hint from his own father. It's just... hell, I don't know how you still put up with my face after everything..." Gabriel stopped with a sigh, taking Sam’s hand into his own.

"Hey, hey, Gabriel, don't blame yourself. I've already forgiven you. Just... promise me you won't run away again, okay? I don't... I don't know if I could take it this time," Sam said honestly, his voice quivering a bit at the end in concern and pain over a possibility of being alone again.

"Oh, don't worry, Samsquatch. You're stuck with me," Gabriel said over his shoulder, turning around so that he could look into Sam’s eyes. There was the familiar glint in his eyes and that was exactly what Sam wanted to see every morning after waking up, every night before sleep. He laughed quietly over his cheesy thoughts. What a sap he had become.

"You'd better remember that," Sam warned playfully. They were looking at each other for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s warmth. After a while Gabriel’s expression sobered a little.

“You know, He actually gave us a blessing,” Gabriel said incredulously as if he had never imagined his father doing that. Well, maybe their relationship was like that - distant.

“Really?” Sam asked, his eyebrow raised in surprise.

“Yes, and let me tell you, I don’t wanna have that conversation ever again.” Gabriel mumbled in annoyance and embarrassment. Such an interesting emotion to witness from him. Sam chuckled over Gabriel’s bashfulness, though the archangel would never admit to that.

“And He…,” Gabriel started, not looking at Sam, as he played with his fingers for a while, probably searching for the right words to say, “I’m gonna finish what I’ve started. With Abaddon,” The archangel said seriously, and Sam had a hard time to keep his emotions at bay.

“What?” Sam barked out, his eyes widening in disbelief, as he clutched Gabriel’s hand into even a stronger grasp. What the hell was he talking about?

“It’s my duty, Sam. I’m still an archangel and He reminded me of what I had been before. Besides, I’m the only one who can do it,” Gabriel reasoned and yes, okay, Sam knew he was right, but it didn’t make him feel better, now, when he had finally found someone who understood him and actually liked him. It was just too much to overcome at once. They had been officially together for just a couple of days and now there was a possibility that Sam would never see Gabriel again, seeing his luck in his whole life and all. Everyone he had ever loved - _loved_ – died or ended up to be a bad guy. Of course, Sam’s mind supplied several reasons why Gabriel was their best shot in this situation, but his heart told him to stop this madness and just give the world the finger. Sam had given up too much of his life already. And still, the world made more demands on him.

“Sam,” Gabriel said gently, sliding his hand over Sam’s arm and shoulder and placed it on his cheek, making him shiver, “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s actually my job.” The archangel frowned as if in disbelief that he had ever said such a thing out loud, “And I don’t like it as much as you do. Besides, I’ve gotta sort out the mess in Heaven as well. Castiel can’t do it alone.”

“Wait a minute, are you really Gabriel? The archangel Gabriel, otherwise known as the Trickster? I don't know you at all.” Sam mocked, trying to master his best serious expression on his face, but he could feel his lips quivering as he tried to suppress laughter. He would have never expected to hear Gabriel say that.

“Shut up! Or,”

“Or what?” Sam interrupted him suggestively, pressing Gabriel’s body closer to his with his arms wrapping around his waist. But in a second he was pinned between Gabriel’s body and the mattress and kissed thoroughly as if they hadn’t just had a serious conversation. But Sam enjoyed such unexpected assaults from the archangel, making their relationship more fun. He had always wanted to settle down, find a quiet place and buy a house with a picket fence. This was an idea of Sam’s life with Jessica. But now, when he had this with Gabriel, after everything what had happened to him, the hunter realized that he didn't need it. Not right now, at least.

“Oh, don’t tempt me, Winchester. You know what I can do,” Gabriel growled dangerously into his ear, pressing himself onto Sam’s body, letting him know what he was up to. Not that Sam couldn’t tell before. The hunter laughed over Gabriel's attempt to scare him. It was such a freeing feeling - to trust someone else completely - that he didn't want to give this up for anything, ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder:
> 
> If you're interested, stay tuned for the bonus chapter ;).


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